15/03/2024
SAUDADES…
She was driving along the freeway and naming each of the train stations. When she got close to that special one, she felt the same emotion as she remembered what happened. He used to pick her up at the CBD in his yellow car. But petrol was getting expensive and the traffic worse. He asked her to take the train and she was not comfortable to do it by herself. She had never taken the train! She loved driving or having a chauffer. He gave her the main details of the Underground Station and told her he would pick her up at the destination.
That day she was carrying a black and white packback. It was a heavy one she had bought in San Francisco, California, mainly for its looks. She didn’t mind its weight. It had dozen of zippers and special compartments that made it great to pack all she needed for two days and a night at his house. Oh, the night!!!!! Full moon… She wrapped carefully in silk paper the black nightgown she chose at Myer before packing it with a dozen of toilleteries and a spray for the bed sheets.
Yes, he was waiting for her at the station, wearing shorts and thongs, leaning comfortably against a wall. Not the romantic partner she expected to see… She remember Margaret Cameron writing in Under the Venice Moon how she fell in love with a pair of Italian leather shoes looking at the floor; the first sight was followed by the vision of perfect taylored pants and shirt when she raised her head. Margaret wisely compared Australian men with Europeans and discussed the impact of looks in women’s feelings and emotions. Quite interesting. Too cultural…
Well, the weekend had been planned after the full moon and, as a foolish girl, she remembered Margaret’s memoir and raised her expectations. She chose to be well dressed because he was going to prepare crayfish for dinner… She laughed at her thoughts, pictured him better looking when naked and made a happy face to kiss him, dreaming of the time they would spend together.
That happened so long ago… Their romance lasted just six months. But it felt like yesterday. It felt like saudades, the unique Portuguese word she learned to express a deep feeling of missing someone or something. A sweet and sour feeling that deeply hurt in her case. Time had gone by and she missed him with saudades. Her heart and mind had been overflowing with saudades ever since. Why did he leave her? Maybe because he thought she was too old for him. Well, she never felt their age difference. Why did she agree to meet his new girlfriend? Maybe she let him noticed how she disaproved him socially. Well, he never mentioned that to her. It was like a silent understanding between them. Later on, whenever they would meet by chance they would kiss like lovers do.
How sad… They were meant to meet because in previous lives he had been her religious mentor and advisor when they were both monks. He advised her as a young monk to be careful with her -his at the time- speech; to choose wisely the teaching to the congregation. Much later they were husband and wife. Their lives as monks connected them deeply which meant they had to meet again and again until learning how to love each other without judments or demands of each ones egos.
