MC.Q Entertainment.

23/04/2024

I met this girl at Ikeja one morning, with just #350 in my pocket, I took her out yesterday hoping say we go take two bottles of malt den go back hOTEL to relax. As we reach there b4 i even open my mouth to order for anytin she has already ordered for two bottles of gulder, two plates of pepper soup, a hollandia yoghourt & a lap of fried chicken ... as she was eating them all, I pretended I didn't want anything and and I didn't say anything because I knew I only had #250 remaining because we took #100 bike & I no
wan fall my hands at all. As i was still thinking of what to do, she called the salesgirl and ordered extra beer again (all for herself) and even asked me to go and buy Aboki suya for her outside the
restaurant!!!
Hmmm! As soon as I stepped out of the restaurant, my country people, you fit guess wetin I do?

18/04/2024

Hakimi Dey learn work …😂😂😂

Back in 1994, Gabriel met Christina at a party and they really hit it off. They ended up getting married even though she was 30 years younger than him. They were happily married for 20 years.

However, Christina eventually decided that she wanted to get a divorce. But when she went to her lawyer, she was shocked to hear she was already divorced from Gabriel 20 years ago.

And this is because 4 months after their marriage, the couple went to Dominican Republic for a vacation and Gabriel divorced her there because that's the only country where one party can file for a divorce without informing the other party.

He said he did this because he knew one day Christina would divorce him and try to take his money.

14/04/2024

7 FRIENDS YOU MUST NOT BRING CLOSE TO YOURSELF.

1. Someone who always want to have what you have by all means.

2. Someone who is always competing with you.

3. Someone who is not happy with your success.

4. Someone who tell others lies about you.

5. Someone who can not defend you behind your back.

6. Someone who celebrates your failures and tears.

7. Someone who can't confidently trust you.

Always observe your surroundings, identify them, mark them, operate with them from a distance.
Many are no longer honest again." Life is no rewind, So stay safe and Love our Enemy......

May God bless us All..

13/04/2024

THE SOUND OF SILENCE
There once was a farmer who discovered that he had lost his watch in the barn. It
was no ordinary watch because it had sentimental value for him.
After searching high and low among the hay for a long while; he gave up and
enlisted the help of a group of children playing outside the barn.
He promised them that the person who found it would be rewarded.
Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went through and around the
entire stack of hay but still could not find the watch. Just when the farmer was
about to give up looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and asked to be
given another chance.The farmer looked at him and thought, “Why not? After all,
this kid looks sincere enough.”
So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. After a while the little boy came
out with the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised and so
he asked the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed.
The boy replied, “I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. In the silence, I
heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in that direction.”
A calm mind can think better than a worked up mind. Allow a few minutes of
silence to your mind every day, and see how quickly it helps you to set your life
the way you expect it to be! Deep within us lies the answer to most of our
problems - The challenge is to silence the mind.

03/04/2024

I am still thinking on what happened to me last Saturday. I was invited to a wedding when i reached the hotel, i found two doors written,

1.bride relatives
2.groom relatives

I entered the one with groom relatives and found two more doors,

1.ladies
2.gentlemen

I went through the one with gentlemen, only to find two more doors,

1.people with gifts
2.people without gifts
I went through the one written people without gifts😀and found myself outside the hotel through the backdoor😂.

29/03/2024

Assuming you met your old schoolmate (a lady called Chioma) at a club and you were both drunk.

Then you vibed and you offered to drop her home since she lives on your way.

You got Chioma to your car and she sat at the front seat, then you decided to go back to buy a takeout meal.

While you were gone, Chioma saw her neighbour and told her to hop in the back seat since she has managed to find free and convenient transport to take her home.

Her neighbor, Chinasa gets in your car but dozed off immediately.

Now you get back and started driving. Chioma is already too sleepy and by the time you got to her place, she was too tired and all she wanted to do is get to her bed and sleep. You even helped her out to her door and said your good byes.

Now you are driving home a happy man but you had no idea that Chioma's friend Chinasa was sleeping at the back of your car, since you never saw her or talked to her. Chioma also forgot to tell you about her since she was super tipsy.

You got home, parked your car and since you were also too tired to be keen, you rushed to sleep.

The following day is Sunday, your wife is using your car to church since she knows you are wasted and you are fine by it.

She opens your car around 7am and boom, Chinasa is sleeping at the back. She has removed her bra and shoes. She had a miniskirt and since they don’t put on anything these days, her skirt has pulled up and everything private is visible.

Explain in details, with a graph, how you will convince your wife that you don’t even know Chinasa (60 marks).

You are free to use a calculator. Your time starts now.

Let's laugh small 🤣 😂 and forget our troubles...

25/03/2024

A little boy asks his dad: "What's between mums legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
The kid asks again: "What's between ur legs?"
The father replies: "The key to the paradise."
The son said: Piece of advice dad, change the lock, our neighbour has a copy."

22/03/2024

*Maturity is not when you exit a group because people are discussing nonsense in it. Maturity is when you introduce tangible topics of discussion and engage members. A group must contain the funny, the holy, the soccer pundits, the confused, the trouble makers, the business pundits, the learners, the teachers, the professionals, the experts, the voters, the politicians, the security experts, the legal luminary, the silent and quiet, the intellectuals, the rich, the poor and the joyriders. Just learn to coexist among your peers, but more importantly, learn to TOLERATE others, including their views. That neither means you agree nor that you are a fool. It adds to your greatness and strength...*

20/03/2024

You want to write exam today,
so you spent the whole of yesterday writing
out the expo on a piece of paper.
You nicely slipped it into your pocket.
This morning you are currently in the exam
hall..
So you reached for your expo in your
pocket..
Then this is what you saw:
1061 - over 1.5
3241 - 1st half win
3242 - both team score
621 - win or draw
1242 - both team score
2347- (0:2)
1234- H &o/2.5
4357- ..1x & half time NG
4512- NG
You wore the wrong trouser.
Those witches in your village will just
whisper in your ear...

"Its our work o! ".

15/03/2024

25/02/2024

Japan had invented a machine that catches thieves; They took it out to different countries for a test. In US, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves; UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves; Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves; Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves; Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves, Nigeria, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.

02/02/2024

Choose me or lose me. I'm not a backup plan, & definitely not a second choice.

01/02/2024

*IF YOU REALIZED HOW POWERFUL YOUR THOUGHTS ARE.....*
You will never have a negative thought, either about yourself or someone else. Your thoughts are transmissible into reality.
Think positive, act positive, dream positive. That thought is capable of making or marring your dreams, if not properly managed.
Depression is real..
Su***de is possible...
They are all conceived inside of you.
Your thoughts are powerful.
Think Positive.
Remain blessed.
Good Morning!!

28/01/2024

S*X DRUGS DOES NOT GIVE YOU EXTRA PLEASURE

Sexual enhancement drugs do NOT give extra pleasure. Read again: no extra pleasure. It only delays ej*******on which, in street terms, means "last longer".

But the longer you last, the more pressure on your heart. Yes: on your heart. Even during normal in*******se, your heartbeat rate increases between FORTY and FIFTY PER CENT when you reach or**sm and about discharging.

Have you asked why most men sleep off after s*x? Now, when you take s*xual enhancement drugs, it gets to a stage when you feel you have had enough and all you want is ej*******on.

But it won't come. To force it, you have to get the heart, ALREADY STRESSED, to do extra work.

By that time, if your heart is not strong enough, Baba God will just show mercy on you and call you home. And after initial shock, we start preparing your burial.
And, if they fry puff-puff, I go chop because I no go cry.

Let her call you "two minute noodles". Don't feel bad. Let her go and meet her "one hour beans".

If you last THREE HOURS, na only you and your partner know or whoever either of you tells. It is not Olympics where dem go dey cheer you and you will collect medal after the race.

Above all, when you are above 50-55, don't try to s*xually impress any woman. EVEN YOUR WIFE!

If you die, another man will take over the 'stadium'! That is if that 'stadium' is not even being shared with someone else when you are still alive.

A word is enough for the wise,

18/01/2024

Another reminder ✍🏻

If you enter the mortuary,

You'll be surprised at the sight of it....

Human beings laid down on bare floor and stark naked.

You'll see Some supported by jerry cans,

some were placed on bare floor, some on tables and some on plank.

Women and Men were together but were stoned dead with their private part uncovered So?

👉Why are we struggling to possess everything?

👉Why are we having pride and ego as if we own the world?

👉Why can't we forgive one another and know that vanity over vanity and all is vanity?

See, we came to this world with nothing and we'll leave with nothing.

See house owners, degree holders, car owners, lying on top of one another naked without shame.

See different hair styles on the head of women and here they are stoned dead.

Before you tell someone you're not my class,

Go and asked a mortuary attendant if there's any special bed for your class.

Life is nothing

Position is for a while

Riches and wealth is temporary.

I don't know when am leaving this world

But I have an idea of what will happen to me when am no more.

I want to be better than yesterday,

I want to be more humble.

I want to be more forgiving

And I want to be more humane than before

Because I have seen that life is nothing and death is certain and it is a leveller of status in life.

Let us step on the sand softly as the floor is slippery.

Be humble

And

Stay Motivated

15/01/2024

A man and his wife were in court to have a Divorce.
The problem in contention was ....who should have the possession of the child.??
The man or the woman?
The woman jumped up and said... "My Lord, I am the mother of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour.... alone".
The judge then turned to the man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said ..
"My lord ..I have a question, ....when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine....."? Case adjourned.

10/01/2024

The best test of a sanctified man is to ask his family about him.

29/10/2023

A pastor was praying
for a
man possessed with
DEMON,
he said in the name of
JESUS,
what do you want from
this
man? Speak up b4 I cast
u out dis
moment!!! The DEMON
answered,
I wnt him to win the
American
lotto draw worth $200
million
tonight, d pastor
lowered d
microphone and
whispered,
" Get out and enter me "

26/10/2023

"Racism will never end as long as white cars are stil using black tyres.
Racism will never end as long we stil wash first our white clothes b4 other colors.
Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolize bad luck and white for peace.
Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to wedding and black to funeral. Even when playing the pool (snooker) you haven't won until you sink the black ball and the white ball must remain on the field.
But I don't care so long as I'm still using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass, I'm fine with that.

20/10/2023

*A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.*

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring
at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee...

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room.

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?", he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

Yes, I do", she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?"

'Yes, I remember", says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues.

Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
"Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?""

'I remember that also", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have been released today if only I took the right decision!

*And the f!ght started*

😂😂😂😂

01/10/2023

24/09/2023

Tupac died in 1996
Mohbad was born in 1996

Tupac was born in June and
Mohbad was born in June.

Tupac died in September and
Mohbad died in September.

Lastly Tupac died at the age of 27 while mohbad also died at the age of 27.
What a wonderful coincidence!!

Justice 4 MOHBAD

21/09/2023

*NIGERIA IS FACING SERIOUS SECURITY CHALLENGES, SO IF YOU MUST DO AN INTER - STATE TRAVEL, PLS NOTE THE FOLLOWING:*



1. Schedule it between 9am to 3pm. Don't leave too early and don't be caught in the late hours.



2. Remove titles from your phone contacts. Example: Hon, Alhaji, Chief, Inspector, and military ranks in general and do not display your ID card.



3. While driving, focus on the road and ensure that every 5-7 minutes, there is traffic on the returning lane.



4. Try not to exceed 100km per hour so you can make your judgements timely. It will also help you look out for traps and appreciate the terrain.



5. If you can, please don't use tinted sheets on your car. It passes a message to bandits and criminal elements that you are a VIP or uniformed man/woman.



6. Make sure you always have a spare tyre, plug and fuel pump in your car. Don't ignore this.



7. Even if you are not the one driving, put your phone away and keep your eyes on the road to help driver identify approaching threat.



8. Moving in a convoy has proven not to intimidate criminal elements. Bandits took on an 8-car convoy along Kaduna-Abuja sometimes back.



9. If you must stop to buy food article or ease yourself, it is advisable to take that break at a town or village.



10. Dress down decently while travelling. Avoid clothes, shoes, watches, and other jewelry that make you look more affluent than others. Criminals are very perceptive, and they know how to quickly single you out.



11. Keep to the main roads and avoid lonely dark areas.



12. Let someone know your movements.



13. Always remain LOW PROFILE.



These are safety tips. They will help tremendously, though cannot guarantee total protection from these elements.



*PLS DON'T IGNORE THIS MESSAGE AND FOR NIGERIANS TO STAY SAFE.*

10/09/2023

You may not value ur neighbour until u have an emergency at night.
Your neighbour is ur closest relative.

Live peaceably with all men📌📌📌

25/08/2023

*"AN OLD MAN ASKED ME TO SELL HIS ROOSTER 🐓 (C**K) FOR HIM @ N2,500. I WAS ABLE TO SELL THE ROOSTER 🐓 (C**K) @ N5,000 AND I CAME BACK TO TELL THE OLD MAN THAT I SOLD THE ROOSTER 🐓 (C**K) @ N2,000. THE OLD MAN GAVE ME N500 AS APPRECIATION AND BEGAN TO BLESS ME AND PRAY FOR ME THUS: "EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME TODAY, GOD WILL REPAY YOU A HUNDREDFOLD, EVEN YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WILL REAP THE FRUITS 🍓🍑🍓 OF YOUR WONDERFUL DEEDS TO ME. IN ALL YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL MEET PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP YOU THE SAME WAY YOU HAVE HELPED ME AND DO TO YOU, EVEN MORE THAN YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME TODAY. I AM SHORT OF MORE WORDS, BUT ONLY GOD CAN, AND WILL SURELY REPAY AND REWARD YOU." WHEN THE OLD MAN FINISHED PRAYING, I GAVE HIM BACK HIS N500 PLUS THE N2,500 I HAD TAKEN WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. CHAI, BECAUSE THIS SMALL MONEY 💰💰💰 THIS OLD MAN WANTS TO SUBJECT ME AND MY FAMILY TO A GENERATIONAL CURSE ??? GOD FORBIDS BAD THING. LET US BE HONEST IN ALL THAT WE DO.

REMEMBER "HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY"

21/08/2023

***
There's this popular junction in my street that sacrifices are being dropped weekly. This happens every friday.

The sacrifice could be food, cash, hot drinks or livestock.

So this afternoon, I was on my way back from work when I spotted another sacrifice at the junction. It was fanta, two eggs and five hundred naira note in a calabash.

I was very hungry so I took the items home, leaving the empty calabash behind.

In other to play safe, I had to gift one of the eggs to my friend Chidi. I wanted Chidi to eat it first so as to know if there would be any aftereffect.

I never told Chidi where I got the egg.

So after about an hour later, I had to call Chidi on phone to know if he had truly eaten the egg and he confirmed it. He even told me the egg was very delicious.

"So how do you feel now?" I asked him

"How do you mean?" He replied me

"Like is there any reaction on you? any strange feeling?" I quizzed further

"Not at all" He snapped "Any problem?"

"Not really" I lied "I thought the egg was bad"

Immediately the call dropped, I proceeded to the kitchen. I fried my own egg and used the five hundred naira to buy bread.

The egg and bread combo was indeed very delicious. I even had to step it down with the fanta.

I was still enjoying myself when I heard someone banging incessantly at my door, and before I could go get the door, it swung open and a little boy rushed in. He was Chidi's kid brother.

"Uncle! Uncle! come o something don happen to brother Chidi" He said tearfully, panting.

"Wetin? wetin happen to Chidi?" I stuttered and got up at once.

"Brother Chidi don turn to fowl" He announced bitterly "And him don even lay two eggs"

ME:

18/08/2023

WHEN THE GAME IS OVER....WE SHALL ALL RETURN HOME.

A boy was sent by his father to urgently buy him food from a restaurant. On his way going, he was in a hurry because of the urgency of the assignment.

However, on his way back, he passed where his mates were playing football. He slowed down, began to watch the game, gradually slowing down until he finally stopped. He watched for a while and got carried away, he became interested, and indicated his interest in playing, he was invited.

He left the food in the care of some unknown people and entered the field. He forgot the assignment completely and played his heart out. He became the man of the match, dribbled opponents, created chances, scored goals and changed the face of the entire game.

When night came, the owner of the ball picked it up. It was time for everyone to go home; to go back to their parents, the game was over!

It now dawned on the boy after everyone had left that he had actually been sent to buy food by his hungry father. He went to where he kept the food, it had already been eaten by goats and dogs, "but I kept this food with some guys here a moment ago." He said.

He picked the plates, but was no longer happy, all the excitement of the game disappeared, the people clapping for him were all gone, the opponents he was playing against were all gone, the ball itself was gone, time was gone, those selling food were gone, he couldn't buy another!

Regrets took over him, he sluggishly walked home, with tears of sorrow and regrets whilst hiding in the dark.

When people saw him, they asked him why he was crying and hiding in the dark with empty plates! He had left with clean plates full of excitement, but returned with same empty plates, so dirty and stained !

When they asked him "Why he couldn't go home, he said his father will beat him". He knew the implications of a wasted time. So sad, too late.

Hear this: We have a home and a Father to return to at the end of life's journey when all is said and done.

Don't be distracted, don't rejoice when people are clapping for you while doing the wrong things, they won't be there when you are to give an account of your stewardship.

Avoid Distractions, we are sent here for an assignment, the Father is waiting for us, this ball we are busy playing, when night comes, the owner will pick it, the crowd will disappear, we'll be left alone to go back and give a report to our Maker. What will you tell Him ?

Think about it.

WHEN THE GAME IS OVER.....WE SHALL ALL RETURN HOME.