Black Salt Culinary (2025)

02/12/2022

This is just a happy snap taken before I’d even filled up (let alone prettied up) the plate, but it’s all I have. I started making these easy crowd pleasers a couple of years ago. Locally made pork chipolatas, split down the middle, stuffed with cheddar, American mustard and a thin pickle strip, closed back up again, then wrapped in not-too-much filo. Through trial and error (OK, OK, just error) I realised if the pastry is allowed to soften until it’s dangerously close to soggy, once cooked it forms an ultra thin, crisp ‘skin’ that partly exposes the filling in places. You may think ‘hot mess’ but I’m going for ‘charming and rustic’ because it really really works. However you look at them, they’re a much happier accident than the time I cracked a bad egg into the Christmas cake batter….

23/11/2022

I messed up 30 cheese & onion tarts last night (don’t even ask) and right now I should be re-making them, as well as sugarcane prawns, a basque cheesecake, my own Christmas cake and a variety of mildly eccentric truffle fillings. The cat is moulting, the grass is growing so fast I can hear it and I have several cupboards being aggressively haunted by the ‘best before’ dates of long-dead speciality flours. So why am I buggering around making miniature baked ‘sushi’? Because we all have hidden talents, and mine are procrastination, culinary impulsivity and the ability to waste extraordinary amounts of time lying on the sofa reading 45 year old Douglas Adams books. The impulsive faux sushi was rather yummy though…

02/11/2022

I suggested these as a menu item today. Glossy, crispy, compressed puff pastry ‘crackers’, mushroom-truffle butter, rare eye fillet, fresh horseradish with a bit of extra zing (and some bush-pantry vibes) coming from a lillipilli bud garnish…. ‘Suggesting’ lead to ‘thinking’ lead to ‘mildly obsessing’ lead to ‘hurriedly making’ lead to a little tray of them sitting in front of me and no one but me available to eat them… oh, woe! Oh well.

02/11/2022

I suggested these as a menu item today. Glossy, crispy compressed puff pastry ‘crackers’, mushroom-truffle butter, rare eye fillet, fresh horseradish with a little bit of extra zing and some bush-pantry vibes coming from the lillipilli bud garnish…. ‘Suggesting’ lead to ‘thinking’ lead to ‘mildly obsessing’ lead to ‘hurriedly making’ lead to a little tray of them sitting in front of me and no one but me here to eat them… oh, woe! Oh well.

29/10/2022

Right now, we’re spoilt for choice when it comes to evidence that the world is going mad. Feel free to stick with your own personal favourite, but I recently found mine.

Butter boards.

To give full vent to the topic of my hatred would take more energy than I have right now, so all I can say is this.

If you suddenly feel the urge to invite people over and proudly feed them nothing but a kilo of butter that’s been dropped from a great height then sprinkled with raw red onion and slightly poisonous flowers, please don’t. The poor bastards have more enough to deal with right now.

Chris’ Not the End of the World Butter Board (No smearing required) consists of

Roasted garlic & summer truffle
Bacon and chives
Magic Mushroom*
White miso and chilli
Fetta & rosemary

*not really

** swipe if you’d like to see a couple of pictures of my project cottage

29/10/2022

Right now, we’re spoilt for choice when it comes to evidence that the world is going mad. Feel free to stick with your own personal favourite, but I recently found mine.

Butter boards.

To give full vent to the topic of my hatred would take more energy than I have right now, so all I can say is this.

If you suddenly feel the urge to invite people over and proudly feed them nothing but a kilo of butter that’s been dropped from a great height then sprinkled with raw red onion and slightly poisonous flowers, please don’t. The poor bastards have more enough to deal with right now.

Chris’ Not the End of the World Butter Board (No smearing required) consists of

Roasted garlic & summer truffle
Bacon and chives
Magic Mushroom*
White miso and chilli
Fetta & rosemary

*not really

Oh, and swipe if you’d like to see a couple of pictures of the time- consuming project cottage

16/10/2022

So. Once again, I’ve been left traumatised by a sadist who thought it was funny to wrap old breadcrumbs and the unseasoned contents of a Maccas sink strainer in puff pastry and call it a gourmet sausage roll. It was three pm. We hadn’t had lunch. I was covered in mud, paint, wood chips and a spider or two. All I wanted was a coffee and something edible that I didn’t have to cook myself. Let’s just say I got the coffee. As for the twisted bastard who made the sausage roll, you could at least have added a pinch of salt.

These were the antidote. I am now well on the road to recovery.

09/09/2022

Thank you.

03/09/2022

it was probably more than 2 years ago when I first made Dan Hongs cheeseburger spring rolls. At least I think it’d be about that… Is it just me or did other people experience the Covid time warp? As far as I’m concerned 2020 and most of 2021 took about 27 seconds, and the only thing I had to show for them afterwards were extra grey hairs and a vague memory of cheap petrol. Anyway, I digress. Spring rolls! Variations of these seems to be all over the place now, which is understandable given they’re yummy and super easy to make, but they were yesterdays news to me until my dear sister jogged my memory by asking if I’d ever made them. Yes I had. It may have been in 2019 and it may have been a week last Tuesday, but one thing I do know is it was today as well. The filling is in the freezer and the testers had no purpose at all aside from my own abject greed. They’re ready whenever you are, sis.

01/09/2022

If someone wanted to torture me, they’d only have to tie me to a chair, glue my eyes open and force me to watch Kim Jong un eating a double whopper without a napkin. I’d give up your secrets faster than Kim Kardashian can photoshop cellulite.
What does that have to do with these almost embarrassingly simple, ‘one bite’ Filet Mignon skewers? Well, nothing really, I was just thinking that (vegans excused) the combo of whole baby king oyster mushrooms panfried in butter, smoked salt and thyme, with bacon and rare eye fillet, may very well be the opposite of Torture by Food. In future I’ll offer Mandy Lee’s amazing mushroom steak sauce on the side and I reckon I’ll be onto a winner.

30/08/2022

I seem to be on a cupcake roll at the moment…

25/08/2022

Love is pain.

I recently fell deeply in love with Bun Bo Hue (a spicy Vietnamese beef noodle soup). Which meant I had no choice but to learn to create it. Which meant I had to make both a spicy chilli oil and a lovely well-balanced beef broth…which meant I had to buy beef bones….and that’s where the pain kicked in.

Chris: ‘may I have 2 kilos of beef bones, please?’
Butcher: ‘What was that you wanted?’
Chris: ‘Bones’
Butcher: ‘Bones?’
Chris: ‘Yes, beef bones, for stock’
Butcher: ‘Stock?’
Chris: ‘Yes, stock. To make soup’
Butcher: ‘Gary! There’s a lady out here wanting BONES!’
Butcher no. 2 ‘Bones?’

You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d asked for a large joint of smoked Stegosaurus (preferably on special)

Anyway, at great financial and emotional cost, and after visiting no fewer than 5 butchers and a major supermarket, I had what I needed and triumphantly produced an excellent chilli oil, 5 litres of next-level broth, a decidedly yummy terrine cobbled together from the slow cooked leftover meat, and this. It’s not authentic (yet) but I think our story has only just begun.

Ain’t love grand…..

15/08/2022

I haven’t been posting much lately because over the past few months, changes to my ‘day job’ saw it morph from a moderately challenging career into a slavering, cannibalistic, merciless monster. Naturally, when offered the chance to take a mental health break, I chose to do the only thing in the world guaranteed to be even more stressful; renovate a 105 year old cottage. These first attempt Siu Mai are not catering worthy, but when you stagger home after a long day; battered, bruised, mildly dehydrated and with a goodly portion of your fingernails (and your bank balance) twirling merrily into infinity….what better consolation than a plate of steaming dumplings, dripping with soy, caviar and comfort….?

11/07/2022

When life hands you lemons…(and sugar, butter, eggs, flour, vanilla and wafer flowers) make…cupcakes.

02/07/2022

If I had to choose between salt and sugar, I’d opt for hypertension every single time. I’d happily spend my remaining years putting Vegemite on my toast, anchovies on my pizza, miso in my soup and blue cheese in my muffins. The candy man can go cry in a corner; I’d rather leave a Pied Piper trail of Murray River flakes wherever I went. Stands to reason I’d be attracted to the concept of a savoury cheesecake then. And I was. What’s not to like about approximately a ton of variously salty cheeses, stuffed into a tin and baked? Nothing. That’s what. Nothing.

08/06/2022

Is it wrong of me to not adore cooked salmon? When it comes to salmon and scallops I simply don’t think you can beat the flavour, texture and indefinable, oceanic sweetness of raw and naked… (well, naked except for an oil-slick of the very best soy money can buy) and yet now, right away, I’m going to make a liar of myself. These canapés are very much cooked and very much clothed but they’re yum! To make them, I topped small squares of Careme puff pastry with a brick of Boisin cheese, a dollop of freshly made caper salsa and a finger of salmon, wrapped it all up into a little boat and basted it with burnt butter. Baked until golden and topped with more capers (fried next time, or caper dust perhaps?) they’re creamy, crispy and salty with a retro almost vol-au-vent vibe to them. They’re delicious and I’ll be making them again. Btw, each one is gone in 2 small bites; the spoon in the picture wrecks the perspective because it’s a miniature.

05/06/2022

I have come to accept there is no way I will ever get fried rice paper parcels to look good. Pork, prawns, scallops….there’s all kinds of crispy goodness lurking on those spoons, even if they do look like I’m serving up scrapings from the nether regions of a really dirty bbq….

26/05/2022

The humble spud. Where would we be without it? No Sunday roasts, no pommes purée, no tatie gems or Bluebird green onion chips, no wedges or Vichyssoise or worthless junkfood fries with extra chicken salt….no teeny tiny bite-sized baked potatoes stuffed with cream cheese, roasted garlic, bacon, chives and smoked cheddar….doesn’t bear thinking about, really, does it?

Black Salt Culinary

02/12/2022

23/11/2022

02/11/2022

02/11/2022

29/10/2022

29/10/2022

16/10/2022

09/09/2022

03/09/2022

01/09/2022

30/08/2022

25/08/2022

15/08/2022

11/07/2022

02/07/2022

08/06/2022

05/06/2022

26/05/2022

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