26/10/2024
As a rabbi, I’m not one for preaching these days. I much prefer to spend my energy teaching, fostering curiosity, and engaging in meaningful conversations that deepen our understanding of Judaism and one another. But with the rise of antisemitism and an alarming wave of Jew-hatred in the world around us, I woke up this morning feeling compelled to address a certain closed-mindedness that persists within our own community.
This week, I met with a young couple grappling with the future of their relationship. One partner was not born Jewish, and neither of them holds a connection to traditional religious observance or even a God-idea. Yet, despite their deep bond, they constantly feel judged. The Jewish partner, in particular, is repeatedly confronted by the notion that they shouldn’t “marry out,” as if love, commitment, and shared values have nothing to do with building a Jewish life together.
Words hold power. Imagine the difference if we started talking about “marrying in” rather than “marrying out.” This simple shift in language could help us reframe relationships like theirs as a chance to bring new perspectives and strengths into our people’s story, rather than turning away those who don’t meet certain definitions. Do we see Judaism as so fragile that it cannot hold space for diverse journeys? Are we too focused on creating boundaries instead of building connections? Perhaps the resilience of our heritage lies not in pushing away, but in finding ways to weave together the richness each person brings.
Now, I won’t pretend that I’ve suddenly found a halachic way to officiate these weddings. But as both a rabbi and celebrant, I’m finally able to say “yes” until I feel I have to say “no” — a shift from the role I once felt bound to, of holding back the tides of change by saying “no” until I found a way to say “yes.”
Our world is rapidly changing, and places that once felt safe don’t always feel as secure as they used to. The Jewish home, with its warmth and connection to community, is more vital than ever. I do what I do because I believe that, just as there’s more than one way to be a Jew, there must also be more than one way to create a Jewish home.
Our connection to Judaism, our history, and our community doesn’t need to be limited by whom someone chooses to love. We honour our future by creating space for those who wish to join our story, regardless of where their path began. As Blu Greenberg so eloquently taught, “If there is rabbinic will, there is always a halachic way.” In a world filled with challenges from the outside, let’s remember the strength of our tradition to evolve, to hold fast to what truly matters, and to open its doors to those willing to build a Jewish life, heart by heart, family by family.
