Jan Biglin Funeral and Marriage Celebrant (2024)

04/01/2023

A new experience today! I just conducted a funeral service for a dedicated truckie, and he was the first to take his final truck ride in Amity Rose’s new hearse – a “one of a kind in the world” - a Kenworth truck hearse. The fellow truckies present certainly appreciated the amazing workmanship and thought behind this new hearse. Congratulations, Amity Rose.

01/08/2022

People ask me “how do you do it, as a funeral celebrant, being around death and dying all the time?” but, in truth, that is not what I see. It is not the deaths that I hear or think about, it is all about the lives that these people have lived. Their times on this earth have been filled with love, faith, cultures and traditions; and the stories I hear of the feats they have achieved are amazing, and, every single time, I learn more about life and living, and it teaches me to appreciate the amazing things that people have done, their approaches to dealing with life, and the good that is in so many people.
Most people are very modest about their loved ones’ lives, but when you delve a little deeper, you find great hardships that have been overcome; many kindnesses that have been given; barriers that have been broken that have opened up the future for others; exciting times of adventures that have been undertaken; and so it goes on. And, hearing all of these things, shows me that often it is the little things in life that are the greatest things, too. Often so under-estimated.
So, to the many that ask me that question ….. that’s how I do what I do, and that is why I appreciate the opportunities I have through being a funeral celebrant!

24/04/2022

“Speak to people in a way that if they died the next day, you’d be satisfied with the last thing you said to them”.

Interviewing people who are organising family funerals can be so sad when you hear them say – “I wish I had told them”… or …. “My last words to them were said in anger” …. or …. “we haven’t spoken properly for so long” … or …. whatever! There are just so many regrets, and it makes losing a loved one so much harder. Hence this quote! I think we all need reminding sometimes so we can be peaceful in our hearts when a loved one passes on.

18/05/2021

I finally had my dream come true – to do a wedding ceremony at Cape Riche, my favourite place in the world!

The ceremony was held on the banks of the Eyre River that runs through Cape Riche Homestead, close enough to the beach to hear the waves breaking on the shore, with swans, pelicans and ducks floating along as background on the river. I’m sure they were just cruising through to see what was going on.

Where else would the bride and groom choose for their wedding with all this in the background, within 100 metres of their cosy home, and with a big decorated shearing shed to enjoy their wedding breakfast and listen to the speeches. Plenty of room for the kids to play and sooo many scenic backgrounds for photos – the beach, the river, the paperbark trees, the vintage machinery, the historic ruins.

May you have forever years together in peace and happiness, Courtney and Adam, and thank you for making my number one wedding dream come true.

27/02/2021

Well, that was an amazing first for me - a live jazz band at a funeral I had the privilege of conducting this morning. Dave Rastrick and his small band did a wonderful send-off for a person who just loved jazz and I'm sure he would have been so happy to have heard and seen everyone singing and dancing along to "When the Saints Go Marching In". The love that being felt for this man was so obvious and the atmosphere there today will help his memory live on for a long time. Not for everyone, but for this family it was an amazing send off for their much loved Husband, Dad and friend to many. May he rest in peace now knowing that his family followed his last wishes.

02/01/2021

What to Tell the Children

One of the most frequently asked questions when somebody that is loved has died is “How do I tell the children?”

We are always worried that children will be devastated by a loved one’s death; that they won’t understand; and we just want to protect them. Amazingly, though, children often handle death better than we do as adults. It is when we exclude them, or try to hide things from them, that they become frightened, hurt, feel rejected and left out.

They need to be included and told as soon as possible, preferably by someone close to them. They need to be told the truth and the reality of it all, not be told fairy tales or half truths that just confuse them. But what and how we tell them depends very much on their age and their level of understanding.

Up to the age of about six years old

Very young children have no conception of the finality of death. Their only experience is probably through cartoon characters when they see them blown to pieces then suddenly be there again for the next adventure. When it becomes close and personal though, they DO feel loss and grief and CAN understand sadness. They need to understand that it is okay to feel sad and need lots of hugs and reassurance that everyone else is still there for them. Questions will come up such as “What does it mean to die?”, “Why do we die?” To be dead simply means that a person can no longer do normal things – they can’t talk, or eat, or walk, and, if they have been sick or in pain, they no longer have that hurt. We need to explain that all living creatures die, it is part of life – we are born, we grow, and blossom, then fade – just like flowers in the garden, or when pets die. It is okay to feel sad when this happens, especially with people.

It is also important to point out that people who die are usually old, but it sometimes happens that people are badly hurt or get very sick. Even though doctors and nurses try very hard, they may not always be able to make them well again.

It is wise to answer children’s questions as they arise – simply and honestly, without going into too much detail. If they want more they will come back and ask for more. They may ask the same questions over again as they often need that repetition to help them understand.

Six to ten years of age

Children of this age will often react to death the same way adults do. They may feel shock and anger; they may deny that the death has occurred; they blame other people; or feel guilty for some interaction that has occurred between themselves and the person who has died. Often though, they are not able to understand their own moods and emotions. They may regress in their behaviour; become aggressive to family or playmates; destroy things; or throw tantrums.
Their grief can manifest itself in many ways and that is why it is important to let them see that you are grieving too; to share your feelings and your tears; and to let them know that it is okay to cry and okay to talk about how we feel and the person who has died.

This age of children can also be very curious about the physical aspects of death and funerals, and it is important that their questions be answered truthfully so that there is no fear of the unknown. Yes, it needs to be done gently, but they need to know what is to be expected if they are to be involved in a viewing and a ceremony, and attending the funeral should be encouraged.

The difference between cremation and burial should also be explained. Out of respect for the person who has died, it can be said that the person’s body or “house” is gently placed in a coffin and either buried or cremated. With burial the coffin is lowered into the ground and covered and the body or “house” gradually wears away until all that is left are bones in the ground. With a cremation the coffin is carefully placed in a special kiln and gently burned until all that is left are small pieces of bone that are placed in a container and can be kept by the family or disposed of according to the person’s wishes.

Answering questions honestly and simply is the key to helping this age group through their grief. Ask them if they understand what you have said and let them know they can ask more questions at any time. if you don’t know the answers to their questions, tell them that but then find out for them.

Children over the age of eleven and teenagers

Children in this range should be treated as adults and, like adults, will have difficulty understanding their reactions and emotions. They will often cut themselves off, but it is important to not be afraid to cry in front of them and to talk openly about death and about the deceased person. Do not force them to contribute to conversations, but perhaps ask their opinions on when and how things might be done, or what they think about arrangements being made, but, again, don’t force them. Asking them for help or for hugs when you need them yourself will often help them to express their own feelings.

It is a good idea to let the school, or groups that your child is involved with, know that someone close has died in case they need someone outside of the family to talk to. And sometimes literature just left lying around can help, too.

So, how do we help our children grieve? Just by being there, sharing your grieving with them, letting them know that it is okay to show their grief, including them by giving them a special job to do, and answering their questions in simple terms, and, above all, show your love for them and let them know you are there for them.

25/11/2020

Why Do Brides Wear Veils?

The truth is, no one’s entirely sure. Veils came into practice at different points in different cultures, and have seen dips and increases in their popularity. But here are the main interesting stories behind brides wearing veils:

Brides wear veils to ward off demons

Wedding veils started being a thing in Roman times, when brides were covered from head to toe in a massive red veil called ‘flammeum’. Why? Because Romans were scared of evil spirits popping into the ceremony to curse the couple. They thought that making it look like the bride was on fire would scare them off. This belief eventually progressed into using the veil to confuse spirits, which makes a bit more sense than the fire thing. The Romans figured that by covering up the bride’s face, the spirit wouldn’t be able to make their attack as they wouldn’t be sure who the bride actually was.

Brides wear veils to hide their face

This theory says that veils were being used to hide the bride’s identity. But this time, she wasn’t protecting who she was from spirits – she was trying to keep her face a secret from her groom. In early weddings when marriages were arranged entirely through fathers, with the bride given away in exchange for money and goods, fathers giving away their daughters wanted to hide their face until the last possible minute, so that a less attractive bride wouldn’t spoil the agreement. This eventually got transformed into the ‘cute’ tradition that decrees that men can’t see their bride before the wedding, perhaps?

Brides wear veils to symbolise their virginity

It’s all to do with being covered - veil intact, virginity intact - so you can go right ahead and get married!

Brides have their veils lifted as a sign of ownership

Think about it this way: whoever unwraps a present is the owner, right? So through the ages, tradition has stated that the father of the bride must lower the veil on his daughter’s face, in order to ‘gift’ her to her new husband. Once they’re about to get married, the husband can then lift the veil, symbolising his new ownership of his bride.

Brides wear veils to show that their love is more than skin-deep

If you still want to wear a veil purely for the prettiness factor, don’t stress. There’s another, non-horrifying reason behind the tradition. In the Jewish faith, veils are meant to act as a public display that the groom isn’t just marrying his bride because of how she looks. He’s basically saying ‘I love you so much, I would marry you even if I can’t see your face.’

Why would you choose to wear a veil? Perhaps to just be the beautiful bride!

21/11/2020

The new Harley carriage! An amazing piece of craftsmanship designed just from a photo. Saw someone off in this today on its maiden trip. He would have been thrilled to know he was the first to have a ride in it. Was very special. Rest in peace.

25/10/2020

WHAT DO WEDDING RINGS REPRESENT?

The humble wedding ring has been about for years, longer than any of us, and still as important as ever. While the design of weddings rings is becoming more modern, in many cases, the tradition and symbolism of the ring is as strong today as it’s ever been.
The wedding ring is a symbol of love through time, a symbol of devotion and an agreement between two parties to love and cherish one another for the rest of their days.
Wedding rings are, of course, circular in shape and this in itself carries a symbolic meaning for the couple getting married. A circle has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way love should be.
For many the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. This is because the vein in this finger was believed to lead directly to the wearer's heart. However, in many European countries it is actually customary for the wedding ring to be worn on the right hand.
Wedding rings have been worn since ancient Egyptian times, when they were woven from plants that grew alongside the river Nile. They were later incorporated into the Christian and Jewish wedding ceremonies, and it became common for the bride to be given a ring when she got married. More recently both the bride and groom receive a wedding ring on their wedding day.
Wedding ring metal type
For centuries the type of material a ring was made from or the presence of a precious stone let others know the owner was in a high stately class within society. A king’s wedding ring was often used as an emblem to mark a document with it said to then carry the power of the throne.
Platinum has become an increasingly popular metal for wedding rings nowadays - a valuable and prestigious metal choice.. It is also naturally hypoallergenic so it will not irritate those with sensitive skin.
Plain yellow/white gold wedding bands are usually considered the traditional form of the wedding ring. These rings became popular because of their simple and practical style. They are still commonly worn, particularly by people who lead active lifestyles or who need a ring that can easily be kept clean.
Rose gold is becoming an increasingly more attractive metal type for wedding rings due to its deep underlying meaning. Rose gold is said to represent love compared to white gold representing friendship and yellow gold which means fidelity.
Wearing wedding bands that are decorated with precious stones is just as historic a practice as the use of the wedding ring itself. Diamond wedding rings are a popular choice because of their beauty and significance. Diamonds have been associated with eternity because of their enduring nature and strength, while there is also an association between diamonds and love. This makes them the perfect stone to symbolise the love of a married couple. Other precious stones may also be worn on wedding bands, either on their own or alongside diamonds. Each precious stone has its own meaning and symbolism.
Personalised engraving - You can make your wedding bands more personal with something romantic, meaningful or memorable engraved on their inside. Engraving a wedding ring is becoming more and more popular. It gives you an opportunity to say something short and special, something meaningful between you and your partner. Some people go for a simple “I love you” whilst others go for initials and the wedding date. The beauty of an engraving is that it can be whatever you want it to say.
The wedding ring - A beautiful symbol of love through the ages!

17/08/2020

What Type of Service Do I Want in Remembrance of a Loved One?

When someone in our family passes away, one of the first decisions that needs to be made is – what type of ceremony do I want for them? It is not essential to hold a service at all, although most families do choose to honour their family member by holding a ceremony to say good-bye. Family and friends left behind also need that closure.

There is no hard and fast rule on what you HAVE to do. It is entirely up to you, but there are basically three main approaches: a funeral service; a graveside service, or a memorial service. How do they differ?

A funeral is when you have a ceremony before the body is cremated or buried. This can take place at a funeral director’s premises, at the cemetery chapel, or at any other place of your choosing. Usually the body is present and is transported away after the ceremony for cremation or burial.

A graveside ceremony can take place following a funeral service, or the whole ceremony can be simply at the graveside, as the name suggests, followed by the interment of the body with mourners present.

A Memorial service is when you have the ceremony after the body has already been cremated or buried. This can be held at any place of your choosing, as previously mentioned, and people will often choose a venue that is special for the deceased person or the family.

When choosing which way to go, it is wise to talk with the funeral director and they will guide you as to how to manage it. People will generally ask a Celebrant to help them to organise and conduct the ceremony as it is often just too hard to do yourself when you are feeling the sadness and grief that comes with a death. The Celebrant will work closely with you to write a ceremony according to your wishes, incorporating your ideas or the loved one's requests, and including anyone that wishes to be a part of the ceremony, and then they will conduct the ceremony on your behalf. If you do not know a Celebrant, just ask the funeral director and they can assist you. You do not have to go with the Celebrant that the Funeral Director suggests, but can bring someone of your own choice in to do it for you.

Alternatively, it is quite acceptable for a family member or friend to do this task for you. If you are going that way, the only question that should be asked first is: can they do a job that will do my loved one proud? - that is, conduct a stress-free, smooth and professional ceremony that incorporates the family’s wishes and leaves you feeling that you have done the best for your loved one?

Above all though, remember that it is a ceremony in remembrance of YOUR loved one and it needs to be done to the wishes of the deceased person and the close family so that you can feel at peace with it afterwards.

18/06/2020

Why Do We Have Funerals?

One result of this Covid virus is that people are seeing the need to have funeral ceremonies. Some people have chosen not to have a funeral for their loved one, because of the current circumstances, but down the track they are realising that something isn’t quite right – that they are not moving through the mourning process as they would normally do. Why? Because the formal ritual of a funeral service helps us meet some very basic needs for the human soul.

1) Firstly it helps us acknowledge the reality of the death of a loved one. We need to do this in order to be able to move forward with our grief. Yes, we have been told that someone we loved has died but we often tend to deny this in our minds. Through dealing with the funeral home, planning the service, viewing the body and perhaps even choosing the clothes for the body, we cannot avoid acknowledging that the person really has died, and, seeing the coffin being lowered into the ground, or the hearse driving away to the crematorium, brings it fully home to us.
2) With this acknowledgement of death we begin to embrace the pain of the loss, which we must do before we can begin to heal. We need a time for expressing our grief. Everyone does this in their own way, but often a funeral provides us with an “acceptable” venue for displaying that grief.
3) To heal that grief, we must shift our relationship with the deceased from being a physical presence to being a memory. The authentic funeral encourages us to begin this shift, for it provides a natural time and place for us to think about the moments we shared, good and bad, with the person who has died. Like no other time before or after the death, the funeral invites us to focus on our past relationship with that one, single person and to share those memories with others.
4) The funeral also helps us to begin the slow process of developing a new personal identity. When someone close to us dies we have to shift our identity from being that person’s son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife..... The funeral provides us with a social venue for public acknowledgement of our new roles in life – a place where there are supportive friends and family around that give identity to the fact that we do literally still exist. This need can be seen through the common words from mourners - “When he/she died I felt like part of me died too”.
5) Questioning the meaning of life is always something that arises at the time of death and funerals. Why did this person die? Why now? Why this way? Why does it have to hurt so much? What happens after death? To heal in grief, we must explore these types of questions if we are to become reconciled to our grief. In fact, we must first ask these “why” questions to decide why we should go on living before we can ask ourselves how we will go on living. This does not mean we must find definitive answers, only that we need the opportunity to think (and feel) things through. Funerals are a way in which we as individuals and as a community convey our beliefs and values about life and death. The very fact of a funeral demonstrates that death is important to us. For the living to go on living as fully and as healthily as possible, this is as it should be.
6) Funerals also let us physically accept ongoing support from others. Sadly, ours is not a demonstrative society, but at funerals we are “allowed” to embrace, to touch, to comfort. Again, words are inadequate so we nonverbally demonstrate our support. This physical show of support is one of the most important healing aspects of knowing that support is there.

Finally, and most simply, funerals serve as the central gathering place for mourners. When we care about someone who died, or his/her family members, we attend the funeral if at all possible. Our physical presence is our most important show of support for the living. By attending the funeral we let everyone else there know that they are not alone in their grief. All we can do now is to try and communicate with and help fulfill these needs for people who have lost loved ones during this Covid virus time and not been able to hold funeral services for them. Please think of them, and communicate with them, to let them know your love and support is there and that you are with them in spirit.

06/06/2020

How lovely it was today to conduct a funeral ceremony with the love and caring from friends and family being fully present again. Times have been hard without that, but today we were able to pay full tribute to a lovely lady..

26/05/2020

What are wedding vows REALLY?

Up until your wedding day you will have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to the moment of yes on your wedding day, you will have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks—all those sentences that began with "When we're married" and continued with "I will and you will and we will"—those late night talks that included "someday" and "somehow" and "maybe"—and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart.
All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you make on your wedding day are a way of saying to one another, "You know all those things we've promised and hoped and dreamed—well, I meant it all, every word." You will look at one another when it comes to saying your vows and remember that moment in time. Before that moment you have been many things to one another—acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in the last few years.
On your wedding day you will say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after those vows, you shall say to the world, this—is my husband, this—is my wife.

05/04/2020

Having Plan B Ready

Whilst most weddings have been postponed for now, there is no reason to stop planning for your big wedding day, and I’d like to point out one area that is often forgotten when planning - that is the very necessary Plan B. If your wedding is indoors, you are fairly safe, but you still need to do it, and if you are planning for outdoors you definitely need to do it.

Why? if you are planning an indoor wedding? Places can flood, burn down, have electrical problems, or the access to the place is blocked for whatever reason. Yes, it happens, so worth thinking about. And if you are planning an outdoor ceremony, then, again, flooding can occur, fires happen, access gets blocked, or it is just plain “lousy weather”. So Plan B is an essential.

In all my years of weddings, I have fortunately only once had to go to Plan B – and, no, surprise, surprise, that wasn’t in Albany – it was a wedding I did in Perth. The big plan was to have the wedding in the beautiful gardens of an historic old house, just off Albany Highway, but the day was the worst it could be with big black clouds, pouring rain and cold winds. We waited until the death knock, but it kept coming. Luckily there was a little chapel in the grounds and they had asked permission to use it “just in case”, never dreaming they would have to. It was small, nowhere near big enough for the number of guests, but we all poured in, squashed up tightly together and managed to put the arch up over the doorway before the bride arrived. And, do you know, that was one of the friendliest weddings I have ever performed! You had to be friendly, we were all so close, and it was just lovely. The atmosphere in that little chapel couldn’t have been beaten even by the lovely gardens outside. This just proves that sometimes Plan B is meant to be, and it can be all for the better! With their permission, the photo is of that happy couple (Amy & Jason).

So, when planning, don’t forget to include Plan B, no matter what time of the year or where it is you are planning for your ceremony. Sometimes just planning for it is your insurance that you won’t need it!

25/03/2020

What Can We Do Now?

Well times are certainly different for us and there are people with weddings planned and possibly with funerals that will arise during this time. So.... what can we do now?

Let’s talk happy times first – weddings. I have had several people who have chosen to postpone their weddings until such time that they can have all their friends and family together and enjoy this special occasion as they want it to be. A good choice, but not the only choice!

Other couples really want to go ahead with getting married, so what does this entail? As of yesterday (24 March 2020), weddings can go ahead, but the only people that are permitted be present are the bride and groom along with the Celebrant and two witnesses – that is it! People choosing this option often have the plan in mind to celebrate on their first anniversary with all of those who would have normally attended the wedding. Often they are choosing to plan a renewal of vows at this time in order to give it some ceremony. Some Celebrants (including me) are offering the renewal of vows ceremony free of charge to those they have married during this lock down period.

Funerals are a different story – they must go ahead, of course. Again, as of yesterday, funeral services can still be held, but only a total of ten people may attend, and then only if there is the room to keep the distancing rules. This ceremony is then followed by the cremation or burial.

Some funeral directors are offering the option of streaming the service live so others can at least be part of it that way, or they are putting it on to their website so people can log in and watch it in their own time.

Many people are simply going ahead with the cremation or burial, without a ceremony, but are planning to hold a memorial service sometime in the future when the coronavirus restrictions have been lifted, so all friends and family can pay their respects, not just the chosen few. This is hard to accept, but there is no choice, unfortunately.

So, if you are in either situation, you have some decisions to make. We may not like the situation we are in, but there are ways that we can deal with it all. If you have any queries, please feel free to contact me.

20/03/2020

DO WE OR DON’T WE?

People are asking – should we postpone our wedding? There is no direct answer to that. The Health Department are saying, at the moment, it is okay to continue provided you have less than 100 people, but, personally, I believe there is more to it than that. It comes down to your own conscience and the practicalities of it all, but some things to consider are:

a) If there are larger numbers to invite, how do I say you can come, but you can’t?
b) If the venue is to be indoors (or even outdoors, for that matter), how do you get 1.5m between each person?
c) Guests who are invited from overseas, or even interstate – how do they get here? And how do you/they handle their quarantine time?
d) The Health Department says it is best to only be in someone’s company for no longer than 15 minutes – your event will last for hours.
e) Does your guest list include vulnerable aged people?
f) Are the services you need to achieve your wedding ceremony and breakfast going to be available – Celebrant, caterers, photographer, make-up & hair, transport, venue, music, etc?
g) How do you say “you can congratulate us, but no hugs, handshakes or kisses”?
h) Do you take the risk for yourselves and all of your guests?
i) Will a six month or so delay REALLY make that much difference when you love each other?

And so it goes on. It is a huge question with no definitive answer, but you do need to make that decision yourselves and be able to live with the consequences, should there be any. Whichever way you decide, may your wedding be a wonderful occasion for you, and your marriage be full of love and peace.

Jan Biglin Funeral and Marriage Celebrant