02/10/2019
In this newest transition I’m definitely setting a lot more free than I want to. I’m not ready to let go of my home base, California. I’m not ready to let go of my team, friends, family, vendor family and family friends, neighbors and everyone that falls under any of those categories. I’m not ready to be out of the wedding industry or the events business. I’m not ready. I wasn’t ready. Then I ask, would I ever be though? I’ve known for a long time... no... my body has been TELLING ME for a long time this was coming. My disease has kept me reminded that this was coming - no matter how many years I ignored it and said “not this year”. I started this season off like every other and half way thru I knew I couldn’t fake it anymore. Two weekends ago I suited up for my last in person wedding and ran that show like my life depended on it. And I realized - it did. I also realized it’s not the job or the company that I’ve been terrified of letting go of... Its been my people. My clients, my friends, my family, my studio ... my home. I feel like I’m losing it all over again, like when we moved here. The other half is terrified that this was it- it was a BIG role and one I mastered but it’s all that I was destined for. Deep deep down however I know that can’t actually be true - but my heart refuses to hear logic currently. Stepping away from an incredibly successful business is hard to explain because most people don’t walk away when you’re on top- it’s normally when you fail. There is definitely failure in this case, but only in body. My heart feels a loss right now - but my mind and soul knows this is the first step to letting go and finding my bigger and better place somewhere new. And in the meantime the business will still be in action- just in much (much) smaller doses every year and being led by the absolutely one of a kind whom it’s been an honor to mold, meld, love on and mentor all these years ❤️