Botanisör Florist Launceston

15/01/2025

Oh good news this Humpday, I found my glasses. Yes, they were having a deep clean at the bottom of the bucket of sunflowers and sea holly. No we don’t file the flowers alphabetically. That’s just how huge the sea holly is. Massive, good value and it dries really well. Just letting you know.
Do you ever feel like your life story was written by Stephen King and directed by Federico Fellini? And I’m not sure if I missed the intermission or not but I will keep going as quietly as Ethel Merman.
Between you, me and that suspicious looking statue at the road works, I’m at that point in my life when future me has become present me and I have to do all the things I had been putting off. Only this is happening on a constant ground hog day loop. What do you mean the statue breaths, it holds that slow sign so still. I really thought it was a brutalist indictment of capitalist hoarding. We learn.
Anyway the gerberas are happy, the fresh lavender smells reassuring and the alstroemeria arrived this morning to thunderous applause. Or maybe just thunder. Or maybe it was Kevin? Can pigeons pass wind? Kevin is our carpark pigeon here on the kanamaluka Rivera. He may even have a blue tick.
Keep up the good work and remember billionaires are not “self-made men”, trans men are self-made men. And worth a lot more.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌻💐🌸 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

13/01/2025

What a way to start the week, if you do find my reading glasses (yes, i have looked in the fridge, all three of them), give us a hoy. I used them this morning. They must have been taken by aliens.
Mind you we are at that point in history if an alien ship did turn up it wouldn’t be considered an abduction. It would be a rescue mission.
And I think there is a world shortage of urine because the billionaires have taken all the… Like Stewart & Sandra Resnick, owners of the Wonderful Company which sells pistachios, pomegranate juice, mandarins and flowers. They hold 60% of Californians water to ransom in infrastructure that cost millions to build that was paid for by the State. So when the fire fighters had no water. Yep, it was them.
Also we need to stop using AI and ChatGP as they are destroying the environment. They use enormous amounts of electricity to calculate and then enormous amounts of water to cool the equipment down. Please use your own brain. It is a far more effective machine. And will run on carbohydrates.
So if you need to “touch grass” or feel trapped at work, come get fresh flowers to connect you to nature. You know the ones, that once finished can be composted to feed worms and soil micro-organisms to grow veg, herbs and more flowers. A cycle that does not end in land fill but will make you feel good in so many ways.
Have a great week and remember most people who can not afford to get on the property ladder are the people who can’t even afford a freaking ladder.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💦🌻🪱 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

10/01/2025

Well, how was your first week into the year? I think we all hit the ground running. And we have so many great and varied locally grown flowers to start off with. We are so spoilt down here.
Yes, the year has got off to a rocky start with fires in the US and Russia, snow in NZ and flooding in the UK and Saudi Arabia,(they even had tornados). With an Italian village snowed in with 1.5 meters of snow. Things are changing.
But to put it in a bit of context, 2 private jets belonging to Tessla/Twitter boss Elon Musky produce 5,497 tonnes of carbon annually. This is equal to what would take each of us 834 years to produce. Or 5,437 years if you are one of the world’s poorest 50%.
In other news a massive Temu warehouse in China has gone up in flames and was totally destroyed. It is estimated inventory loss could be as high as USD$58.32.
Actually to counter act fast fashion I thought of an app for older women. A platform for them to share how to sew, knit, preserve food, garden , quilt, mend and some solid fail proof budget family friendly recipes. Have I invented OnlyGrans?
So if you need to disassociate from the world for a bit, you are most welcome to chill out in our little peace haven of a shop. Stop and smell the flowers. Meditate and breathe. Tomorrow we will take on the billionaires together.
Have a great weekend and remember if you see a chicken and a sheep pole dancing, you are probably in a kebab shop.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌧️🔥☃️🤞 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

08/01/2025

That’s right, it’s living card appreciation day. All hail the card. And a last reminder to our ADHDers, it’s time to complete your 2024 new year resolutions. Ahh, Humpday.
Why is it when a woman says smell this, it usually smells nice like our flowers or candles. When a man says… no. Just NO!
As the weather keeps getting hotter than Satan’s crotch we ordered in more popsicle/ Icey pole/ cream mounds. You know the freeze things. Easy to clean silicone. Shuts kids up. Need I say more?
I have decided animal testing for make up and pharmaceuticals should change from cute little bunnies and monkeys to convicted r**e seedists. What are they going to say, No?
Look at me solving the worlds problems while maintaining high floral and etiquette standards.
Keep up the good work and remember since light travels faster than sound, people may appear brighter until you hear them speak.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🧊🍦❄️❄️ 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

06/01/2025

Welcome to the first new week of the new year. I feel like this one will be a good one, with lots of changes. I just feel it in my waters. And not because I was blowing on my cup of Shiraz on a Zoom call so they thought it was coffee. The acting deserved an award. Really! Hey Meryl, eat my liver out.
It’s been deliveries in and orders out all morning. The Queen Anne’s lace is particularly exceptional. And sorry we have sold out of white oriental lily already. Although we still have pink. Lily, not the singer. With the gerberas arriving in the morning.
Best vet sign ever read, “show us your kitties”.
Then there was the heart warming story of a three year old’s family who could not afford his $20,000 electric wheel chair, as the insurance company wouldn’t cover it. So a high school robotics team burned down the insurance company’s headquarters. This pretty much sums up how this year is heading.
When blood samples are mislabeled, is it a Typo-O?
Have a great week and remember Luigi Mangione is the Eva Braun of our generation.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌻🌺🌼 112 Cimitiere street, Launceston.

03/01/2025

First post of the year and it’s Friyay. Life is good. Know what else’s good? The massive choice of flowers that have started. We got Canterbury bells, moulucca balm,(bells of Ireland), snaps, sunflower and matricaria,(feverfew) to name a few. So spoilt for choice.
Hey, I came up with the best idea for socialising over the holiday period. I now carry a potato wrapped in foil everywhere I go. To start a conversation “Have you ever seen an aardvark’s egg?”, a conversation avoider “Excuse me! Hot, hot, hot!” or a conversation ender “Just got this cyst removed. Feel how heavy it is”. Works a treat.
Although be careful when asking customers how they enjoyed the holidays. Them: I’ve had the sh*ts all Christmas. Me: That’s not good. Them: I can’t wait for them to go back to school.
Although I think this year is the year that I’m going to get into shape. I’m thinking dodecahedron.
Come and start the year off with some beautiful locally grown low carbon footprint fresh or dry flowers. No judgement.
Have a great weekend and remember the difference between a chemist and a tradie is how they pronounce “unionised”.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 💐🥔🌻 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

30/12/2024

It’s the last Monday of the year! So I’m practicing writing 2025. I should have it down by April.
And we find ourselves again in the holiday gooch, that magical time between the Christmas balls and the New Year a**s. When nothing much happens but it feels good.
It’s this time of year I identify as a dandelion. Love me or hate me, I am good for your health, very useful, a great barometer of how things are going and very misunderstood. So if you don’t like me, blow me!
The shop is full-ish, it has been busy, of beautiful fresh locally grown flowers. Perfect to freshen up the house for NYE parties or gifts if your attending one.
Is Iron-man a modern day version of the superhero Fe-male?
Have a great week and a very happy, purposeful and productive new year and remember sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎉🥳🎊 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

27/12/2024

Yes, we are open today and tomorrow til 2pm. Then normal hours next week except for the New Year’s Day.
And Santa, we needs a word! I asked for an Action man. What I got was a doll that when you pulled the cord on his back he calls out 20-25-30-35-40. I got a bloody Auction man. Santa must be as dyslexic as me.
Oh and to the lovely sales assistant with the confused face at the bottle shop. You asked if I need any help. I replied, yes but I came here instead. I answered you honestly.
And due to personal reasons, next year, I will be shining like a freaking diamond, unapologetically for the whole year. The best way to disappoint your haters is to shine, have fun doing it and ignore them.
Have a lovely weekend and remember if it’s yellow and warm, it’s probably not rain, and you may be standing too close to a politician.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🪩🪩🪩 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

24/12/2024

The word of the week is, confelicity. This is the joy in other people’s happiness.
To our Jewish customers and followers we wish you a Happy Chanukkah. To our Christian customers and followers we wish you a Merry Christmas. And to everyone we wish you peace and happiness.
We will be open Friday from 8.30-2pm and Saturday 8.30-2pm. If this helps you.
We will be participating in Christmas Break 2024, a digital silence on the 25th & 26th December. Two days of digital silence. Ghosting the tech billionaires. Make the wold a better place by doing nothing.
Other ways to stick it to the world’s billionaires and multi-national companies that don’t care about us is to grow our own food, shop local, use cash and support striking workers get fair working conditions, like Starbucks & Amazon. Billionaires create inflation by hoarding wealth, not us buying the basics to live.
Have a great holiday period and remember everything from now on is a 2025 problem.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or ☮️🎄🕎 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

23/12/2024

Twas the night before the night before Christmas, and we have your last minute flowers and gifts. From sunflowers to perfume. Lilies to chocolate.
All while I wrestle with my Travel Lodge advent calendar, it still has chocolate in it but the windows don’t open. Unlike the Microsoft advent calendar. If you open too many windows at once, they shut down for no reason.
As Christmas is a time for love and peace, a shout out to Gary from Breadalbane, for caring about those alone on Christmas Day. Hi Mum invited Matt for Christmas lunch, Matt is the man Gary’s Aunt Brenda is having an affair with. Matt invited Brenda for Christmas lunch at a friends house for but she said no because she is going to be with family.
So Matt is going to the friends house, alone, it also happens to be Gary’s house. Brenda will be there with her husband. Matt and Gary’s mother work together. Brenda met Matt at a bar when her husband was working late.
Matt showed Gary a picture of his new girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and he told his mother to invite Matt. Gary is looking forward a memorable lunch. He also plays the long game as Aunt Brenda got him the wrong band T-shirt a couple of years ago. Caring and sharing.
And can we stop making fun of older kids that still believe in Santa. There are grown ass men out there that still believe in trickle down economics theory.
Have a great week and remember the best gift you can give is a broken drum. You can’t beat that.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🌻🌻🌻 112 Cimitiere star, Launceston.

20/12/2024

OK we are at the pointy end now. So as shopping gets busy, please be patient and please be kind. It is the season of good will to all wo/men.
And if you really want peace on Earth be aware that the following companies and/or organisations support Israel in its genocide of the Palestinian people. Coca-cola, McDonalds, AXA, Burger King/ Hungry Jacks, Amazon, Walt Disney, Soda Stream, Puma, HP, Oral-B, Sprite, Channel, Dior, Givenchy, Lipton, Garnier, Fanta, Nestlè, 7UP, Intel, Volvo, Maggi, Persil, Dell, Louis Vuitton, Pizza Hut, KFC, BP, Caterpillar and Starbucks. It’s your money, spend it wisely. Shop local and support your own community. Don’t fund someone’s death.
Did you ever do that thing as a child of putting bits of string across the doors leading to your bedroom, in the hope of tripping Santa when he came in? It was 3am Christmas morning in the mid seventies when I first heard the proverb, “Arghh, FFS I’m going to k- that f-little s-.” And we never figured out why Uncle Barry had a broken nose that day.
The shop is full of great fresh flowers and I’m trying my best to have enough grab & gos on hand. The same will be applicable for Monday & Tuesday.
Oh, Tanya Plibersek, what is the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F!
Have a great weekend and remember there is nothing so strong as gentleness and nothing so gentle as true strength.

☎️ 6334 9287, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎁☮️🎄112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

19/12/2024

18/12/2024

Well hello Ladies & Gentlemen & Gentlemen who probably don’t like Ladies & Ladies who… oh wait, they are over at the mechanics tutorial, and any combination there within.
We have festive Christmas bouquets at budget friendly prices. Great for gift giving, (I just don’t know what to get them), or to easily get the house festive for friends and family to descend.
Did you know I was once in a Nativity play, I was the best Little Drama Boy ever. Talk about type cast but that’s Kinder for you.
If Jesus was born in Bethlehem, why was he called Jesus of Nazareth? Lucky he wasn’t born in Australia because we would be celebrating Jeso’s birthday. With the three wise men offering a goon bag, a packet of Winnie blues and a pair of rubber thongs. Sandals are for sissies, mate. And then when he finished his carpentry apprenticeship he went out on his own, with a white Ute. Thanks another story. He did love wood.
So come one, come all, come as many times as you wish and let’s be gay and merry this Yule tide. Christmas is like a pre Mardi Gras only the music is more repetitive. Would it kill you to do a couple of remixes? Call Barbara Tucker, she’ll sing the jingle out of them bells.
Keep up the good work and remember if you run out pf petrol for the lawn mower, you can use vodka. The only problem is the grass will be half cut. Boom, boom.

☎️ 6334 9187, 🖥 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🍒🪩🎄 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

16/12/2024

Bit of housekeeping to start off with, the first day of Chanukah and Christmas Day both fall on the 25th this year, so our closing days will be Christmas, Boxing & New Year’s days. We wish you peace, happiness and a liveable world however you pray to your deity.
And I’ve come up with a new New World Order rule. No more billionaires. None! After you get to $999 million, every red cent you amass goes to schools and healthcare. You get a trophy that says “I won capitalism “ and we name a dog park after you.
Have you ever thought that maybe the Grinch would be nicer if every five minutes a dude wasn’t singing about what a piece of sh*te he was. Just saying as I can relate.
On a different note, I started a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: remove cap and push up bottom. Let me tell you I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells like a pine forest.
Well back to it. Very busy what with the lead up to two religious celebrations. So if your stuck for present ideas, come in and see what surprises we offer.
Have a great week and remember revenge is best served cold or with a side of brussel sprouts.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🎄🕎🎅 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.

13/12/2024

When life gives you lemons and oranges, add a bit of your blues and hey presto. Makes the soul smile.
Now what do Elon Musk, Taylor Swift, Donald Trump and Jesus have in common? They all have very annoying fan bases.
Ahh, the day is fine and the flowers are fresh. And what a selection we have at the moment. You are spoilt for choice really. And a new batch of dry strawflower and artichokes arrived this morning. So If you like things dry and lasting forever, yes looking at you the current Mrs Murdoch. Whoever you are this month.
Achtung: never, I say never trust a needle pointer. They may be placid, they may produce works of art but they also possess the patience to stab something thousands of times, for fun. Just textile psychopaths.
Anywho, have a great weekend and remember the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but so will yours if you nurture and care for it like they do. Learn, don’t envy.

☎️ 6334 9187, 💻 www.botanisorflorist.com or 🍋➕🍊➕💙🟰🥳 112 Cimitiere Street, Launceston.