03/09/2025
A year ago today, I conducted my dad’s funeral. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done as a celebrant, but also the last gift I could give him. I wasn’t the only one who could have done it, but I was the best one to do it for him - and it was a beautiful, heartfelt farewell. His friends, colleagues, and family who were there felt it too.
I’m so grateful to Halie from and to Jo from for helping me prepare for that day.
More recently, I joined a Big Love Debrief Group chat for funeral celebrants hosted by Jo, and I spoke openly about my grief for dad. One celebrant spoke about the idea of ongoing bonds - the reminder that our relationship with someone we’ve lost doesn’t end, it simply changes. That has been so healing for me.
All the firsts have now passed - the first Father’s Day, Christmas, his birthday and his death day. Grief still comes, like it did last week at Emily Lubitz’s gig when she sang the Two Black Horses Tumbling Out of the Snow, and that undid me. And I know it will come again. But so will love, and closeness, and the bond I’ll always have with my dad.
For anyone walking with grief: the milestones are hard, the waves keep coming - but ongoing bonds can be a way to keep your person close. They’re still yours, and they always will be.
