01/07/2021
Today has been tough.
Woke up after a night of absolute restlessness & had a major anxiety attack. Haven’t had one like that in a very long time, and the worst part is that it’s so hard to pinpoint what specifically triggered me, or to know how to overcome it today. All I know is that I found some relief when I went outside and sat in the sun. I looked at the mountains, audibly spoke about how grateful I am for what I saw in front of me and reminded myself that the lies & past trauma that were re-surfacing with every thought was not what defines me and is not my truth anymore.
My dad left when I was younger, and I never heard from or saw him again. I have a strong abandonment complex from that experience growing up feeling so unwanted — but the TRUTH is that no one is leaving me today. Everyone I love is near, either physically or one call away. I’m so grateful for that.
It’s funny how no matter the cause of my anxiety, I always resort back to this incident and somehow make the anxiety about him. I hope someday that goes away & I can find freedom from that hurt.
Why am I sharing all of this? Well why not. Rather than sit alone, in a room with my thoughts - I think it’s better to be open about mental health. We’re not meant to do life alone, so I’m choosing not to.
Anyways, today has been tough.
But tomorrow will be better 🖤