21/03/2022
To all my beautiful midlife sisters.......to those who are struggling, hormonal, menopausal, unable to sleep, worrying, awakening, slowing down, finding themselves, journeying with life, to those of us who are too much, or feel not enough, too big, too small, need more exercise, exhausted, confused, loving, hating, crying, hiding, smiling.......... honestly it's confusing!!!!
''I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''
~ Brené Brown
I get tired of sometimes showing up, being seen, being out there, pushing through, sometimes I want to just play small, to hide, to be alone, to feel the intimacy and love of connection, to know it's all ok. Is it midlife? Or is it just finding who I am now, after a approaching 47, after a hysterectomy 7 years ago when I turned 40, my body feeling older than it is, as it journeys with its lack of hormones.........
Don't get me wrong, I've worked hard to keep a lid on things, I've dug deep to keep showing up, I've given when I'm empty, I've been "out" there when I've wanted to be alone. But as time moves gently on, I find I'm in a different place, yet still with young adults who need me.
If I had naturally moved through this place of menopause I'd be 10 years on, my kids would be 21 and 27, not 11 and 17, they would have there own lives. I'd be able to feel what my needs are each day, instead of doing too much.
And yet, I FLIPPING LOVE what I do. I love being the therapist I am, I love being the hostess of our air BnB and retreats, I love holding circles, and creating safe space, I love sharing with you here on social media, I love the deep healing journey I've been on of late, finding even more layers of myself, after all how can I serve anyone else, if I'm not prepared to look at my own 💩.
They call it "the change" for a reason. Everything is changing, and yes it is hard......it is letting go, it is allowing life, it is a desire to feel safe and held, it is a need for understanding, and feeling the love, and yet it is also a desire to hide whilst this transformation happens, because it isn't always love and roses, it isn't always easy, sometimes, there just needs to be you, your journal, your thoughts, your confusion, your inability to understand the world, and your aching body as the last drops of oestrogen slowly diminish......and no this isn't me feeling sorry for myself, or wanting any kind of sympathy, it's me learning how to show up, not hide every moment, to be my true authentic self, not hide behind the glamour, make up, and pretence that life is all good, all of the time .......
Because it isn't, it's ups and downs, cycles, life, stories, journeys and sometimes we just need to be easy on our selves.
So wherever you are in life right now, STOP, take a breathe, tune in with yourself, ask yourself the question how am I actually feeling, right now.....Mind, Body, Soul, Spirit, how is all of me truly feeling? And then tune in with what do you actually need?
My partner is great at asking me what I need, but often I can't answer because I'm so disconnected from myself, I have no idea what my true needs are...... So just for this moment STOP and check in with yourself ........
Much love, from me, showing up as me.......
♥️
5am office no make up selfie........ because I just couldn't lie awake any longer, so here I am......no filters ever, I show up as me always ..... Real is all I can be x
