20/06/2025
“This just happens.” is something stillbirth parents hear pretty often from their providers.
"This just happens" is not an explanation for why a baby dies.
When a parent asks why their baby died, they deserve more than a shrug. More than vague language. More than a pat on the shoulder and silence.
🖤 They deserve answers.
🖤 They deserve honesty.
🖤 They deserve providers willing to say, “We don’t always know but we’ll help you understand everything we do know.”
There is a reason, but sometimes we don’t (or can’t) know what it is.
That distinction matters.
❤️A baby doesn’t die for no reason.
❤️But sometimes, even with every test available, we’re left with no clear explanation, so the death is labeled “unexplained” but that doesn’t mean it was random, meaningless, or that there wasn’t a reason.
It just means:
🧪 Medicine hasn’t found it yet.
🔍 Or, we didn’t have the tools, timing, or evidence to see it.
Other times we do know.
Sometimes it’s preventable.
Sometimes there were red flags.
Sometimes someone didn’t listen.
And when we brush it off as a mystery, when we avoid the hard conversations, we rob families of closure, accountability, and healing.
Every loss matters. Every baby matters. Every parent deserves the truth even when it’s hard.
Saying “the reason is unknown” instead of “there is no reason” honors the reality and complexity of stillbirth.
-Love,
Flor Cruz
Badassmotherbirther
