22/12/2024
❣🌟Pause for Thought – Remembering at Christmas Time 🌟❣
Earlier in December, I had the honour of leading two Christmas Memorial Services for W Lever Ltd. I would like to share with you all the 'Pause for Thought' I shared mid service, amongst music, poetry and Christmas tree decoration dedications being hung.
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When I was asked to write this service, I pondered over how to write a piece that encompasses remembrance for you all, not just writing a piece about an individual in the style of a tribute or eulogy. Each morning at about 7.20am I am in the car dropping my other half, Kerry, off at the train station in Huddersfield before taking my little daughter, Indigo, down to nursery. At this time in the morning, the Zoe Ball breakfast show on BBC Radio 2 has a ‘pause for thought’ with a guest speaker delivering it. It was this that inspired my approach to this next part of the service. I am calling it ‘Pause for Thought – Remembering at Christmas Time’. I hope you find comfort in my words.
“As long as there is love and memory, there is no true loss”. The reflective words of Cassandra Clare, an American author. There is an abundance of love and memories in here this evening.
Christmas is a special time of year for many, but it is also a time when those we have lost are missed so deeply. It goes without saying the grief we may feel at Christmas time brings sadness but let’s make this evening’s remembrance one of joy, love, positive memories and gratitude for their life. After all, it is because they have lived, that we were able to say goodbye. The much-loved character, Winnie the Pooh said through the words of author AA Milne, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”. How profound and true.
Each one of your loved ones lived their own unique and varied life. Each one had their own achievements, overcame their own hurdles and left their story. Each life is a story, we all live through chapters in which we make the memories of the future. How beautiful it is that you are now the custodians of their story.
When asked to talk to you all this evening about remembering at this time of year, two questions immediately came to my mind. Firstly, what does it mean to remember? And secondly, what is it about this time of year that makes remembrance pertinent and meaningful?
To remember a loved one, we have lost, is to bring them to the forefront of our mind, to reminisce about the good times shared, to feel love and warmth for them in their absence. Our loved ones leave their mark upon us, they quite often leave behind an influence and legacy that shines bright long after their earthly light goes out. It is this that keeps them in our hearts and minds.
At the weekend, we put the Christmas tree up in our house and our Christmas decorations hold so much meaning and memory. A job which could have been done in 30 mins, took over two hours. I am a sentimental soul and as I drew certain baubles and hanging decorations from the box, I found myself engrossed in the annual moments of reminiscing. Some date back to my childhood and brought to mind memories of my grandparents spending joyous Christmases with us in yesteryear, others were gifted to me in my time as a secondary school teacher, bringing to mind students who were in my tutor group who had valued my input into their teenage years.
My grandmother who departed us in 2019, used to buy us Christmas decorations, saying something like ‘James, Christmas 2016’ and once one with a little message within a bauble. Oh, how I remember her love, laughter and character. I took a moment to sit back holding one of these decorations, recalling the special relationship I had with my grandma, Nora Terry. I found myself laughing at the times she would mix well known sayings up and her ability to upscale an event with pride; namely my graduation, which she liked to call an inauguration like I was an American president.
This for me exemplified remembrance at this time of year. In this very moment I realised how powerful this time of year is for remembering those we loved and cherished. For some of you this is a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, partner, son or daughter or a best friend. Whoever it is you are remembering this Christmas; one thing remains a constant – their place in your heart and mind. When we lose someone, we may lose their physicality and presence, but we do not need to lose the relationship we had with them, the bond continues with us forevermore.
There might be something you do at this time of year that stops you in your tracks and brings a vivid and meaningful memory to mind, whether it be a certain Christmas carol, a certain decoration or a Christmas movie being shown on TV. Stop, take that moment to reflect. Memories last a lifetime, they left these memories behind, it is our job to keep these memories alive in their name and honour.
I have a 3 and half year-old daughter, Indigo, and so it is fair to say Christmas time for us has changed in recent years to centre around her, as if always the way with children. Time does have a tendency to move forward, in subtle ways, often almost evolutionary and subconscious. Where a loved one is lost, another one is often welcomed. The age old ‘circle of life’ perhaps.
This time of year, is very significant in making us remember. Why this might be, is somewhat multifaceted. November sees us mark the Armistice for those fallen in war. These days, poppies of various colours are used to resemble and commemorate both mankind and animals.
Autumn and wintertime are seasons that symbolise the past year leaving and remembering all that it brought us. Nature prepares for the new growth that awaits after the long winter, in a time we associate with hope and renewal, spring.
Christmas time is often a time for family life and being around those we love and hold dearly. But this can also be when we might feel the apparent absence of those we have lost in recent years. Let’s make this darkness a light and joy, and the absence, a presence felt warmly within. We can do this by partaking in something they loved to do. This might be by eating their favourite Christmas treat or toasting their memory with their favourite tipple or singing along to their favourite Christmas song. It doesn’t matter how you choose to honour and remember your loved one at this time of year, all that matters is how you have safely locked their memory in your hearts and minds, continuing the bond and relationship you had together. Human life has to end, but rest assured the love does not.
“May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas eve.” Not my words, but those of an unknown writer. I suspect they meant searching and waiting for Santa, but I suggest to you all that you look for that twinkle of a star. That is them, letting you know all is well.
