27/02/2024
I’ve been performing marriages for quite some time now. And my research shows that a rich climate of appreciation is a big predictor of a LONG-LASTING, healthy relationship. People don’t think their partner really needs it or already know it, so they stop saying what they appreciate and start taking the person for granted.
Sharing frequent appreciation - for making the coffee this morning, for calling to check in, for reorganizing the garage - doesn’t only make your partner feel recognized; it encourages other feel-good interactions. I’ve read research that shows the most successful, long-lasting marriages have a ratio of five positive feelings and actions for everyone thats negative. (Think of appreciative comments as tipping the ratio in your favor.)
Appreciation also plays a Central role in affirmation, along with showering your partner with small acts of love and kindness. In Orbuchs EARLY MARRIAGE PROJECT finds that regular affirmation predicts that a couple is almost twice as likely to stay together.
Men have a greater need for affirmation than women. Those who don’t feel AFFIRMED by their wives were twice as likely to divorce as those who did. Men feel a deeper need for kindness and appreciation at home.
