06/01/2022
Reveling in my own guilt these days. Don't mind me as I share my sorrows. I used to look at my past photos, and feel SO PROUD of myself for losing the weight I could NEVER lose. Losing body fat that I never knew I could lose. Going from the most unhealthiest I had ever been, to the most physically fit I had EVER been. I worked so hard over 4 years, and reached so many goals. Then we moved to Ptown, I got my FIRST full time job ever (Shocker, I know, I had only worked part time jobs before I became a mother. Then I was a stay-at-home mom). I had the time before working. I had the motivation. NOW, I got nothing!! And it eats me up inside! I KNOW what I have to do. And I know that if that switch could just go back up, I could get back there. But ALL mojo is out the door! I am a year and a 1/2 in of no working out. And I feel it everyday when I wake up. Every time I put on a piece of clothing. And every time I look in the mirror. I am beyond frustrated and upset with myself for having gone back the wrong direction. But I am struggling here! Trying to wrap my head around this full time working mom thing has messed me all up!! And I really don't know when I will get out of this funk! I mation point I dream of working out again every day. I tell myself every day that I need to do it. And every day I continue to just sit on the couch. I'm at a loss! It's a new year. Which means new goals right?! Pray for me that I can get back into it. Because not only is my physical body hurting from my neglect. But my mental health is completely on the Fritz, and I need to find my happiness again in working out! And something's gotta give. I know there are phases of life that can often times change EVERYTHING we know or loved. But I can't find much joy in this one, other than being a part of the schools that I grew up in. And seeing mine, and other people's babies everyday! Which I know can't last. I just want to be an inspiration again like so many before me, and currently. I need to do it for ME! And for my family again, as I have 3 boys to teach personal health to. One day at a time I guess.
