Botanisör Florist Launceston

11/12/2024

Now I’m no proctologist so I can’t finger out what’s going on with the weather. So, today on “climate change is a good thing” we have a late blooming of peonies. Limited bunches but definitely your last flush for the year.
See if a GP didn’t know how to treat a heart condition they’d ask a cardiologist. They’d get advice and guidance … this does not apply to politicians and scientists regarding climate science. Makes you wonder why anyone would want the expense of a university degree when you can get one at Parliament House for free.
You see I’m dumber and smarter than you think so don’t underestimate me because I’m actually smart about a lot of stuff but also don’t be surprised if I’m dumb about some other stuff. Hope this helps you understand me better.
On a completely different note, anyone else old enough to remember before mobile phones, we had one ringtone? Mum yelling from the back door step. And trust me, ignoring that was not an option.
Keep up the good work and remember you can be a good person with a kind heart and still tell people to f.off when needed. It makes you stronger.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌸🌸🌸 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

10/12/2024

Needs no explanation. The amazing Giddins going above and beyond for our community.

Hello all our Launceston friends. We and Santa really are in desperate need of your help. This year’s Christmas Lunch that is to be held at the Door of Hope is missing something and only you good people out there can help us. So the kids can have not just a good Christmas but a great Christmas we need donations of toys and we need heaps there will be a lot of children here and I believe that they all should have a day to remember. So to help the Kids in need please open up your hearts and send them our love. You can drop off toys at the Green Bean on Cimitiere 113 Cimitiere Street Launceston anytime. To all our Launnie heroes out there Tracey, Ben, Charlie and I thank you all and wish you a very Merry Christmas

09/12/2024

On the first day of Christmas my true love said to me, here’s my credit card go get yourself something nice. Then I wake up. Lucky because that’s a bad way of finding out how much I can spend on poultry and how many birds I can fit in a back yard.
You’d think they would name dyslexia something easier to spell, and take a moment to think of all those dyslexic kids sending letters to Satan at this time of year.
Oh, you think it’s silly to believe in Santa? You probably believe all that plastic packaging is being recycled. A recycling symbol does not guarantee it recyclability.
We take recycling seriously at Botanisör. Our products are designed to be compostable, recyclable, reusable and if we do need to resort to plastic, it is kept to a minimum and clear so it is more readily recycled. And all foliage waste is composted.
Have a great week and remember you don’t have to check with Spotify to know you were the most played last year.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎄♻️🎁 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

06/12/2024

DearSanta, I’ve been “Good”* all year.
*please read the term& conditions.
Well except for last week at the electrical store when that kid was annoy me. I assume this parent found him in the deluxe tumble dryer.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Social services, come out with your hands up.
Anywho, as promised the new plants are arrived, wrapped and ready to go. There’s large and small peace lilies, monstera, dragon tails,dumb cane and big kentia palms. Great gifts, or keeps. I won’t tell.
Heat, pressure & time, the three things needed to make a diamond, are also the three things needed to make a cheese toastie. Not to be a drag but if you want flowers for Christmas, now is a good time to order them. Tick it off the list and take some stress of yourself.
Have a great weekend and remember you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea when you’re a flute of champagne. Who am I kidding, I’ve got the hips of a champagne saucer.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🤶🧺🥂 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

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04/12/2024

Look out all you plantaephiles a shipment is imminent. We will have an update and plorn pics Friday. Pay with cash and don’t get bank charges, unless you are with the yellow and black bank.
I have already coloured in my old comics so the robbers now look like bumble bees. Where do you get those bags with the $$$ on them? Balenciaga? Channel? Lovisa?
I’m starting a side hustle for the festive period. It’s called Sh*ts&Giggles. I make chocolate ganache truffles. They either have laxatives in them or a “green herb”. Eat one and wait 30 minutes. You’ll know which one you chose. Perfect for Christmas Day because either way Aunty Brenda will be hysterically funny.
If your studying at uni and your name is Whet Faartz, do you go proctology or bomb disposal?
Anywho, if you do have an unexpected guest or that difficult to buy for person, we may have a gift out of left field that will be perfect. From candles to mirror balls, gin to chocolate, plants to perfume. You get the gist.
Keep up the good work and remember according to my chocolate advent calendar there are 3 days till Christmas.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🍫🍀🚽 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

02/12/2024

Today’s uniform is gumboots, Speedo‘s and a fur coat. Looks like I will be needing them all with this weather.
Don’t fret the coat is so old it’s mammoth. I look like Chewbacca’s mangey cousin at least seven times removed from the gene pool.
Shop is filling with grab & goes, while making up the orders for delivery. That’s not up say I can’t make you something bespoke up. It would be my pleasure.
Hey, I applied for a job at the mental asylum and they need me to have at least five hours spent with a crazy person. Wanna hang out tomorrow? I got crayons… and a rubber chicken!
Actually I don’t think they remember me. A couple of years ago I went Christmas carolling there. In hindsight I guess singing “Do you hear what I hear” was not one of my best ideas.
Now a shoutout to Elon, the first butt, buddy, that hair transplant you had and the jawline surgery and the supplementary testosterone therapy you had? ALL gender affirming care! So while you still dead name your own child, let’s just say your company was and always will be Twitter.
Have a great week and remember if anyone is Christmas shopping for me I take a size 16 carat in diamonds and a 4 bathroom in penthouses.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💎❤️💎 112 Cimitiere Street Launceston.

29/11/2024

Are we staying dry out there? Or are we jumping in puddles? Either are acceptable, and why don’t they make those big yellow raincoats for adults?
The rain does provide a good opportunity to repurpose and stay sun smart this festive season. Collect those broken brollies and remove the fabric. Sew them together in a wonderful patch work of riotous colours and patterns. Use this to throw over the Hill’s hoist come Christmas.
Your own marquee to avoid the sun. The bestest adventure tent to keep children amused and out of the sun for ages. Especially if you hang fun stuff inside off the line. It could even be another planet to explore.
And if your spending the weekend inside, it looks like it’s going to be wetter than behind an apprentices ears, we have oodles of fresh flowers to bring the outside inside. I wasn’t allowed to say wet as an under b**b. So put the jug on and dust off those books you have wanted to dive into go ages.
Have a great weekend and remember if money is the root of all evil, perhaps churches should stop asking for it.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or ☂️🎪⛺️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

27/11/2024

Very mixed emotions this Humpday. Happy it’s raining and the water tanks are filling. Frustrated because the new ice-pole/ popsicle trays arrived, perfect for yesterdays weather. Made of food grade, obviously, silicon, they are easy to unmould and clean. With a clever slot for the stick, not included like batteries.
Anywho, it’s not even summer yet, so pop in and grab a few to keep the little kids and big kids cool and hydrated all summer long. Whether it’s simple blackcurrant cordial or fruit juice wizzed up with the left over grapes or blueberries. Squishy banana and Greek yoghurt, yummmmm. Great way to use up the ends of the fruit they pick over but are still good. How does raspberry, honey and Greek yogurt sound? Any personal favs or recommendations out there? Child friendly or adult.
And a Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans out there, for their Wednesday. The day they celebrate the arrival of the undocumented immigrants who refused to learn the local language but were still given food assistance. As far as I can research.
It’s a rubbish day to be on the roads so if you need flowers sent, we deliver. See what I did there?
Keep up the good work and remember the sign you don’t want to see on a power pole is “LOST Colostomy bag, last seem in the ball pit at McDonalds. “

📞 6334 9188, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🍇🍒🍌🫐🍑 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

25/11/2024

Things I need to remember today are: drink coffee, don’t slap stupid people, stay focused and positive, drink water, don’t freak out, stabbing people is wrong and wear pants. Am I wearing pants?
You see it’s OK to talk to yourself… and OK to answer yourself but do you have to repeat yourself because you weren’t listening! No? Just me.
The shop is full of fresh local flowers and we are working our cabooses off filling the floor with ready to goes. Haute fleur if you will. The floral version of a smash & grab.
Oh and I lost my new weekend job calling the bingo. “Doris & Nettie” is inappropriate for 88 (they complained),and and “a meal for two with a hairy view” is not the correct way to pronounce 69. Live and learn.
I’ve also decided to be cremated when I die. It will be my last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Have a great week and remember you can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. Like if they are wrapped around your throat, she might be annoyed.

☎️ 6334 9287, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎱🔮🪩 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

22/11/2024

It’s Friyay and I’m full of questions. It all started when the kids said they wanted a puppy for Christmas. I’d rather something more traditional like a turkey or a leg of ham… but if that’s what they want.
Is the scariest thing to read in braille “do not touch”?
Why do baby cloths have pockets? What s**t do they need to carry? Put pockets in female clothing! Possibly big enough to carry babies in. Or at the very least, a phone.
Will Frump give the job of Surgeon General to the My Pillow Guy? Or American Ambassador to Antarctica to Kim Karcashian?
This question is for the programming nerds, geeks, virgins, whatever, how do I make an phone app? My idea is to make an app that consolidates all the other dating apps. I’m calling it Whatsleft.
Now if your getting the tree out to decorate soon and need some unique, some one of a kind, locally made decorations, can we help you out? Yes we can. From pudding scented puddings to potpourri filled baubles to pink reindeer. And a few things in between. And fresh seasonal flowers, so you don’t have to dust. Come have a browse, never know what you’ll find.
Have a great weekend and remember colonising white people have been experts in committing genocide since they stopped being black themselves.

📞 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎄🎁❄️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

20/11/2024

Only half way thru the week and we got our password hacked, again. That’s the fourth time this year we have had to rename the dog. Sheershh.
And why isn’t the saying, as happy as a gerbera? Look at those little faces. You can’t help but smile. They also feature in the new lines on the web site. We are adding products ideal for corporate/ business, hospitals, homes, for events such as get well, happy birthday, cheer up /we love you or I’m very, very, very sorry. Or Christmas.
Speaking of, here is a gift getting tip straight from the lips of the baby Jesus. Yell out exactly what you want near your partner’s mobile or type it into their search engine. Then just sit back and wait for all those pop-up adds courtesy of Meta and Google.
Gone are the days you could circle what you wanted in the catalogues and leave them laying in the coffee table. Simpler times.
Also if your having festive party, consider playing the Botanisör florist Spotify play list. As described by one music critic as “ a menopausal ride of music, you can’t imagine what’s coming next”.
Being the ever organised one, I all ready have my New Year’s resolution. I want to become a chauvinist pig. So people will refer to my belly fat as succulent.
Keep up the good work and remember I came, I saw, I felt awkward and I left.

📞 6334 9187, 🖥 botanisorflorist.com or 🌼🌸🌼 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

18/11/2024

And it’s Monday again and we are busier than Mike Tyson’s adult diaper. We have even had time to add a wonderful new item to the web page shop portal. The topiary alstroemeria box. Check it out.
Also a huge shout out to the incredible human who is Charlie, (of fame), who has opened her own establishment . Go check it out. And her radiant smile.
You know the best part of being dyslexic is?Confusing the cinnamon and the cumin. Anywho if you want my new recipe for fajitas porridge… I’m beginning to think my guardian angel drinks. A lot!
Why an I so weird? Because my only role models growing up were Bert & Ernie, Mr Humphries and Uncle Arthur. You created this monster.
Now I need to finish packing more Christmas gifts to go on the floor and finish the table/ mantelpiece decorations.
Have a great week and. remember people don’t think grass be wet in the morning but it dew.

☎️ 6334 9287, 💻 www.botanidorflorist.com or 🎁🎄🎅 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

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15/11/2024

Ahhh, its Friyay. And I have not done anything wrong… yet. OK, I haven’t been caught doing them. Hehe.
To make your day/ weekend, we have amazing locally grown peonies. As featured in todays bumper issue hand-tied bouquet. They have a short season so grab them early. And speaking of peonies, if your not technically minded I discovered there is a calendar for next year of Medieval dickus picus. I want one.
With the weather and the climate it is not assured how long flower seasons will be. So get in early. Although not everyone thinks climate change is real. It is a hot topic that has split the scientific community right down the middle. 96-4!
Why do we believe if you go back in time and do something small it will radically change the future but are too scared to do something small now to radically change the future. It seems caring for others and the planet is now considered radical.
Really if your politics don’t include a life of dignity for everyone and the planet, including those you hate, then you can blow it out of every or***ce you own.
Do you know we only sell flowers grown here in Tasmania? I may not have mentioned it before.
Have a great weekend and remember the purpose of life is to take crazy leaps of faith and call it research for your future memoir. Wait till you get to the chapter in mine with the rubber chicken, the Madame, a pint and the POW piano.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌸🌸🌸 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

13/11/2024

Yes, it’s Humpday once again. And yes, I hate it when people say age is just a number. Because it’s clearly a word, Brenda! No seriously’ I have just realised I’m “they don’t make music like this no more” years old. The day had to come but why do soon?
On a positive note, and that’s a very, very tentative note, the Christmas window is live. All glitter and sparkle just like a barn. Yes, it is time to celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, yet they say he was born in Jerusalem, the preacher of tolerance and forgiveness. A message so important that his most ardent followers would eventually start wars against everyone who didn’t want to hear it.
He was also a good Jewish boy and Chanukah starts on 25th December this year, coincidence? Or not!
To celebrate we have lovely charms to trim your bush…tree. It’s a tree. Some mini bushes for offices. And our patented,(patent pending… on us writing one) pot-pourri filled balls…baubles. Baubles for trees. Not balls for bushes.
Boy do I need a powder and good lie down before I get the vapors.
Keep up the good work and remember “self defense” has vastly different meanings for the colonised and the coloniser, female and male.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎄🎁✡️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

11/11/2024

We are heading into that brilliant part of the year where we have an abundance of flower choice. The natives are in full swing. Another reason to change the national day, cos they will be over by January. The peonies will arrive later in the week. Callas are almost ready. We are just spoilt with fragile beauty. And we have a comprehensive range of Tasmanian grown seasonal flowers for you.
Congratulations to the customer who successfully turned their car into a mobile phone. They crashed their Kia. Now they have Nokia.
Ah, smart phones, they have revolutionised the way humans interact by providing a socially acceptable way to ignore everyone around us.
I do also, I believe that the lone star on the Texan flag is actually a review. And a generous one at that. And my last word on the subject, for now, is that with everything bad going on in America right now you’d think that it was cursed. Like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Oh, wait…
And if you have a difficult person to buy for, our flowers are fat, gluten and carbohydrate free. They are also vegan until the bees pollinate them. I think.
Have a great week and remember just when you meet the biggest idiot ever, an even bigger one will come along and blow your freaking mind.

📞 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🚙☎️😞 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

08/11/2024

Today will be Fri-whooow. Amerikkka, what were you thinking? You would rather elect a misogynist with 34 felonies to his name, 2 impeachments, 6 bankruptcies, a convicted ra**st, adulterer, serial liar, an incompetent fascist who looks like he was coloured in by a pre-schooler rather than elect a woman of colour.
And yes, colour has a letter U!
Are you OK Amerikkka? It’s like you just tunnelled out of R Kelly’s basement only to escape into P Diddy’s party room.
It’s like Charles Bukowski said, the trouble with the world is that the intelligent people are full of self doubt, while the stupid people are full of confidence. And we all know that when a clown moves into the White House he does not become President. The house becomes a circus.
Now while I comfort myself, out of the gutter you, is it technically one piece if I don’t slice the cake and eat the entire thing whole?
Come get flowers. It will make both of us feel better.
Have a great weekend and remember the quote from the incredible Spike Milligan, you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be the President of the United States of America.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💊🥃🛌 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

06/11/2024

It’s Humpday already. That came around faster than Christmas. Oh, there’s not so good news on that one either.
Bit of a rant today about all the “once in a century floods” all over the world. More like a century of floods! Only proving water is also smarter than a town planner. But that glimmer of hope from the devastation in Valencia, Espania this week was the never ending army of people who walked for hours to clean, bring drinking water, food and most importantly hope.
It showed that the yous, mes, the everyones, the ones that feel the most powerless are the most powerful. When we come together in a common goal we can make enormous change for the betterment of our fellow man.
So next time, don’t get angry at a climate protester because they made you a little l late. Get angry at big oil & gas. They pay little tax, if any at all and you don’t get angry when they cause your cancer, flooding, drought, respiratory diseases, diabetes. You just accept those. But billionaires donate to fantastic causes. Causes that would not exist if their “products” were safely regulated.
Then they invent the carbon footprint to make it our responsibility.
So if an economic and/or political system is incompatible with a liveable planet, you should change the damn system. Complacency will equal a painful demise. Picking from the same two choices that haven’t worked previously is pointless. Pigeons lean faster! Well they have inhabited the Earth longer than us.
Silver lining, we all work well together to look after each other.
Keep up the good work and remember whilst the corporations commit planet-scale crimes against life, the “state” comes after those who dare to speak out.

📞 6334 9287, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌎🌍🌏 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

05/11/2024

We’re back. Did we all recreate our tooshies off yesterday. Or spend the day catching up on chore that had slipped behind? Well it’s a new week, so let’s get cracking.
Good luck if your fluttering on the Cup of Melbourne today. Know your limits and have fun. That goes for betting and boozing. I have lived next to Flemington racetrack. Let me tell you in the evening, it’s not pretty. It’s not even interestingly ugly. It’s like a Betty Ford orientation day.
And without sounding like a Yorkshireman, the only bit of a horse you can bet on is opposite end to the nose. As I quote “There’s brass in that there muck”. And healthy veg to boot.
Hey I have an idea for a movie. It’s like Indians Jones meets the Avengers where the main characters are Indigenous from the inhabited continents and they break into museums and reclaim stolen artefacts. I just don’t know what to call it. Any suggestions?
Shop is filling with bouquets and boxes ready to go or we can make you something bespoke and as the weather warms the choice of flowers grow. The cornflower are stunning and the Arum lily have just arrived. I love them, they can tell your age. It goes from: we had them in our wedding, death lily, Maplethorpe, to these are incredible, what are they? and are those real?
Have a great week, it’s 20% off and remember when I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard, honest and painstaking work, I am no longer young.

☎️ 6334 9287, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🏇🏼🥂🏆 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.