Kiersten Dyer Photography

10/10/2019

World Mental Health Day ❤️
Contact me if you would like to be a part of the PERSIST project.

People expect you to have things under control by the time you have your fourth child. You should already know how to juggle the children, the laundry, keeping a clean house, cooking dinner, and everything else in life. You shouldn’t need help.
Our son, our fourth child, was born at home in early spring. He was everything that he was supposed to be. He was chubby and soft and sweet. I loved him immediately and intensely. He was the final missing piece in our family puzzle.
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I didn’t know at first that something was wrong. I just knew that everything was hard. Even the smallest responsibilities or situations felt intensely overwhelming. I constantly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t handle the kids without feeling irrational rage, and simple things like getting dinner on the table every night felt impossible. And this sweet little new baby that I adored so much...he would cry constantly, insist on being held all day, and it seemed like he never let me sleep. I would think of different ways to just be done with him, while at the same time having intense anxiety thinking of detailed horrible things that might happen to him. I fantasized about driving away and not looking back.
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Our son was 4 months old when I finally admitted to myself and then to my husband that something wasn’t right. I tried to treat it with “natural” methods first, but I was still tremendously struggling. The rage was what finally convinced me to ask my doctor about medication. Sometimes I didn’t even know what I was angry about, but I couldn’t stop feeling angry. It was chaos in my head. My children and my husband deserved more than I was able to give them. So I started on an antidepressant.
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I felt like I was spinning out of control, and the medication gave me something to hold on to. It didn’t fix me, but it gave me a foothold in the climb. It gave me the chance to take a breath, even when I was drowning. Medication helped me to feel like I had a chance to be me again.
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I still struggle with mental illness, even 3 years after having our youngest child. Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety turned into plain old depression and anxiety. I see a psychiatrist to manage my medication and now see a therapist every two weeks. I have good days and I have bad days. But, overall, I am happy. I feel supported. And I am ready to share my story and the stories of women like me.

21/05/2019

"Although I had a long and traumatic labor, motherhood seemed to come naturally to me. I healed quickly, lost the weight fast, and had no difficulty breastfeeding. My daughter rarely cried, was happy almost all the time, and slept through the night from 1 month. It would seem that I had it made.

But there was a dark side. I experienced two terrifying events within the first 8 weeks of her life. The first was when my car keys malfunctioned and locked her in the car alone with my phone on an August morning. Thanks to some perfect strangers, she was out in ten minutes. I couldn't help thinking how much worse it could have been. The second was when I woke up one morning and found her not breathing. I had to shake her to get her to start breathing again.

That was the one that broke me. I ordered a breathing monitor immediately, and while I waited for it to arrive, I insisted that my husband and I sleep in shifts so someone was up to monitor her at all times. Even after I started using the monitor, I would wake up panicked multiple times a night to make sure she was breathing, even shaking her awake so I could be extra sure. When we drove, I would reach around to feel her breathing in her carseat. I always had a route to the nearest hospital mapped out in my mind in case something happened.

My mom finally asked me if there was something going on. I tried to explain it away but I knew it wasn't normal. My midwives recommended a therapist, and she diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety caused by PTSD.

Thanks to the hard work we put in in therapy, I have very few panic attacks anymore, and I don't constantly map out routes to the hospital. I still struggle though. I believe it's turning into regular anxiety, and it's something I'll have to deal with. But I truly enjoy being a mother now, and I'm able to deal with my anxiety from a position of strength from what I learned in therapy. If anything comes my way, I'll handle it as I always have."

21/05/2019

"Through 2 pregnancies in 2 years, including my eldest being stillborn, I experienced postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, and psychosis.
My first daughter, Diana, was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 and stillborn at 24 weeks. I was prescribed anti-depressants, but never took them. It was a personal choice for me to work through my pain without medication, and I ended up recovering from everything in a couple of weeks. A few months later, I fell pregnant with my daughter, Audrey Faye. Her pregnancy was rough, and despite her being born early, she was healthy and happy from day 1. She is now 13 months old and the absolute light of my life.

My body changed a lot after I had Audrey, and that lead to my mental state being a little shaky. Between the depression, anxiety, OCD, and psychosis, I felt strain in every aspect of my life. It was terrifying to feel like I was losing who I was as a person. I didn't feel like me.

I’ve been on medication for 14 months now and finally feel like myself again. I’m happy for the first time in almost 8 years and it feels amazing! My daughter is the love of my life, my husband is my biggest supporter, and my church has become like my family. Looking back, I can't believe the amount of pain I was in- but I survived! I love the woman I am now and I’m excited to continue to grow into a happier, healthier human ❤"

21/05/2019

"I have had struggles with mental health before; however, there is no preparing for postpartum depression. I tried to pretend I was fine for about 3 weeks, my husband saw right through that-thankfully. My doctor asked “any problems of postpartum depression?” “Well doc this is my first baby so what exactly should I look for?!” I lied, the first time and the second time. “No, I'm fine.” That's what I kept saying, I was far from it. I wouldn't leave the house, I barely ate, I wouldn't let anyone hold MY baby not even my husband. I just wanted to be left alone, I wanted to disappear all together. The only person I somewhat let in was my husband, he didn't give me a choice on that. Its different for all moms, first time or fourth time. Yes, I had anxiety and depression before I got pregnant and had my daughter, but nothing is the same after post partum. I'm two years postpartum and I'm still climbing my way up sometimes; especially when I'm in public and my child is being a maniac I feel like a terrible parent. Those days when nothing is going right, you are covered in “something” sticky, the house is a mess and you just want to cry-it's okay, you are a great mom, the house can wait, love that little one and look for the sun in the darkest days. It does come back out."

29/09/2018

Congratulations Kat and Tony on one week of marriage! ☺️
I am so grateful for this awesome couple allowing me to be a part of their special day. These two can sure throw a party!!

10/10/2017

PERSIST; A Mental Health Project.

In honor of World Mental Health Day, I am finally launching this project that I have been working on for several months now. While doing this project, I have been able to meet some amazing women with amazing stories. All of these women have had some kind of experience with postpartum mental illness, including myself. Please take a few moments to look through the albums and read each woman's personal story.

Feel free to share your own story as well

10/10/2017

"Out of work for 6 weeks, swollen and grossly overweight, confined to our little apartment alone with my baby with no one to socialize with, no way to catch a break. Just me and my baby, who cried, pooped, and wanted to nurse so much i spent all my time trying to comfort him, changing him, and feeding him. This is how it started. Postpartum depression was like living in a black and white world. No bright happy colors and sunshine. Just shades of bland, boring gray. I felt so trapped, tethered to my baby, to the couch or bed because I couldn't do anything else while he nursed. I couldn't go anywhere without him even if anyone offered to watch him because I was breastfeeding and couldn't produce enough extra to make a single bottle. The only thought that got me through each day was that this day is only for a day. Tomorrow will be one day closer to things getting better. I just kept doing everything I had to do to take care of my baby and myself, and took each day as it came. Eventually he didn't need to nurse as often, and I was able to go back to work, but I constantly struggled with supply issues, which were magnified by my depression. My anxiety increased my supply issues. My baby's teething increased my anxiety and kept my nerves raw. A year later, I still struggle with the depression and anxiety but it comes and goes now, and I just do what I have to do to get through the grey days so I can make it to the bright ones. Postpartum depression doesn't mean I'm a lesser woman or a worse mother. It means I'm human and I brought a life into this world and my body and mind are still adjusting. Every grey day I get through is an accomplishment and a testament to my strength. Postpartum depression doesn't change my love for my baby. It's just something I have to get through to the other side, and I will."