Death is inevitable. Let's put a plan together to make it easier on those you leave behind.
22/03/2025
So… we are all going to kick the bucket, fall off our perch, put our cue in the rack and one day push up some daisies.
It’s semantics right? We are talking about death.
Realistically most of us will live long and hopefully healthy lives, with the current average life expectancy being above 80 for both men and women. Modern medicine and technological advancements are keeping us relatively fit, able and independent.
Breast cancer 5-year survival, as an example, has improved from 79% in 1991–1995 to 92% in 2016–2020. Since 1968, the cardiovascular disease death rate has fallen by 82%. These are not insignificant changes over the last 50 years.
When our bodies wear down after one too many commando-rolls or dance floor knee slides, we get them replaced or reconstructed. Any limb or joint, we can get a new one and be up and about in a matter of days.
But the end is inevitable, there is simply no escaping it. There are those that have opted for cryogenic freezing, and I wish them the best of luck, but being frozen in a metal box with no effective method of defrosting (they are still trying to work that part out) is a death of its own kind, in my humble opinion.
We will all experience death, and there is no denying it be difficult to fathom. As social beings, with families and communities the death of someone you know will happen multiple times during your life. There are nine people grieved per death, according to the Violet Initiative research paper “Too little, too late; the experience of the last stage of life.”
Some of you may know that I have been working away on a little platform called Adios. I’ve been digging into death (pun intended). I’ve spent the last two or so years exploring the ecosystem around death and what a good death looks like.
Sadly, my idea of a good death isn’t such a common occurrence. Death is plagued with problems that you don’t even realise exist until you are neck deep.
You don’t know, what you don’t know.
Adios is designed to take the sting out of death, by educating us and providing useful resources to help us put some plans in place. In doing so, we gift our family and loved ones a “good death”.
If we can organise ourselves for our inevitable end, so that when it happens there are as few unknowns as possible, the outcome is exponentially better for those we love. The fractured relationships will be significantly reduced, because you made some decisions and did a bit of admin.
Now, if you know me you know that I am not an anal-retentive type of person. In fact, honestly, I exist in some sort of organised chaos, but I do “adult”, I’m not completely hopeless. I think that is why I have developed Adios. Death is chaos. It’s awkward and surreal, and we avoid talking about it because we don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable.
Do you know what’s more uncomfortable?
Arguing with your family about end-of-life care, estate distribution, keepsakes and just about anything that ties two or more people to the loss of someone they both loved. Relationships severed, never to recover because no one provided them with any indications or guidance and now they are unable to forgive each other. Families that never speak or see each other again, creating generational rifts. That’s uncomfortable.
Adios is about being more pragmatic and at ease with death. It’s about wrapping our heads around what it means, what we need to know, approaching it with our eyes wide open and with a bit of humour.
Waiting to put this stuff in place, until we’re closer to deaths door is a bit of a gamble. From my research, the closer we get to death, the more difficult it is to talk about it. It’s too real, too soon, too sad. Add to this the increase in dementia, which is estimated to double from around 400K Australians in 2024 to 800K by 2054. I’ll be in my 70’s.
Currently, for women, it is the leading cause of death in Australia and the likelihood of me being able to make decisions of “sound mind” at age 70, statistically, could be slim.
We don’t want to be making these decisions when the brain decides to wander, by then it is legally too late. We can make some choices now and just move on with living, confidentthat if we get hit by the proverbial bus it won’t be a complete sh*tshow.
My aim, is to get us all on board with what is coming our way. I want people to educate themselves and allow for the time to talk about death. We need to have these conversations with our parents, we need to know what they have in place and what they want when it comes to their end of life. If you can, you should ask them about their plans because knowing will inevitably save some heartache and poor decision making, that may have far reaching implications.
If this is something that in some way resonates with you,please sign up to Adios. I’ll send you a bit of info every month and we can go through the process together, step by step. From initiating the conversation, through to the final fiesta and the administration that lies beyond.
I plan to host a few parties and get togethers, with some guest speakers, wines, chats and laughs. If this is something you feel you want to be part of, I want you there.
adios.au
Happy to answer any questions you might have or if you need some help with any of the administrative stuff, I will likely have a few resources. Obviously I can’t provide legal or financial advice (not smart enough to be a lawyer or financial advisor) but I can point you in the right direction.
Ciao for now Amigos!
Nook x
💃🌵🏜️
