Botanisör Florist Launceston

Botanisör Florist Launceston Local florist on the outskirts of the Launceston CBD cocooned in Miledge Lane.
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Happy Humpday from a badass with a good ass. I have written my Christmas list and it is short this year. 1) $1,000,000 i...
03/12/2025

Happy Humpday from a badass with a good ass.
I have written my Christmas list and it is short this year. 1) $1,000,000 in cash. 2) the souls of all who have displeased me. 3) a puppy and 4) a hot cup of tea with a shortbread biccy.
I see Coles is testing new technology to combat the skyrocketing rise in theft and assault in retail outlets. Here’s an idea, use that money to pay your staff well and employ more staff so that customers get personalised service and feel welcome in your “outlets”. Use that money to bring prices down and stop gouging. The more you become automated, the internet has shown us, customers become alienated. Impersonal service begets rage, theft and disloyalty. There is less regret stealing from a machine. A face, a greeting and a “can I help you” will reduce your problems. Go back to basics and consult Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Your problems lie in trying to be too clever and being way too greedy.
Does anyone else see how many of our problems both political and cultural are the result of a decline in reading, learning and a loss of interest in humanities? Also, pay teachers more!
I realise we can’t make everyone happy. We’re not tiramisù. But we can make a community where we all reach our full potential.
I don’t care if you don’t buy anything from me, come in for personal friendly service. I have served celebrities, Ladies, immigrants, homeless and the rudest, but they all got the same happy pleasant service. And maybe something might catch your eye.
Keep up the good work and remember it is not a “male loneliness epidemic “ it’s natural selection.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💰📸☹️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

I have one thing to say… Pauline, if you don’t like it go back to where you came from!And the fresh peonies have just be...
01/12/2025

I have one thing to say… Pauline, if you don’t like it go back to where you came from!
And the fresh peonies have just been delivered. First in, very lucky. Best dressed is up to you.
It’s the first of the month and I’m doing a challenge called “December “. It’s where I try to get through every day of December. The reward, a new year.
I wish I was a bin man, they only work on Tuesdays. Well mine does.
Here is to the Goddess Cher, who paid off the cafeteria lunch debt for students in 112 schools in 7 states. This will ensure students can eat without shame or stigma and not go hungry. What has Elon, Jeff or Mark done? It rhymes with hero.
Don’t you get a huge surprise when you buy a 42-inch TV online in the Black Friday sale only to answer the knock at the door to a dwarf transvestite. Read the terms & conditions. I’m calling mine Mamadom.
Today is also World AIDS Day. We have come a long way since the 80’s but one of the most important things is to know your HIV stratus. I will be closing early today, ( 3.30) to go do my blood test. And with advances in medication, an undetectable viral load means untransmissable. HIV stops here.
Have a great week and remember never ask a New Zealander how many partners they have had. They fall asleep counting.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🗑️❤️📺 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

As it is December next week I thought we might celebrate with a good old Nordic Christmas game of skill. And to let you ...
28/11/2025

As it is December next week I thought we might celebrate with a good old Nordic Christmas game of skill.
And to let you know the Christmas window is done and all the decorative bits are out. From baubles to reindeer to puddings for the tree. And they smell of the holiday season. The puddings.
If you’re shopping for a glamour Dolly bird this year, let me give you a bit of advice to save money. Co***ne is cheaper than Chanel, so tell them a pale white powder look will be in next year but do not, I say do not use it instead of icing sugar. You only make that mistake six or seven times.
Changing the empty toilet roll does not cause brain damage of shrinking testicles. Just Do It!
Did you know man’s best friend is a Hot Dog. The only dog that feeds the and that bites it.
If you’re after peonies, you’re too late. I will let you know next week once I have secured some more. See, snooze you loose.
I went to a boxing match last night. I know, me! Anywho I packet fifteen more cartons than anyone else. Yes, bragging.
Have a great weekend remember to be way more interested in how your life feels than how it looks to others.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 📦🌸🌭 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

Great news for peony lovers, we have fresh from the farm peonies. Get in fast before they disappear. Ah, that scent. Do...
26/11/2025

Great news for peony lovers, we have fresh from the farm peonies. Get in fast before they disappear. Ah, that scent.
Does the Prime Minister of Sweden have to put his own flat pack cabinet together with an Alan key?
We should all start calling Elon Musk the “greediest man” instead of “richest”, structurally this is most correct.
I knew a woman who would set fire to all her bills when they were in the letterbox. We called her Burnadebt.
Wishing our American listeners a happy thanksgiving tomorrow. Now that’s the celebration of when the Europeans MIGRATED ILLEGALLY to North America and were helped by the native tribes because they were starving? Just checking.
Must send flowers to my Aunty Marg. She has been ill for so long we now call her Aunty I can’t believe she’s not better.
And haters beware I have hired an Asian assassin to protect me. He’s in my phone as Chinese takeout.
Keep up the good work and remember it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, tall or short, fat or thin, at the end of the day… it’s night.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🔥📬😎 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

“Stop looking at me!” And other favourites like, “You’re breathing my air.” Classic lines shouted from the back seat of ...
24/11/2025

“Stop looking at me!” And other favourites like, “You’re breathing my air.” Classic lines shouted from the back seat of the family car when squashed in with siblings. Those were the days… I wanted to be an only child. All that from big red gerbera eyes, hehe.
SHEIN, the venereal disease of the interweb, has won an award. They are the biggest polluter in fast fashion. And their plastic products reduce fertility. SHEIN plastic shoes will make you sterile, and this works for men and women. Oh, they are also the first in the world to invent permanent unisex birth control. I guess.
A pigeon was arrested last night out side Parliament House in Canberra. Police say it was an attempted coo.
The irony that it was emails and Bill getting a gobby that took down the Clintons and its emails and Bill getting a gobby that will bring down that walking talking advertisement for vasectomy. Yes Bill was impeached as 42nd president for lying and saying he wasn’t pleasured and can now get the 47th president impeached by saying he was. Barbara Cartland couldn’t write this.
Is there a Black Friday sale out there on groceries, rent, electricity and therapy?
10% of Meta’s profits from 2024 were from scam advertising. Do with that what you will. While Elon, currently the world’s richest man with a net worth of $497 billion is blocking FOOD BANK on Twitter.
As usual we have affordable flowers and gifts with exceptional service for free.
Have a great week and remember I find myself saying “That’s white people sh*te.” a lot for someone who is in fact white.

It’s Friyay and fresh strawflower arrived this morning. Also it’s become apparent that every day in November is now blac...
21/11/2025

It’s Friyay and fresh strawflower arrived this morning. Also it’s become apparent that every day in November is now black and EVERYDAY in November is Friday. Some people need to go back to school.
As a small business we appreciate every customer and sell fresh local and unique all year at the best and fairest prices we can. You’ll hardly see a florist or a grower driving around in a fancy car or always on holiday. Heck, we inevitably have holes in something we’re wearing. T-shirt today, socks tomorrow, any story being spun to the tax office. Kidding ATO. Look over there, Meta hasn’t paid any tax.
When a female sloth is ready to find a mate, she just sits and screams till a partner shows up. Sloths are now my spirit animal. But will it work for a cup of tea and a Monte Carlo?
People who say their wedding day or birth of a child is their best day ever have clearly not had two Chokitos fall out of a vending machine.
Today’s top tip, if you see a pothole, line it with a comprehensive budget breakdown of the stadium. The government will cover that over toot sweet.
My cousin was told to stop eating wheat but they ignored that advice and were subsequently run over by a combine harvester.
Have a great weekend and remember we can’t personally fix everything but we can fix SOMEthing. We can all do our best.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🦥☕️🍪 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

Why does fridge have a D in it when refrigerator doesn’t?Anywho happy Humpday and to let you know, the first of the loca...
19/11/2025

Why does fridge have a D in it when refrigerator doesn’t?
Anywho happy Humpday and to let you know, the first of the local straw flower and seal holly have arrived this morning. We also have some very whimsical cornflower. Perfect for that dreamy wildflower feel. Add red alstroemeria and white sweet William to complete the feel. Billy buttons even.
Did you know parents can burn over 3000 calories begging a toddler to get dressed. Alternatively they do replace those calories finishing said toddlers leftovers.
I’m pretty sure that the most anticipated obituary in history can now be called THROTUS of the United States. He also removed the Resolute Desk from the Oval Office in February to be”lightly refurbished “. Nine months later it has been spotted in Mar-a-Lago.
Does anyone else give directions by where dogs live? Ok, just me.
Capitalism is better than socialism because one man can be a trillionaire instead of everyone else having a livable planet.
Keep up the good work and remember Miguel de Unamuno said- fascism is cured by reading and racism is cured by traveling.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 😮🤡🤬 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

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Here are some of our environmentally sustainable children’s toys. Made locally in up-cycled linen and cotton fabric, so ...
17/11/2025

Here are some of our environmentally sustainable children’s toys. Made locally in up-cycled linen and cotton fabric, so yes they wash up in cold water, are very textural, easy to grasp and snuggly. Easily a child’s favourite companion.
I predict it will not be a good week for Donica Lewinsky, the only presidential candidate to have finished off not just one but both Clintons. How were we to know when he ran a campaign on draining the swamp that The Swamp was his pet name for The Big Beautiful Bill.
As he tweeted in 2015 “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?” Hits differently now don’t you think. Mind you the same person truthed(?) a couple of weeks ago “I’M NOT INCOMPITENT!!!!” Enough said.
How to make friends as an adult… but them flowers.
Anthropologists say they think they know how long dinosaurs lived for. About as much time as short dinosaurs.
Have a great week and remember every person who believes being gay is a choice is a personal choosing to be straight.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🗼😮🍦 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

How was your week? Anything like the Californian man who won a record $US2.04 Billion. But took home $625 million after ...
14/11/2025

How was your week? Anything like the Californian man who won a record $US2.04 Billion. But took home $625 million after taxes. Why are billionaires not taxes like that?
I did try to apply for a job as a Latin language teacher but they wanted a native speaker. Feliciter with that. That’s good luck.
A customer’s husband found a piece of metal in their washing machine, then spent three hours pulling it apart to find where it came from. It was flat and shaped like a smile. Ladies, any thoughts? And coincidentally this Sunday is No Bra Sunday, or The Saggeth. A day rest for the breast.
I’ve changed all my passwords to eight asterisks. ******** Good luck with that one hackers. Oooops, hope they don’t read these posts.
Is it true African mothers were telling their kids to eat up all their dinner because there are starving children in America?
As usual we have heaps of fresh locally grown flowers and regionally made gifts. Keeping our economy circular. And if you pay cash, the banks won’t steal your money.
Have a great weekend and remember a man who fears being seen as feminine is a man who fears being treated the way he treats woman.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🛠️🧺⚒️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

This is a subtle way of saying, yes, we have restocked our chocolates. All your favourites and the new, to us, Dark Fru...
12/11/2025

This is a subtle way of saying, yes, we have restocked our chocolates. All your favourites and the new, to us, Dark Fruit & Nut. Although remember you are what you eat.
Ooops, Tassal has done it again. A mass barramundi death event in Cone Bay, WA. 100-150 tonnes of fish waste dumped in the Browne tip by earthmovers and trucks.
To quote Hamlet, Act III, Scene III, line 92, “No”.
While after torrential rainfall in the Brazilian city of Belem, the footpaths outside the venue for climate talks, have flooded. Scientists say climate change is making extreme weather events much, much more common.
A friend of mine said they were approaching the “change”. I’m still trying to work out from which direction.
And In we didn’t see that coming news. Dr Phil of tv and ICE raids fame has had his company, Marriage St Media, liquidated in bankruptcy by a judge. Philip is a Clinical Psychologist not a medical Dr by the way.
Mums, if your tired… of the freeloading housemates loosing their drink bottles between leaving home and returning pleasefollow the lead of the mother who now sends hers to school with a ziplock bag of water. Genius!
Keep up the good work and remember real thieves wear suits and ties.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🍫🍫🍫 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

A Hoya listeners. See what I did there? The “Chang Mai” Hoya is flowering and it’s stunning. Today we are also launching...
10/11/2025

A Hoya listeners. See what I did there? The “Chang Mai” Hoya is flowering and it’s stunning.
Today we are also launching a new product. It’s a pregnancy kit hidden in an egg, wrapped in chocolate. We are calling it the Tinder Surprise.
A big thank you to the Australian government who ended last week by adding “State of Palestine “ to the government system. This means Palestinians born people no longer have to select “stateless “ or “other” as country of birth or nationality on official records. Recognition matters.
Our flowers and foliage are not grown from forced labour, which cannot be said for cloths made and sold by leading multi national businesses. If you couldn’t make it for that price, neither can they.
Could you imagine having a trillion dollars and still being the world’s biggest loser? no Musk hospitals, no libraries, no schools, not even interest free loans for education. Has he ever helped another human being? Once.
Should it be legal that unhoused and homeless people can set up their tents on churches/ synagogues/ mosque/ temple grounds? Helping and feeding the poor is a core of all religions and they could use the money they don’t pay in tax. Historically this was always the case. That’s how cities grew around a church.
What’s the difference between extra virgin olive oil and olive oil? Uglier olives.
And never ask a New Zealander how many partners they have had. They fall asleep counting.
Have a great week and remember Cankles McTaco T**s is to be hence forth known as Drowsy Donny- Dementia Dude the forgetful führer.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🐑⛺️🏥 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

It’s Friyay, the weather is sh*te, so let’s make the most of it. Both small and large candles are on sale. Whether it’s ...
07/11/2025

It’s Friyay, the weather is sh*te, so let’s make the most of it. Both small and large candles are on sale. Whether it’s a hot bath, movie in pajamas or curling up reading a great book, a candle can help set the mood this weekend. And you can get a small and a large candle for less than the price of a large. Winner, winner Blue Gum candle.
Today we say goodbye to Shirley Valentine actress extraordinaire Pauline Collins, and a better Queen Victoria there never was. What a brilliant body of work she leaves us.
VP JD Vance’s younger brother ran for Mayor of Cincinnati this week. After being endorsed by JD he was pounded in the poles harder than the family couch.
You know what caught my eye this morning… a short person with an umbrella.
At some point America being pro-life has to extend to kids that are actually living.
I know a guy that lives by the motto “Out with the old, in with the new”. Great bloke… terrible antique dealer.
You can count the number of chainsaw accidents I’ve had on one hand.
If you’re going to be stuck inside with the family this weekend, we have flowers. Smelly ones for hay fever and migraines, that should keep them in their rooms. Bushy ones to block their faces across the dining table. And for desperate situations there are Triffids and poison oak out back. Just give the signal. Really, come get what will make you happy. The signal is “Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown “. Best movie. EVER!
Have a great weekend and remember if you pass on and you start following the light, there is every chance you have been reincarnated as a moth.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌸☔️🌼 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

Address

Shop 5/112 Cimitiere Street
Launceston, TAS
7250

Opening Hours

Monday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Tuesday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Wednesday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Thursday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Friday 8:30am - 5:30pm
Saturday 8:30am - 1am

Telephone

+61363349187

Website

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