16/04/2024
We’ve started looking for a new home and the other day we fell in love with one. I normally keep my heart locked up in fear of getting hurt, so I refused to get my hopes up. It really was perfect, a one level home with a fireplace, hints of mid century modern, with the most amazing backyard backing up to a creek. When we walked around I felt a sense of home for the first time in a long time. We put in an offer and everything looked like we would get it. I felt like I could open up the cage and let my heart fly, I created stories in my mind of dinner parties and children having fun until we found out someone else was bidding too. And of course we lost. For the rest of the day I felt sad and it felt like I had lost something I never had to begin with. This morning I woke up to a annoyingly lovely day, the sun rose and burned through morning fog as I was driving my son to school. “Do you want to see the baby chicks, they’re double cute”, my son asked. So of course I said yes. After I parked my car, I saw a mom hand our school’s security guard a food package. “I made it for you”, she said and he smiled. “You dip the bread in the sauce and then have it with the rice and vegetables”. He made a little dance of joy on the spot and I took my son’s hand. We looked at the newborn chicks and they were indeed double cute. The sun filtered through some branches and finally I had to accept that the world is still beautiful. My sense of loss is mine to own and get over. Something else will come along and dinner parties will be held in a place that will be just perfect. Life is abundant. Love is.
