BAND Together for Christine

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BAND Together for Christine BAND TOGETHER for CHRISTINE
Live Music Benefit Sunday July 9th Noon to 6 pm
Macungie VFW- Tiki Bar
(3)

20/11/2023

Hello everyone, I wanted to let you all know I am happy! I am peaceful, and I am not in pain! I love you all so much and I have crossed the checkered flag and I have proudly and bravely finished my race!

20/11/2023

Hello everyone, it’s Ben, just an update on Christine. She is resting peacefully. She sleeps often and is not in pain. She’s alert at times and comfortable as she deserves to be. She has fought bravely and aggressively for over her 5 year journey. And she is still giving it all she has, she’s strong as hell still and has some fight left! At this time we are asking for family be with her and you may message me Ben Horvath to see how she is feeling at that time and if she will have the energy for visitor’s we hope everyone understands.

Please keep your prayers coming. Christine is fighting the battle of all battles. 💔💔💔💔“I’m checking in with you all medi...
13/11/2023

Please keep your prayers coming. Christine is fighting the battle of all battles. 💔💔💔💔

“I’m checking in with you all medicated, moody, and in pain. I have been trying to stay awake long enough to type this for a few days. Texting is hard as I dose off and then drop my phone on myself over and over. 🤦‍♀️. And yet on the other hand have not been able to sleep consistently at all.

This past Thursday, after receiving three days of chemo, I got a drain surgically placed in my abdomen (I’ll post the pic as first comment if you’re interested). The purpose of this drain is so that I can regularly and at home, drain the fluid that continues to rapidly build up in my abdomen lining. I can’t describe the pressure and how awful this gets when I need that drained. I’ll loose several pounds from draining fluid. And I gained over ten trying to hold off a draining that it wasn’t time for yet for. The first removal of fluid was 1.8 Liters. Less than a week later they drained 2.8 Liters. So waiting to see when I’d need to be drained more than once a week to determine it was time to surgically place a drain tube, lasted me not even a week. It was basically immediately I was filling back up with fluid to a level that is so painful and ready to be drained. The last five years since diagnosed, I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop in this prognosis and we have reached that point my friends.

I ended up in the er again two nights ago. So much pressure I couldn’t sit I always had to be laying down. And I was leaking through my gauze, and t-shirt, AND even my hoodie. The pressure was forcing fluid out around the drain tube where it enters my belly. Draining too much fluid too often apparently can be dangerous and throw blood proteins and things off. So im looking forward to being able to use this drain as intended, nightly or every other night getting a little fluid out to hopefully keep me from getting super bloated and distended. It seems every two-three days im gaining TEN pounds, then losing most of it when getting drained. That’s so much to gain in such a short time for someone five foot tall.

Days im in a lot of pain im getting very discouraged mentally and physically, and it’s hard to keep finding the strength to tackle this and all it comes with. I can see the ribs on my chest and my arms lost so much muscling so quickly. I had and have a pretty decent understanding of what the home stretch of this disease would or could look like, but actually going through it is way worse than I’ve even been imaging.

I see your messages, comments, texts and I appreciate them. Sorry it takes me a day or two, sometimes more, to get back to you. It’s amazing how run down I am that something like that is taxing for me to do anymore. Love you all.”

09/11/2023

Hello everyone! This is Ben we just wanted to let everyone know Christine has been really worn down lately and has been resting a lot. The past few days have been really rough on her and she goes tomorrow at 7am to get a port/catheter put in her abdomen. That way we can drain the fluid at home daily. It has built up quicker than expected from when we had it drained last week and she is in a lot of discomfort and pain. We appreciate all of the messages and calls and she is slowly trying to respond but please be patient. I will do my best to relay messages questions or calls to her if needed. Feel free to reach out. She is trying to read it all but she is to in and out from the medication and will do her best to respond when she gets some relief. Thank you everyone we really appreciate it a lot! Please continue to pray for her she needs it!!

Christine’s Friday night post“Spending my second night ever in the hospital, this time alone overnight. Kyla Szemenyei s...
04/11/2023

Christine’s Friday night post

“Spending my second night ever in the hospital, this time alone overnight. Kyla Szemenyei stayed with me last night and slept in an infusion chair. 🤣🥰 the crazy broad can sleep anywhere, I swear. Well as long as she can cover her entire body, head including. Lolol

I got the fluid drained from my abdomen today. They took out 1.8 LITERS. I definitely can move better, with much less pain, and got some relief. Still some other gi issues we are working on resolving so not total and complete relief, but on the right track now. So I’m hopeful I’ll be feeling better and more alive soon.

Super bummed to have missed out on a lot of plans because of this. Missed out on dinner with my horse friends/family I haven’t seen in a while, a sleep over with my childhood friends, dinner and a cabelas trip with Ben and his son Parker, and lastly line dancing at hummels. Missed it all and it’s upsetting because I don’t know how many more opportunities to do these things I’ll have. I’m at the tail end of a chemo cycle, I go again Monday. Therefore, I should’ve been feeling pretty good to do all these things at this point in the chemo cycle. But medical complications had a different idea for the week’s end.

Had visitors all throughout the day today so I never had to be alone. That was nice. Really glad Ben Horvath came and hung out all day. I had a break down over all this recent health emergency, and it was really nice to have him there to cry and snot all over his shoulder. 🥲🥲

Hopefully being discharged tomorrow but that depends on certain results from tests being done on the fluid that was taken from my abdomen. It might also depend how long I have to stay on IV antibiotics for the infection in my entire colon. BUT, still staying hopeful I can be discharged tomorrow.”

My daughter’s post from yesterday, been a crazy day, her abdomen was drained today, she’s feeling a little better “Well ...
03/11/2023

My daughter’s post from yesterday, been a crazy day, her abdomen was drained today, she’s feeling a little better

“Well guys, for the first time since having cancer; I was admitted to the hospital today. Im hoping to only be here one night but it’s likely I’ll be here two nights at least. I got a cat scan of my abdomen and we found a few issues. I have inflammation and an infection in my colon. I’m being treated with IV meds for that. Infections have to be taken very seriously because of having such a weakened immune system.

Then the main reason I came to the er today was this extreme bloating and distention of my abdomen. I’ve been miserable because of it, in so much pain and discomfort. The scan showed that I have fluid built up. I’m so distended I’m having shortness of breath often. I also have been barely able to eat because there doesn’t feel like there is any room in my abdomen, eating makes the bloating feel worse and puts me in more pain. The fluid is taking up so much space in my abdomen it feels like there’s no where for my lungs to expand to get that full breath. I’m so bloated and distended I can’t sit up without help. So tomorrow they will be draining the fluid. It should provide pretty much immediate relief. This fluid build up will continue to keep happening. Depending how much fluid is building up and how quickly, they will put a drain in and keep it there. Then I will have to drain the fluid every night at home. So so hoping I can avoid that for a while longer as I very much don’t want a drain put in and have that sticking out of me 24/7. It will freak me out and drive me nuts I’m sure. There is suspicion and concern that I now have tumors in the lining of my abdomen and lining of my organs, it’s called peritoneal carcinomatosis. The fluid they drain will be sent for testing and tell us if I do have new tumors in the lining or not. It’ll also tell us if there’s an infection there.

They are managing my pain in the hospital so that nice and helping my spirits. Being in pain all the time really breaks you down mentally.

To my surprise I had quite a few people visit me today and I didn’t even ask them to come. My mom stayed with me all day and evening, my uncle stopped by for a bit, my moms boyfriend visited, and four of my friends came too at different intervals. That was nice, helped pass the time, and lifted my spirits. Tomorrow Ben will visit, so I’m very excited to have him with me. I appreciate everyone’s support and love. It is keeping me afloat. It’s not been easy lately but I have a great support system. I feel fortunate for that.

What a difference a week and a half can make. Here’s Christine at her birthday party a week and a half ago, and today at...
18/10/2023

What a difference a week and a half can make. Here’s Christine at her birthday party a week and a half ago, and today at Alliance Cancer Specialists.
This a nightmare, I can’t believe this is happening 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Here’s Christine’s post

“Started a different line of chemo this week since the pet scan and liver mri were not good at all. It’s three days long every three weeks. It’s what I was started out on five years ago when diagnosed. My cancer seems to have learned how to out smart every drug thrown at it now. So the hope with this chemo is it’s not typically given to breast cancer patients, and we are hoping it targets the rare neuroendocrine features that make my cancer so aggressive.

My mom Wendy Meixell and Ben Horvath are taking care of me as I can barely do anything for myself right now. I see your messages and texts I will try my best to get back to you when I can. I’m just so exhausted and worn down. Which is scary, because the next few days are probably going to be even harder than the actual treatment days for side effects and pain.

My sweet sweet oncologist is very worried, and she expressed that many times this week. Prior to this she has never said that to me. My blood work is not great and there is very little healthy liver left that is unaffected by cancer. I’m jaundice. This is awful. And a very terrible way to go. Would not recommend. Feel your bo***es the first of every month, and FOLLOW UP to the point you get a concrete answer from a biopsy or something.”

So happy for my warrior Christine ❤️ she had a fantastic weekend !  Here’s her post :What a weekend! There is so much to...
30/08/2023

So happy for my warrior Christine ❤️ she had a fantastic weekend ! Here’s her post :

What a weekend! There is so much to say I will try to keep this short of a novel.

This past weekend, some of my good riding friends, and I rode in beehive, which is an Enduro race, which also happened to be the first race I ever did last summer. So this was my one year anniversary of racing and unfortunately probably my last opportunity to also ever ride in this particular race. To say it was emotional weekend is an understatement as I’m already crying typing this. Was it a smart idea to do, probably not. Am I hiding it from my doctor yes, yes ma’am. lol

When I tell you, as I’m riding through this single track I could feel the support from so many people back at camp and also those riding the course or working the course. I could feel the amount of people rooting for me. I could see the jerseys people were wearing here and there. Random people were coming up to me and shaking my hand and introducing themselves to me. so many people wanted to see me get through this race. It was truly humbling, surprising, and just felt the out pouring of love. If I could somehow convert all the love and support, I have from so many people, into a cure. I would be fine.

I really think that some thing in the universe or someone was watching over me in this race and keeping me safe. Just earlier this week, I was basically bedridden for two entire days. I was so weak, I was in so much pain, I could barely get the strength to heat up a bowl of soup for myself, and I was really doubting my ability to show up for this race. But slowly got life back in me after many bags of fluids and hours of rest. During the race, I had a few Oopsies that I should’ve went down, but I managed to save. I felt a very strong presence of my cousin Emily all day long. She passed away a few years ago from stage four melanoma at the age of 36. She is the reason for my race number 583, that is her birthday. Before we started the race, there was a single dragonfly that landed on the bike suspension that was right next to me, I smiled, and I knew she was looking down. And then there were a few times I was crying behind my goggles, thinking about her and the things she would be saying to me that day if she could. Fast forward many many miles in my physical exhaustion and delirium. I’m sitting on my bike bouncing around through single track and I just have this image of her hanging onto the back of me riding behind me on my bike telling me we were going to finish this and we were going to get through it. And I could hear her giggles, but also fear filled screams here and there. Lol .  she always used to tell me how much of a bad ass she thought I was and I never saw it, I always thought she was the bad ass one and she was the one that was cool. I wanted to be just like her. I had to finish this race for not just me but for her too.

I lined up at the start of this race with a few of my best riding girl pals, and a few awesome trail Dads along for support. Erin Christine, Shelly Yashimski Frost, Angie Messick, LeeAnn Kinney, Kerrynoël Barile all took this race on with me. For some of them, it was their first Enduro ever.  I told them all to ride their best and leave me, or if I somehow could pass them I would be as well lol. Every single one of them finished all 53 plus miles. I am so proud to call you my friends you are all so good to me. I cried so many times because of your love and support I could feel all weekend. 

Thank you Kenny Lee Taylor for the love and support, and helping with accommodations because of my health. Thank you to the one and only pro rider Thorn Devlin for putting my new front tire and bib on my bike for this race. I liked the set up thanks for the recommendation Ben.

This weekend also wouldn’t have been possible without the help, love, and support from Ben Horvath. From getting the bikes ready amidsts working all week, completely threw away his own race as an A rider to stay with me through the course in the event I have a medical emergency and have to get out of the woods asap. ❤️ so patient every time I needed to stop and catch my breath before pushing on. He started a row right behind me and as my row was about to start he came up hugged me with tears in his eyes said he loved me and was proud of me, and other stuff but then I was crying too. Lol we also had a good cry at the finish line too. Before we left, He basically loaded up everything himself with the help of some friends, because I had heat exhaustion or some thing was happening to me. Drove us home and then when it was time to unload everything I was puking so he did all that by himself too. Then he also made me dinner, made sure I ate. Called off of work and drove me to get my chemo treatment the next day. The very next day that was about a 10 hour day for us both. When we got off the exit for my hospital, I saw a Boba tea shop and I got excited. Fast forward through the day. I totally forgot about it and we’re heading home and he pulls in and said you wanted some so I figured we’d stop. How freaking sweet and thoughtful but the most exciting part was he got one and it was his first Boba experience and I got to be there for it! Whooo. It’s not the easiest to be with me as you inevitably end up being a caretaker as well. That in time drains people I know. Hopefully we can recharge a bit this week. ❤️

Christine’s post from the 8th:No time like the present right? Went to urgent care Friday to make sure this new pain wasn...
15/08/2023

Christine’s post from the 8th:

No time like the present right? Went to urgent care Friday to make sure this new pain wasn’t another cracked rib from just existing. It was not, so to me that was the green light to attempt an enduro race this past weekend for the first time since March. As it’s not exactly the best idea for me to be riding, I feel like my health and quality of life are changing almost weekly, it feels. Side effects from chemo have been completely debilitating some days lately and then just on a general level, more intense and numerable than ever before. As I’m saying this, I’ve still not come to terms with it, but it is very probably this is my last summer riding. At the start of this season, I thought I’d be able to get through these enduro races (like I did tail end of last summer) enough to maybe get a year end award. Not because I’m winning races, but because I’m doing enough of them, aggressively mediocre if you will. 🤣 I made it halfway through the second section of this race and had to call it quits. I couldn’t keep my breathing under control. And it would take me a solid 10 minutes or more to catch my breath and get my heart rate down. I felt like I was breathing through a straw. I started a new chemo last week and I’m sure that was playing a role. I could rattle off an entire laundry list of ailments I chose to ignore Sunday and ride into the woods. I stayed safe. That was my only important goal really, and I achieved that so I’m trying to not get bummed out I wasn’t able to finish the whole course. Or at least make it to the gas stop as I was really hoping.

Some highlights:

- Seeing these bad ass women crush these races
- Seeing people, some I didn’t even know and weren’t even in my motorcycle club, wearing my benefit jerseys!
- Seeing Kerri Shank finish and noticing she was wearing the benefit jersey, totally made me cry.
- Beautiful trails I only had access to ride this particular weekend
- Made it up and down hills I probably would’ve said hell no to during a trail ride
- Staying level headed and calm while letting faster people pass (usually freaks me out real bad lol)
- Finding Liz Moody Kiniery croc nuts in the grass all abandoned and in need of rescue
- Got to go in a pool for the first time all summer finally since my whole body rash from chemo is finally almost completely gone
- meeting in person some newer to riding females that were there not racing
- Hanging out with Kenny Lee Taylor again!
- And most important, a weekend in the woods with Ben Horvath. This man after working OT during the week, made sure my bike and car were ready for this weekend. Both needed work. Then completely throws his race, as an A rider no less, to ride with me through the woods making sure I’m okay. Patiently waited each time I was gasping for air either with my head down on my bars or me laying in the woods. I’ve said this before but ever since I met Ben it feels like the universe makes it so difficult for us to ever ride together. It’s always something either my health, he’s hurt, I’m hurt, a bike is broken, scheduling conflicts, he’s needed elsewhere, just always something. So that was super awesome to experience another forest with him on two wheels. My freakin’ knight in dirty dirt bike armor 🥰 riding with me double through single track after my body said doneeeeee, check please Lolol. Grateful the club allowed Ben to finish the race after he houred out from staying with me until I was done. I was glad he got to experience the rest of the trails.
-And I guess even more importanterrr, Still being on this side of the dirt with two wheels and a two stroke motor between it and myself

From Mom Wendy….I finally have time to do a post to thank everyone for all the participation to make Band Together For C...
24/07/2023

From Mom Wendy….I finally have time to do a post to thank everyone for all the participation to make Band Together For Christine benefit on July 9th such an great success!! In spite of the rain, it was more successful than I thought it could be on a nice sunny day. The outpouring of love and concern for my daughter is overwhelming. I cannot even find the words to adequately express my gratitude to you all. I wish I could thank each and every one of you to your face, with a huge hug.

Off the top of my head, special thank you’s to:

Joni Trump and Sandy Townsend for organizing the entire day.

Brain Dean Moore Band, Cat Moore, Girl Crue Ladies, and my Smith Compound Band family!! Big thank you to the sound man!

Sean Anderson who worked so hard all day to keep the music sounding great, all while trying to keep the rain off his equipment.

Also like to thank Plinke Rentals for the tent, tables and chairs.

Marcy Thompson and Kaylee for the wonderful job selling 50/50 tickets.

Michelle Weiand, Joni Kulp, Janice Benner, Dorene Darabaris, Ernie Kortvely, Colette Ferry, Alan Meixell, Geno Barron for all the help they put in the day of the event.

Cindy & Pablo Diaz, Lori & David Laporte, Chris and Nick Diaz for making the long trip down from Massachusetts, with that awesome huge TV to donate to the basket raffle.

Booper! for the venue, all the bartenders and Pam and Stan Fenstermaker Antrim for slaving all day to keep the drinks flowing and the food cooking!

The Kutztown Hobo’s for their incredible donation.

Those who could not make it, but still sent donations to Christine.

All of you!!!! who came out, donated, gambled to win baskets and/or 50/50 drawings. Who danced in the rain all day!!! or sat just enjoying the music while their feet got soaked!! It was a memorable day.

Christine and I could not be more grateful to all of you and your love. It’s due to all your kindness and generosity that Christine is able to stop her waitressing job to focus more on herself and to do all she can to enjoy each day of her life to the fullest. If Love could heal, she would be cured !!

Love,
Christine and Wendy

24/07/2023

Finished five days of radiation to two areas on my skull and my T7 vertebrae as it is heavily taken over by cancer. My head got locked down to the table with that mask on for radiation of the skull. Was a weird position to be in. I got a pet scan last week that did not show anything good. I have pretty extensive tumor progression in my bones. They now made an appearance in my neck, skull, new area of ribs, new areas of my hips too. My liver is also just peppered with tumors, at this time it is unclear if the internal radiation procedures we did over the winter is working at all or not. My oncologist is sending me to see the head of the entire breast cancer department at UPenn to see if they have any clinical trials I would qualify for. She wasn’t able to see me until the end of august but my oncologist pulled some strings and I go Wednesday already. That’s how you know things aren’t good. 🤦‍♀️but I’m grateful for the opportunity. Chemo is doing some horrible things to my body and I would now consider myself a chronic pain patient. Between the bone tumor pain and the side effects from chemo such as; having sores all up and down my esophagus that can’t be treated because my liver can’t handle the medication. 🤦‍♀️ being in pain all the time sure hinders the mood. I’ve been completely covered in a rash from chemo for over a month and I’m miserable. It is getting increasingly difficult to deal as things just keep getting more real and more difficult. I’m still hoping for a turn around with all this but it’s not very likely, but it’s not impossible.

07/07/2023

It’s mom again, feeling quite bummed over Sunday’s weather forecast. This is a rain or shine event.

There are a couple large cover areas at the Macungie VFW for this benefit, but I’d bring umbrellas, pop up canopies …

Hoping everyone still makes it out to help make this a success for my daughter. We have so many unbelievably awesome donations for the basket raffle, far more than I dreamed we’d get. They will be under a large 40 X 20 tent that’s being put up today already.

You will not have to be in attendance when we pull the winners, if you leave, you will be contacted.

Wish we could have a rain date, it was so hard to find a date all the bands were open, and a venue, so we took the chance. Plus, my daughter needs help now, not months from now, as things are progressing.

Hoping we all can put on our water shoes, use an umbrella and stop on out ❤️

Love,
Wendy

This is mom, thought all your caring people would like the latest on Christine, from Christine “Had no idea today wasn’t...
04/07/2023

This is mom, thought all your caring people would like the latest on Christine, from Christine

“Had no idea today wasn’t going to be a run of the mill chemo day. But here we are. Got mri results from the spine and brain mri .horvath.570 took me to last week. Thanks to mom for taking me today. New metastases were found and also pretty significant advancement of an area in my spine. A lot being juggled right now for what we are going to be doing about this new information. So so so many appointments I can’t even keep my mind straight. And none of that includes dirt bike riding so that’s a steamy pile of bu****it. BUT, in this moment, in this late night, during this week; I have hope that this is still not the end of my riding days (this feeling will come and go). Life is crazy, life is unpredictable no matter how much you might think you have your s**t together and ducks in a row…You’re really just living in a false sense of security.😳 (Sorry for the cursing and to be so real, but I feel it still doesn’t convey the weight of what I’m trying to express.) but that’s why’s it’s so important to be mindful with your time, your actions, your intentions. Make the time to see your loved ones, be crazy and weird. SAY YOUR SORRY. And mean it. Don’t work more than you have to. Try to live like a minimalist so you can put your time and money towards experiences!! 💥 ⛰️ Create a life that feels like a vacation. And for real, “Mow the grass tomorrow!” And put that saying on my damn funeral card thing that you’ll probably put a ridiculous picture of me on, that I’d hate. 🤣🤣 but that’s okay, anything for some comedic relief has my stamp of approval. And now I conclude my late night cannabis inspired thoughts. 😶‍🌫️ 🌱 and after a s**ttttt day I come home to crab legs for dinner because Ben knows I love seafood. How freaking thoughtful and sweet is he. 💕 (I cried so much today before these edibles, seriously just legalize it.) 😘”

The weeks passing by are not being good for my daughter. Here’s her last post from her page: 💔💔💔💔“One of the days I’ve b...
14/06/2023

The weeks passing by are not being good for my daughter. Here’s her last post from her page: 💔💔💔💔

“One of the days I’ve been dreading in this cancer journey has come, broke my first bone ever in my life and I did it by coughing too hard in bed from the poor air quality we’ve had. I broke this rib by coughing because I have metastatic disease in the area. My tumors actually eat away at my bones not form tumors on top. So my weakened bones went pop when I coughed. I’ve heard of this happening to advanced cancer patients and well here I am. This has been one of my fears the last almost five years, and it has become reality. What’s crazy is I did this last Thursday morning, and somehow managed to ride three days in a row over the weekend. 🤣 let me tell you… the pain is very much real but bikes somehow are all consuming when you swing that leg over you don’t have much head space to think about anything else. Got an X-ray Monday and sure enough I actually did break my rib as I was laugh crying about over the weekend in a pretty significant amount of pain. This riding season is NOTHING like I imagined or planned. This was suppose to be my one and only shot at racing an entire enduro season and trying like hell for that year end 5th place spot. (That’s the last place the women’s class trophy’s out to I believe and there’s so many fast women in this series I figured maybeeee fifth was a doable fight for me if I raced enough of the races) I’m off the bike for probably another six weeks or so, as it only took one time from one medical professional to say; I shouldn’t ride because if I break my rib worse I could puncture a lung. None of that sounds like something I’d like to experience so… off the bike again. 🤦‍♀️ I feel like my health is just continuing to decline with no turn around in sight. Here’s to trying to stay sane. 🤪 📸 .horvath.570”

I’m so very happy that Christine had a fantastic weekend at her all girl dirt bike weekend!! Her drive to live each day ...
12/06/2023

I’m so very happy that Christine had a fantastic weekend at her all girl dirt bike weekend!! Her drive to live each day to the fullest amazes me. My girl, the fighter💪💪💪 Here’s a few pics from her weekend ❤️❤️

Got my second infusion of this particular chemo yesterday. Nothing major to report. I go back in a month, the day before...
12/06/2023

Got my second infusion of this particular chemo yesterday. Nothing major to report. I go back in a month, the day before July 4th course. 🫠 Heading to this weekend to cautiously ride some dirt scooters and learn from the most awesome pro herself. Knee is feeling pretty good, so I’m going to be as careful as possible. If I had infinite amount of more summers to do this event this weekend I’d maybe sit it out, but since I don’t have time for that 😉 I decided to play it as safe as I can manage and stick to my plans for this weekend that I had for a while. Hopefully chemo side effects wait until next week to start knocking me down as this is a slow releasing chemo. For now, I’m focused on a fun weekend and trying to stay mentally a float. 🥲🥹🫠.

30/05/2023

Been a bit of a bumpy ride the last 2.5 weeks since starting this new chemo. Silly me assumed I would just cruise between chemo and the next four weeks until I get it again. 🤦‍♀️🤣. A few days after getting chemo it was determined I should not have actually gotten chemo since my liver was still bouncing back from radiation. So I’ve been getting fluids and blood work, monitoring my liver. Been having pretty significant pain in my esophagus/chest last few weeks as well. So yesterday I was sent for an endoscopy that confirmed I have a deep infection in my esophagus from having my immune system so knocked back from chemo. I’ve also been on steroids because of my liver, which also could’ve contributed. All I know is even drinking water feels like someone’s punching me in the chest with knives. Excited to be starting medication so this problem can be resolved hopefully. But of course it’s not ideal to be taking this medication right now with the state my liver is in, but we have to do the dance handling side effects and keeping me in a position to be able to continue getting chemo, plus can’t ignore this infection. So Silver lining that isn’t feeling very silvery at the moment 🤣 the mri of my knee does not show a tear in any soft tissue. (Yay) There is evidence of a bone contusion healing where my tibia and femur smashed together when I flew off my bike. I’m starting PT next week to see why 9 weeks hasn’t been enough to heal this! Ha! I’m getting beyond impatient. I still can’t lock out my knee without a great deal of pain. Not being able to ride really switches up my life. It feels like my purpose and my happiness is just a big question mark. I don’t even know what to do with myself. I had plans to ride the enduro series, dual sports, and kinds of things this summer like I did last year. And today, I can’t even imagine the strength to ride maybe 10 miles. I knew things could always change at the drop of a dime, but the last two months or so have felt like a lifetime of downhill crap. Maybe another month off the bike is enough, 🤷‍♀️.

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