
03/09/2025
For most of my life, I was terrified of opening up.
I was so afraid of the flood of emotions that I thought they would drown me if I let them out.
So I played it safe. I pushed it all down. I became a chameleon, blending into my surroundings, moulding myself into what I thought others wanted me to be. I wasnât really living, I was just surviving, stuck in a numb state.
I didnât know myself because I wasnât feeling my body. I was following logic and other peopleâs expectations, seeking external validation but never my own truth. I was trapped behind a mask of control, people-pleasing and perfectionism, trying to keep it all together. But the emotions I was trying to escape still found ways to erupt, through anxiety, through bursts of rage that I couldnât contain anymore. I was a pressure cooker, waiting to blow.
The thing I was really blocking by not feeling was growth.
The real me... raw, unfiltered, unpolished... was desperate to be seen. To be loved as I was, not as I thought I needed to be.
At some point, I couldnât stay closed anymore. I cracked open. It was messy, ugly, and honestly the hardest thing Iâve ever done. But I wouldnât change it.
Growth doesnât happen in straight lines. It spirals through dark, shadowy pits and then lifts you into skies so expansive you can hardly believe you made it there. Allowing myself to be imperfect gave me more freedom than trying to control ever did. I realised that by numbing myself to pain, I was also numbing myself to joy. When I surrendered to the fullness of my emotions, I found safety and I found myself.
Now, Iâm not as scared of being seen. Iâm not as consumed by anxiety or driven by the need to be perfect. I can be messy and beautiful and real, without worrying so much about what people think. I feel safe and free in my own skin. Iâve let go of the masks and the layers that were never mine to hold.
Iâd choose this honest, unfiltered version of me over perfection any day.
Thatâs why OUTSPOKEN has become so special to Giddy Garden, me and to the other brave humans who have stepped onto that stage. Itâs a space where we can crack open, speak our truths, and be seen exactly as we are... unfiltered, messy, and real. Itâs a place where stories that are often hidden find a voice, and that vulnerability is met with acceptance. It truly is a magical container that weâre proud to have created.
The next OUTSPOKEN is happening at Wesley Anne on Tuesday 21st of October. đ±âš See event link in bio.