Martin Davis - Comedian

08/05/2025

I'm being bombarded with adverts for AI companions .
What are my algorithms saying .
Are they saying I'm a sad ,single old git .
I am, but how do they know ?.
The barmaid at the game last night told me to come back and ask for her if I wanted any more drinks .I asked her why, and she said I was the nicest person she talked to all night.
Am I too old to spot flirting ?
Oh my God there's no hope for me is there !

07/05/2025

Come on you gooners

07/05/2025

Calm before the storm

07/05/2025

You choose

07/05/2025

Yes George I'm off out tonight to watch the Arsenal game

05/05/2025

17/04/2025

I seem to have a sore head
I wonder why
⚽️

16/04/2025

In a pub with some very nervous gooners

11/04/2025

You left us two years ago today
There's not a day goes by when I think of you
I'll toast you tonight with a G n T
Love you mother xx

08/04/2025

I saw a newspaper picture from the political campaign
A woman was kissing a child, who was obviously in pain
She spills with compassion, as that young child's
Face in her hands she grips
Can you imagine all that greed and avarice
Coming down on that child's lips

Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, I'm trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live
Long enough to savor
That's when they finally put you in the ground
I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down

When England was the w***e of the world
Margaret was her madam
And the future looked as bright and as clear as
The black tarmacadam
Well I hope that she sleeps well at night, isn't
Haunted by every tiny detail
'Cos when she held that lovely face in her hands
All she thought of was betrayal

And now the cynical ones say that it all ends the same in the long run
Try telling that to the desperate father who just squeezed the life from his only son
And how it's only voices in your head and dreams you never dreamt
Try telling him the subtle difference between justice and contempt
Try telling me she isn't angry with this pitiful discontent
When they flaunt it in your face as you line up for punishment
And then expect you to say thank you straighten up, look proud and pleased
Because you've only got the symptoms, you haven't got the whole disease
Just like a schoolboy, whose head's like a tin-can
Filled up with dreams then poured down the drain
Try telling that to the boys on both sides, being blown to bits or beaten and maimed
Who takes all the glory and none of the shame

Well I hope you live long now, I pray the lord your soul to keep
I think I'll be going before we fold our arms and start to weep
I never thought for a moment that human life could be so cheap
'Cos when they finally put you in the ground
They'll stand there laughing and tramp the dirt

Songwriter : Elvis Costello

07/04/2025

03/04/2025

Oh joy, oh joy !