14/02/2025
On my 10th business birthday, I joined this trend by meeting my younger self for coffee ❤️
I met my younger self for coffee today. We were both there 15 minutes early.
I ordered a mocha. A decaf mocha. She had never had one before. I told her we had given up caffeine. She couldn’t believe it.
She asked, with a face full of hope and expectation, if we had made it. I asked her what that meant to her. She said, are we rich and famous now, did the business make it? I smiled, kindly.
Not in the way you think, I said. We aren’t famous, although I hope admired by some. We aren’t rich, but we pay our bills on time with the skills we have honed. We’ve slowly grown the business, and it pays us enough to have a gentle life. The business made it through a lot. Through losses, through heartbreaks, through illness. We’ve worked with special people, and comforted them through times of vulnerability. We’ve carved out a safe space for all bodies, we stuck by our morals. So yes, we made it.
Our friends, are they still all the same? No they’re not, I answer her. Some left, and some stayed. Some hurt us, and slammed the door as they left, and others stepped away more slowly until we were too late to notice. She looks shocked at this, and saddened. I’m sad about it too, I say. It’s okay to feel sad about it. Regardless of that we do have the most brilliant friends in the world, the friends that stayed. Our friends are our chosen family. We still haven’t quite learnt to put ourselves first though.
And are we still on our own? Is dating still terrible? No I said, smiling more fully. She notices the diamonds on my finger. We aren’t on our own. You’ll have a few more terrible dates and then you’ll meet him in a few months from now, and you just know it’s going to be him. You know it will always be him. With him he brings you the love of your life. A dog?! She says. A dog, I grin. You’ll meet him very soon too.
She glances up from my rings to the skin that is discoloured and misshaped. What’s that scar from? She asks. You survived, I say. You survived, and despite all odds that have been placed in your way, you keep surviving. You don’t need to think about it now, it won’t happen for a long time, and you can’t stop it anyway. Just go and live for now.
Are we okay? She asks slightly worried. We are okay, I answer. We still find hope and joy in every single day.
I looked at her and thanked her for reminding me of my ambition and optimism.
I’ll see you again soon, I said. ❤️
Pieces have been worn by Billie Piper, Basment Jaxx, and requested by Madonna
