30/04/2020
Stolen from a friend who stole it from someone else....
‘Lockdown Lingo’ - are you fully conversant with the new terminology?
Coronacoaster:
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.
Quarantinis:
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”.
Coronials:
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C”.
Furlough Merlot:
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.
Coronadose:
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic”.
Getting on your Wicks:
Vexing noise levels from neighbours doing their daily workout with Joe Wicks, the Body Coach. Star jumps and burpees sound like a stampeding herd of buffalo.
Miley/Billy Ray:
Rhyming slang for coronavirus, as in popstrel Miley Cyrus (ie ‘virus’) or her country crooner father Billy Ray. Sample usage: “I’m suffering with a touch of the Mileys” or “I’m achy-breaky and displaying Billy Ray symptoms”. Which one you use is a useful indicator of your age.
Claphazard:
Someone so enthusiastic about saluting our care workers that they forget all social distancing guidelines, start hugging their neighbours and high-fiving passing pedestrians.
The elephant in the Zoom:
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.
Doughverkill:
One’s social media feed being dominated by smug photos of home-made sourdough or banana bread. If making sourdough is so great, how come you'd never done it before March?
Quentin Quarantino:
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.
Covidiot:
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.
Space invader:
Someone who routinely comes closer to you than the recommended two metres and who you’d like to zap like in an arcade game.
Goutbreak:
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.
Caught between a shop and a hoard place:
The dilemma of needing to purchase basics but not wanting to be accused of stockpiling. I'm not stockpiling, I usually buy this many tins of beans.
Zumping:
The recent phenomenon of ending a romantic relationship via video call. Depending on the platform used for the break-up, it can also be known as “FaceTumped” or “Housepumped”.
Antisocial distancing:
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.
Dinfluencer:
Someone so proud of their new-found cooking ability that they artfully photograph every supper to boast about it on social media.
Quaranteam:
The people and/or pets you’re in lockdown with are your “quaranteam”. This era’s equivalent of .
Coughin’ dodger:
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.
Tandemic:
A sun-kissed glow acquired from sitting in one’s garden or (gasp!) flouting the rules on park sunbathing.
Doom ’n’ Zoom:
The feeling spread by the most miserable or pessimistic participant in a videoconference, aka the “Zoommonger” or “lockdowner”.
Co-runner virus:
An infection potentially spread by selfish fitness fanatics taking up an entire path by jogging two abreast.
Covid-10:
The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.
And one sentence to sum up 2020, so far:
At one point, 1 loo roll was worth more than a barrel of crude oil!!
