23/05/2023
Oooh interesting to think that being judgemental might help us feel a sense of control and therefore be an attempt to meet a need for safety or security. Or even to gain a sense of agency- autonomy and freedom.
When we're being judgmental of others, it's because we believe there's a right way to be; there's a right way to behave, to vote, to show up, to speak, to dress, to communicate, to live, to joke, to do anything.
We learned or found a way that works for us and keeps our world view in tact, and we follow the rules of that way, that story. And if other people don't follow those rules, we judge them. They become stupid, arrogant, self-centered, callous, inconsiderate, tasteless, or what have you.
Similarly, if we don't follow the rules of this worldview, we begin to judge ourselves as stupid, arrogant, self-centered, callous, inconsiderate, tasteless, or what have you.
Our judgment comes from an attempt to keep our worldview in tact because it helps us feel like we have a sense of control and agency; it helps us ground ourselves to something which helps us feel safe and moored.
But there are so many ways to exist in the world, so many ways to show up, to live, to behave, to dress, to relate, to connect, to express ourselves, and to be "right" is most often subjective at best. It's an attempt to feel safe and grounded.
When you find yourself judging other people, reflect back and try to get a sense for what "rules" the other is breaking that you hold for yourself.
For more on this, check out the "Let it Go" self-paced course on emotional self-management. The course walks you through identifying stories and narratives that shape your worldview, looking at your emotional patterns, and learning tools for navigating & being with the discomfort that arises when you're experiencing big feelings. The next LIVE version of the this workshop also begins on June 7.
https://theeqschool.co/let-it-go-workshop
