17/07/2024
Living with depression & anxiety disorders isn't easy. Compounding my particular problem is the sense of on-going rejection. Granted, anyone who can't handle rejection shouldn't be in show biz, but I am and I'm becoming very, very bitter around it all, and I believe "rightfully so". Over a decade of advertising and promotions have availed me NOTHING! Just shattered hopes and dreams. My hands being tied by City Hall because of ordinances against using any form of amplification... PUPPET SHOWS REQUIRE SOUND SYSTEMS FOR MUSIC, SOUND FX, ETC but the intellects running this town and running roost over the Parks dept, don't give a sh**! They deliberately work against anyone that's trying to earn their money by way of legitimate busking... but it's fine to host a city filled with the lethargic spanning all of Main St. panhandling (and they wonder why tourism has dropped?)
I am frustrated with the circumstance, especially as I am investing all of my free time into a project ... a tour .. for the 2025 season. One that will give me hope, allow me to be of community service, while making a little bit of money. Hopefully enough to let me move from this town into a community that's more supportive and aware of just how powerful and positive an influence Park/Sidewalk performance can be, when managed properly.
Don't get me wrong, I love Northampton, it just doesn't like me. None of the traditional outlets for work in my field have ever called upon me for shows even though I have submitted numerous propositions, price lists, etc. Not one has been willing to hire a wheelchaired performer! Not one has asked if the chair was relivant... something I needed on stage? The myopia is astounding!
I want to work... that's all I have ever wanted to do, is present my shows... shows that are similar to other productions involving magic, mentalism or puppets. Not even those I know who are in the position to offer a hand-up, will do so... it's against policy?
Anywho... I needed to vent... after a week of hearing others on the magician's boards, mock and insult me... after the years of rejections, I've just about come to the end of my rope... It's just not worth it anymore...