29/11/2022
"The repression of healthy anger we know suppresses the immune system and it's literally the commonest characteristic that I've seen in people with malignancy and autoimmune disease." Dr Gabor Maté-Hungarian-Canadian physician.
In the journey of a couple's life together, emotions play a significant role in shaping the dynamics of their relationship. Among these emotions, anger is a natural response to various situations, and when expressed in a healthy manner, it can lead to growth and understanding. As Dr. Gabor Maté, the Hungarian-Canadian physician, suggests, suppressing healthy anger can have adverse effects on our immune system and may contribute to the development of malignancy and autoimmune diseases. In this article, we explore the importance of expressing anger constructively and provide practical ways for couples to navigate this powerful emotion without suppressing it.
Understanding Healthy Anger
Anger is an emotional response that surfaces when we feel threatened, hurt, or frustrated. Contrary to popular belief, anger is not inherently negative; rather, it is a natural reaction that can serve as a protective mechanism. When we repress this emotion, it can manifest internally and negatively impact our physical and emotional well-being. Dr. Gabor Maté's observation highlights the link between suppressed anger and its potential detrimental effects on the immune system, leading to an increased risk of malignancies and autoimmune disorders.
The Impact of Repressed Anger on Relationships
Suppressing anger in a relationship can create a host of issues, including resentment, communication breakdown, and emotional distancing. When partners avoid expressing their feelings of anger, they may inadvertently build emotional walls, hindering effective communication and connection. Over time, these unresolved emotions can contribute to a toxic environment and erode the foundation of the relationship.
Embracing Healthy Anger: Key Strategies for Couples
Cultivate Emotional Awareness: The first step in expressing healthy anger is to recognize and acknowledge the emotion as it arises. Both partners should be encouraged to explore their feelings without judgment or fear of reprisal. Honest and open communication is crucial in this process.
Choose the Right Time and Place: It's essential to find a suitable setting to discuss feelings of anger. Select a time when both partners can be fully present and attentive, avoiding moments of stress or distraction. Create a safe space where both individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of rejection.
Use "I" Statements: During discussions, use "I" statements to express feelings instead of placing blame. For example, saying, "I felt hurt when you canceled our plans without telling me" rather than "You always ruin our plans by being inconsiderate."
Practice Active Listening: Actively listen to your partner's perspective without interrupting or formulating a response prematurely. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you don't fully agree. This fosters an environment of trust and understanding.
Take Breaks When Necessary: Sometimes, conversations about anger can become heated. If tensions rise, it's okay to take a break and revisit the discussion later when both partners have had time to cool down and reflect.
Seek Professional Help: If communication and anger management become persistent challenges in the relationship, seeking the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor can be beneficial. A neutral third party can help identify patterns and provide tools to address anger constructively.
Healthy anger is essential for individual and collective change. This is why it has been shunned and contained in religion, in spirituality, and in various political environments. By suppressing our capacity for anger, they keep us compliant and manipulated. They can’t control us if we have access to our healthy anger...
