16/04/2022
So many people around me are getting hurt, divorced, sick and even killed... i’ve seen so many seemingly perfect couples separate, i’ve seen the strongest and toughest people get ill, the most successful businesses collapse, i’ve seen externally the most amazing, charismatic and attractive people have so many troubles internally, i’ve seen those who seem completely innocent being killed for no apparent reason.. and yet i still think that i will find happiness here. Just like king Yudhiṣṭhira said after being asked by Yamarāja what the most wonderful thing in the world was: “Hundreds and thousands of living entities meet death at every moment, but a foolish living being nonetheless thinks himself deathless and does not prepare for death. This is the most wonderful thing in this world.” I’ve been proven a thousand times that there’s nothing permanent in this world. Yet i still believe that i will catch that fading spark...
Recently, the Lord’s been teaching me (and all of us, i believe) to surrender so intensely that it often feels like too much. Like what do You even want from me?? I don’t understand.. i cannot do this.. i cannot handle this by myself... but then i’m like wait... maybe that’s the point. Maybe i should stop trying to handle everything myself, stop trying to control. One kind-hearted person has recently told me that i’m a child of God and that He’s actually in control. I’ve definitely heard this before but this time it really touched me. It filled me with peace and... ease. Then i thought riiight.. He’s been guiding me and taking care of me for so long now, He’s been sending unbelievably amazing people into my life, He’s been teaching me invaluable lessons, He’s given me strength when life seemed unbearable... and i still don’t trust Him. I think i need to reconsider some stuff in my life..
Wish you all peace and acceptance. It’s all undoubtedly for our best. Even though it might be hard to see that in the moment.
