13/02/2025
Updated my altar again! This is my one at uni currently.
I've been feeling really out of wack for a long time. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. I know some of the reasons why, but even after lots of introspection, I can't find all the reasons. Part of it is I'm not really eating the right food. Part of it is the great stress of my final semester at uni. Part of it is overall not taking good care of myself. And part of it is from external negativity.
The state of the world is maddening right now. So much evil and negativity spreading everywhere, infecting every space we inhabit. It's venom. And I often feel guilty for turning away. I've spoken to others who follow shamanic and shamanic-adjacent paths, and they agree that those who follow this route in life feel that negativity in a less refined way. Those who are spiritually open in general, do. We are more used to sharing our energies with those around us, but striking the balance between too much and too little exchange is very difficult. We feel these woes in a very raw way. That is not to say that we can comprehend the suffering of targeted groups that we don't belong to etc, and it's also not to compare the suffering of others to our own and try to say that we have it worse. That's folly.
But when you work with energy on a near daily basis, and you've trained yourself to be open to the messages of the universe, it becomes very difficult at first to know how to control what you take in and what you give away.
I myself am prone to giving away too much of myself, and I often forget to armour and protect myself so I end up taking in way more negativity than I can reasonably handle.
That is what I'm going to work on next. Trying to build a habit of armouring, setting boundaries of what I give and take, but trying to strike a balance between selfless and selfish.
I took the day off of university today. I don't normally take weekdays off, as I treat uni like a 9-5 job (or more 11-7 in my case...). However, the quality of my work has been slipping recently, and i need at least a day to recuperate.
I was rotting in bed until 1:30pm today, doomscrolling as normal, and angry at myself like normal. But it seems my adhd finally decided to work with me for a brief moment, because I had enough oomph to get up and leave a couple of offerings.
But then I looked closely at my altar and realised how messy, dusty and otherwise unorganised it was. That was my fault, I'd let it get like that.
Anything you build and/or use in spiritual practice becomes an extension of yourself. Staffs, wands, altars, ritual clothing, crystals, incense and the like. They represent parts of your soul that you have extended out physically for the purpose of deeper connection with the universe, however that looks to you.
This carries with it a side effect. You exist in symbiosis with these extensions, and must care for them as you do yourself. I realised this earlier, and took to cleaning my altar. It took about 2 ½ hours to take it all apart, Cleanse (physically and with incense) everything, and rearrange it in a new way. The new layout is based mostly on intuition, but with some informed decisions, as usual for me.
Freyja has more of a central role in the altar as it stands, as I want to strengthen my self love and love for those closest to me. Jörmungandr has been given more space than before, as I feel his energy was being impeded by being surrounded by the gods. I have swapped the positions of Sunna and Máni, electing to bring Sunna closer to my bed so that her warmth and radiance is closer to me. Máni is further since he and I already have a strong relationship, and his guiding light doesn't wane when he is further from me.
I've reunited thor with Mjölnir, and his sons, and placed them closest to my bed for protection. I've devoted an entire part of the altar to my kindred, rather than spreading it out across the room. Everything on the altar, I feel, is in a better position for the energies I want to focus on at the moment.
This is the first part of self care. Next comes cleaning my room properly, and taking a nice long bath with some incense. Then I'm going to try and start fresh tomorrow, setting manageable habits. Unlike where I would normally try and do everything new and good at once. I want to change properly this time. So one or two new things at once, and gradual changes.
Sorry for the ramble. Advice moving forward is absolutely appreciated, if you feel you have any to give 🥰.
Much love,
Rägnvaldr
