01/03/2023
Sometimes I come across an old photo and wish I could go back and watch that day unfold as an adult. I wish I could talk to my Grandparents and Parents to really understand how they were feeling in these moments captured.
I wonder if they were happy, felt loved, were they sad, stressed, worried about working the next day or who was going to do the laundry. I wonder what my Grandpa was doing in the back of this photo, and if he wanted to just get back to his game of solitaire, or if he loved having all of his family over at the house that afternoon. I wonder if my Grandma was in the kitchen cooking, or sitting on the porch, swing with Chance and Timmy eating a fudge sickle and telling stories about Mary Jane . I wonder if they ran out to get bubblegum and orange TicTacโs last minute before we all came over, or if they stocked up every time they went to the grocery store and just had them on hand in a drawer somewhere. If they looked in the Sears and JC Pennys catalogs after we left to see what we had circled for our Christmas list, and chatted about who would be getting what. Or if Grandma glanced through while my Grandpa sat at the table playing solitaire or opened the mail and it was quiet. If they were happy.
I wonder if my dad was happy, if he told his mom he loved her that day? That he knew his dad loved him and gave him a hug when he left. Iโm sure if that did not happen he wishes he could go back and change it now. I wonder if he was stressed about money, car problems, work the next day or just happy to have a day off to spend time with his family. If my mom picked out his outfit or if he just grabbed what was clean in the closet. I wonder if they bickered on the drive over, listened to the radio, if it was just silent or they laughed and talked with Chance and I. I wonder if my mom was talking with my Aunt Susie or if they were helping my Grandma get ready for lunch. And I wonder if they were able to relax and enjoy the day or too busy taking care of everyone else. I wonder if any of them ever paused to cherish those small moments and take it all in.
I hope that my grandparents felt loved by their family and that my dad and mom felt loved by us kids, even when we did not know how to show it sometimes. That they donโt just say โyeah I know you love meโ But really let themselves pause, feel and know that they are truly appreciated, and important .
Itโs so strange how relationships with parents change from when you are a child into your teenage years and now as an adult. I think about how they were feeling or what they were dealing with on the inside back then. I wish I could see it all over again from their prospective. I have never really been great at pausing in life. Patience is not my virtue! I need to remember it is ok to pause. That I can choose to be vulnerable, Patient, understanding, admit if I was wrong, be nice, love unconditionally, forgive, show grace, meet people, where they are at and ask if I can share my heart and feelings in a loving way, rather than just forcing my opinion or thoughts on them. That we can always try to heal broken relationship, or just make the good ones even stronger!
I hope I continue to remind myself to pause with my kids, husband, and parents, and allow myself to feel loved by them and let them know how much they are loved by me. To be less anxious and stressed about the unknown and allow myself to soak up the new moments and memories we make.
Is so sad as we get older and sweet precious memories slip away. I pray my dad knows and remembers the happy times and holds on to the memories of his mom hugging him, holding Chance and I as babies and always letting us order the kind of pizza we wanted on Friday nights. Being so proud of Payton one band and knowing his granddaughter Lyla Mae was bound to be a volleyball star one day soon. Being excited to see Payton grandparents high hoop and wondering what college he will pick next year. Hoping Lyla Mae finds the Perfect guy to marry! Knowing she will Probably picking the
First Dress, she tries on, but wonโt realize until she tries many more and circles back to that.Very first one she loved from the beginning. to see her get married dresses up So Beautiful!
My dad will have to watch these new memories from Heaven as he joined my grandpa and grandma Seales There this evening.
I know these last few weeks being here At home, He really took in each and every special movement with all
If is. Cherished each second that Jesus an allowed his body to keep push on and enjoy with us here on earth.He was such a hard worker who so very much loved his family, us kids and his
Grandkids. I love you dad and thank you for fighting so hard. Now find
Peace Jesus๐