Terri Negus - Celebrant

19/12/2023

19/12/2023

A message which I recorded last week for the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants, but many of the words apply to all.
Wishing you all so much light and love this Christmas 🌟🎄❤️🌟🎄❤️

02/12/2023

I’m on holiday ✈️

Yes I know that’s nothing unusual and this year I have been very lucky to have already visited some fabulous places, I’ve had two business trips to Dubai with my husband, my son was accepted for an engineering camp in Chattanooga and my step-son is now at college in Chicago so we’ve had a trip out there to visit him too! However all of these trips have been hectic, tearing around either with work commitments, or for, and with the kids.

Combined with another year of giving my absolute all both as a celebrant and celebrant trainer, alongside a recent un-planned house move, I don’t mind admitting I was completely burnt out and quite simply needed to get away and RELAX.

I also don’t mind admitting that this time of year I struggle…within a 16 day period now I have to mark the death anniversary and birthday of my late brother who died of AIDS at the age of just 37, World AIDS day, the death of one of my closest childhood friends who died at the age of 48, four years ago yesterday, my dearest Uncles anniversary on 10th December, and on 16th December it will be 3 years since my beautiful Mum died, taking her last breath beneath the tinsel and twinkling lights we put up in her hospital room when we knew that death was nearing.

I recognise now that I can’t give the best of myself during this time - yes I can put on my ‘professional pants’ and carry on without breaking down, but in doing so then I risk causing an additional emotional burden to my own mental heath, and my golden rule as a celebrant has always been “do no harm to others, and do no harm to self”.
Why am I saying all this? Because in all my years working in the funeral profession I have come to realise that many people think if you work in the funeral industry then you instantly become immune to personal pain and grief - we don’t. We just became very good at hiding it so that we can continue to serve others.

Self care and self preservation is critical in the funeral profession, none of us can pour from an empty cup. This is why I have chosen to get away now, to switch off and re-charge.
As a celebrant I continue to learn and grow every day, and whilst I hope I have an ever increasing understanding of emotional intelligence towards others, I hope I too have a deeper level of awareness towards my own emotional and mental needs, something which as always I am happy to share with others.

Another thing I have become deeply aware of during my 20 years as a celebrant is how many unfulfilled dreams die with our loved ones. I don’t know how many times I have heard bereaved families say to me “they were planning to do…….” or “they were hoping to go to……..”. If death has taught me one thing, it is how to live fully, and this is why I have travelled as much as possible and as often as possible these past few years, striving for the best possible work/life balance for myself and my family.

So my hope for you all - Look after your mental and emotional wellbeing as much as you do your physical health. Re-charge your batteries BEFORE they go flat, but most of all - live your best lives, because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.

Always with love

Terri

18/11/2023

Life has been a little stressful recently to say the least, especially with an un-planned house move last week - however whatever is going on in my personal lifeI will always give my absolute all to my work as both a celebrant and trainer. Receiving emails like these truly does make everything worthwhile. 🙏🏻💗

17/11/2023

One of the many reasons I LOVE my work. ❤️

Tears, smiles, love, laughter and a shared passion for ensuring every single funeral is personal, meaningful and unique. Just a few of the moments and emotions shared over the past few days in Ascot for our final Funeral Celebrancy course of 2023. What an absolute privilege it has been to work with so many incredibly talented and passionate people this year.
CONGRATULATIONS to these beautiful people who all successfully completed their Certificate in Funeral Celebrancy this week. They worked SO hard and shared so much, both personally and professionally. I’m emotionally exhausted but excited to follow their next steps into the world of celebrancy.
Thank you and good luck to you all 🙏🏻, Terri 💗

14/11/2023

This week is World Celebrants Week, today is also the 1st Anniversary of our legal wedding in Sydney. I ‘think’ I can say that I am the only celebrant in the world who has had two wedding ceremonies on either side of the globe (one in the U.K. and one in Australia), both conducted by celebrants whom I have trained.
I shall forever be grateful to our celebrants Samantha Pitt (U.K.) and Roxy Hotten (Australia) for the major part they played in our weddings, making each ceremony unique, personal and meaningful (because that’s what we celebrants do, right!)
At our wedding on Sydney Harbour we also then scattered my Mums ashes into the waters immediately following the ceremony, completing a huge circle of love which had started 56 years earlier. That is a whole other story and one which I have subsequently written as a book ‘Gloria’ which will be published next year.
As part of that ceremony we also asked all those present to write us a letter which we could open on our first anniversary, when we knew we would all be back in our respective home towns, scattered around the globe in Australia, U.K., USA, and Canada, so we are very excited to sit down with a bottle of something bubbly and open those letters tonight. 🍾










Fellowship of Professional Celebrants

11/11/2023

Parking up for a funeral yesterday afternoon, a little friend stopped right by my car!

07/10/2023

Great to see Sky News publish this important feature on pet loss and grief. As an animal lover myself I know the pain of losing a furry member of your family and all too often we do not even allow ourselves the time we need to grieve our loss. I’ve even said it myself “I’m being silly, it’s just a dog/cat”. The reality is they he/she is not ‘just’ anything, they are a beloved member of your family, a faithful, loyal friend and companion who has given you unconditional love since the day you first met.
I am always willing to conduct pet funerals and memorials, or to simply be a grief companion and listen to your pain and your memories.

More and more people are seeking support following the loss of their pets - but psychologists say owners can often feel embarrassed when talking about the emotional impact, making it tricky to process their grief.

29/09/2023

I lose track of the amount of times people ask me “isn’t your work depressing?” the answer is most definitely “NO”.
It is highly rewarding and an immense privilege when bereaved families allow me into their homes and their world, sharing with me intricate details of themselves and their deceased loved ones in order for me to have the huge honour of leading the final tribute to their life. I do however carry the weight of so many emotions with me and even after 20 years I don’t have the magic solution for letting go, or detaching myself. I am an empath and I believe that is one of the beautiful qualities which allows me to do my job to the level I do, so I don’t ever want to change that.
There are times though when I have to separate from my work in order to lead my life, and other occasions when I have to separate from my life in order to do my work. Here in the forest is where I can lose myself and find myself in a matter of minutes, my sanctuary, my counsellor, my safe space. An idyllic end to an emotionally charged week.

22/08/2023

Beautiful words on grief….

22/07/2023

This year marks a significant milestone in my career as a celebrant - 20 years of dedicated service. I am filled with immense happiness and pride as I reflect on my journey, realising that my love and passion for this work remains as strong today as it was when I conducted my very first ceremony back in 2003.

Having had the honour of conducting well over 4000 ceremonies, I have accumulated a wealth of wisdom, knowledge, and expertise that I am always eager to share with others. This allows me to continually enhance and improve the training I provide to aspiring celebrants, training which I have been providing now since 2007.

It brings me great joy and a real sense of privilege to impart my knowledge and experience to those entering the celebrancy profession, helping them cultivate their empathetic and creative skills to create truly unique and fitting funeral ceremonies.

This week, I had the pleasure of training a group of remarkable individuals as funeral celebrants in Royal Wootton Bassett. The experience has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but an incredibly rewarding one. I have no doubt that these individuals will develop the same passion for crafting personalised and meaningful funerals as I have.

CONGRATULATIONS, good luck and lots of love to you all.

12/07/2023

I love this….it absolutely reflects my work, every family I serve and every ceremony I conduct.

01/07/2023

Having had my car stolen last month and then breaking my wrist in two places last night, I am not very mobile at the moment 😢.
I will be continuing all my work commitments in Berkshire, however unfortunately for another 6 weeks I will not be able to drive down to Sussex to conduct any funerals down there - I’m so sorry ❤️.

30/06/2023

I don’t like to boast about my previous career success, but here I am killing it as Henry’s Cat!!
This was actually my first job after leaving college, working with the Woolwich Building Society. This was taken on what was the hottest day of the year at a local school fayre, encouraging children to open savings account.

What was your first job after leaving school/college??

27/06/2023

I am absolutely delighted to be a judge once again for the Wedding Industry Awards 2024 - now for the 7th year running. The judging gets harder each year however as the standards seem to get higher and higher!
If you work in any capacity within the Wedding Industry then I highly recommend entering these prestigious awards. You can find out more by visiting www.the-wedding-industry-awards.co.uk

10/03/2023

I’m looking forward to being on the panel of judges once again for TWIA 2024 - Now OPEN for entries, and you need to be in it to win it!!!

The Wedding Industry Awards 2024 is now open 🚀 ⁣
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Enter now at⁣⁣ https://www.the-wedding-industry-awards.co.uk/enter
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We’re so excited for you to gain the recognition you deserve & to really stand out from the crowd.⁣
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08/03/2023

Today is International Woman’s Day, I am not a staunch feminist and I sometimes question whether we need such a day? However then I think of my Grandmother, she never worked, it simply wasn’t an option ever open to her. She raised my Mum to be a good wife, home maker and mother, Mum had to travel to Australia as a £10 Pom to pursue her dream to have career in nursing, she then had her first child virtually snatched from her arms and was forced to give him up for adoption because she wasn’t married.

How lucky I am to have been born into a generation where I have been able to follow the careers I have wanted, to have raised two children as an unmarried mother and to have travelled the world and explored so many corners of the globe alone with my children with my own money I have been able to earn from a profession I love. All too often I take this for granted and forget how hard our older generations have fought to inspire change and for me and others to have these rights and liberties so freely. I all too often forget about the millions of women around the globe who are still fighting oppression. So today I celebrate strong and courageous women past and present, and hope we can continue to enhance equality for generations yet to come.

07/03/2023

We recently re-decorated our dining room and in the middle of our dining table now stands a candelabra (it’s only a cheap one from Amazon, but sssh, it’s what it symbolises which is much more important)…

About 18-19 years ago when I was still a fairly new and inexperienced celebrant I went to a big beautiful house on a private estate in Sussex to meet with a lady who had recently lost her husband. In the early part of our discussion she talked about how she had nursed him at home for the past 7 years and his awful battle with dementia. She told me how he had become doubly incontinent, verbally abusive and at times lashing out in violence.

However as our conversation continued she told me many more happy stories about their long life together. He was a surveyor who worked in the city and she was a homemaker. Every evening before he arrived home from London on the train, she would prepare supper, go and get herself changed, then come downstairs and light the candelabra, greet him with a sherry as he walked through the door and then they would sit down to a candle lit supper together.

I absolutely adored the story of this ritual they shared every night but at the time I didn’t have a dining room…nor a husband!

We sat and chatted more and she brought out the most exquisite photo album with each page separating the black and white photos with parchment paper, sharing so many stories of their marriage and life together.

By the time I reached home she had left a message on my voicemail sharing a mixture of happy and sad tears, she said “thank you for bringing my husband back today, I’ve been so caught up in the cruelty of dementia and nursing him for the past 7 years, I had totally forgotten the man I married, but today you brought him back to life, today you brought our marriage back to life” I hadn’t really, she had done that all by herself, all I had done was sat with her and listened.

I have never ever forgotten her though, nor her photos, nor her stories, and now I too have dining table and a husband to welcome home.

The candelabra in our new dining room now stands as a reminder to make every day and every meal a celebration, because one day it could all be taken away, but the memories remain forever.

Don’t ever think a celebrant works with you for a short while and then forgets you. So many people, families and stories are not only etched in my mind forever, many have also changed my way of living and thinking.

27/01/2023

What a genuine privilege it has been this week to train this lovely lot! We have shared laughter and we have shared tears, but most of all we have shared a passion to serve the bereaved and to ensure that each and every funeral delivered is as unique as the life which has been lived. I have absolute faith that every single one of these people is going on to do amazing things and be the light in the darkness when people need them most.

CONGRATULATIONS to you all.

Incredibly proud of these fabulous people who all completed their Certificate in Funeral Celebrancy with flying colours this week.
This is also unbelievably the first course since 2009 where there have been more men than ladies so it’s wonderful to see some more men entering the Celebrancy profession.
Please welcome (back row) Sue, Simon & Chris, (front row) David, Mike & James.

Big thanks also to Ascot United Football Club for use of their spacious meeting room again and for keeping us all very well fed and watered.
💛💙

06/01/2023

I don’t very often post photos of funerals and memorials I have conducted but todays ceremony was a little bit special, held at Goodwood Motor Circuit in West Sussex.
I met the deceased gentleman’s daughter a few years ago when I conducted the funeral of her best friend and so was honoured when she called me and asked me to conduct a celebration of life ceremony for her Dad. It was most definitely worth making the 150 round trip back from my new home town of Wokingham for.

This gentleman had been given a direct cremation funeral before Christmas in keeping with his personal wishes, but his family wanted and needed to celebrate his life and say goodbye in their own way, and so they chose today to do so which would have been his 80th Birthday.

Goodwood Motor Circuit was a place when this gentleman had spent many many happy times taking his vintage cars and vehicles to members meetings and the annual Goodwood Revival.

Today flags were flown at half mast, his personal artefacts scattered around the venue, making his presence still very much felt.

After I delivered his Celebration of Life Ceremony his two children and some of his friends took his vehicles out onto the motor circuit and made one final lap of honour. It was truly moving and an incredible tribute to his wonderful life and legacy.

Every life is unique, so why settle for a standard funeral?

This poem was included within the ceremony…

THE TRAVELER

A traveller set out one day to see the world of life,
he knew along the way there may be moments full of strife.
But he was young and full of dreams, and oh, so very strong
He doubted there was ever much that really could go wrong.

His car was new, all bright and shining,
upholstery clean with leather lining.
Oil and water, fuel and tyres, they were all just right
and in the blue sky up above, the sun was shining bright.

So off he drove, his heart and pulse were beating fast
“How long” he said “can this perfection last”?
The journey had many directions to choose
So he stepped on the gas, not a moment to lose.

He respected his car, for this was his shell
He had regular checks to see all was well
There were the occasions, when odd parts would fail
But soon he would be right back on his trail.

He travelled each day, and sometimes at night,
but with every new sunrise, a wondrous sight.
Most things made him happy, though a few made him sad, but he tackled it all - the good and the bad.

After many long years, the car started to tire
the paintwork was rusty, engine harder to fire.
The travellers hopes had each day been met,
As the sunrises faded, he watched the sun set.

“It’s time to go home now” the traveller sighed
I have no regrets for the things that I’ve tried.
My journey has led me to so many places,
I’ve learned such a lot and kicked over the traces.

The engine then spluttered and started to stall
The car had done well and given its all.
He took out the key and opened the door,
with a smile on his face, he had ended his tour.

(words written by Gloria Kivlichan)

04/01/2023

I sat down earlier this week and instead of making the usual New Year’s resolutions, I had a much deeper review of 2022. It was in general a good year for me, I got married (twice) - once in England and once in Australia, both times having the honour of our ceremonies being conducted by celebrants I had trained. (I bet not many people can say that!!!!!)

I lost two much loved Aunties very unexpectedly within a few weeks of one another, and I continue to carry some pretty heavy grief for my parents, having lost both of them during the pandemic.

I travelled quite a lot, finally completing a journey I had started back in 2020 and in between times shared precious moments with my family; walks in the woods with our 3 crazy dogs, meals shared around the table (or barbecue in the summer) sharing stories and achievements, making plans, sometimes just mulling over the days routine, but through everything being aware that every day there is something to celebrate or commemorate.

As a celebrant I am always here to create ceremonies for the bigger occasions in life such as Baby Namings, Weddings, Renewal of Vows and Funerals, but I am also here to help you plan and mark many other milestones and transistors in life; moving home, separating, starting a new business, business anniversaries, anniversaries and birthdays of loved ones no longer with us, weight loss, life changing surgery, gender transition and much much more - even when you quite simply find yourself coming to the end of one chapter of your life and wanting to step into the gateway of another. Ceremony and Ritual are powerful, healing, momentous and uplifting.
So whether you want to create a ceremony with 500 of your family members and friends, or whether it’s just you and me, get in touch. I’m here for the every days, not just the big days!

01/01/2023

Hello - may I firstly take this opportunity to wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR and much joy throughout 2023. I know that Christmas isn’t always the easiest time of year for many, but I hope you have all managed to find some joy over the festive season and comfort from the warm, loving memories of those no longer with us.

Having worked in the celebrancy profession for 20 years now, I have become very well known as Terri Shanks.
However just a few weeks ago I got married and became Terri Negus. I thought for a while about just keeping the name of Terri Shanks for business, and then decided I would double barrel the two for business and use Terri Negus-Shanks!
It hasn’t sat comfortably with me though and as celebrants we are all about creating rituals to help people transition through various changes in their lives and delivering ceremonies to help with the social acceptance of those changes within our families and communities.
So from today I am hoping that the celebrant community and all those I work with and for, will accept me for who I AM rather than who I WAS. I am now Terri Negus, and this is the only name that I shall be using for both personal and business use from here on in! 🥰

with celebrant love always

Terri 💖

21/04/2022

These beauties carried my Dad on his final journey to his funeral in June 2020, they will also be carrying me to my wedding in September (only I won’t be lying horizontally!).

Not having my Dad beside me on my wedding day will be incredibly painful, so this is my way of symbolically representing that he travels onward with me on the next chapter of my journey.

However you want to remember a loved one on your wedding day though, speak to me and I can gently talk you through some ideas to make sure those not with you in person can still be present in the memories and symbolic representation.

Horses and Carriages from Sonny Hillier Horse Drawn Carriages

07/04/2022

Exciting day for me today having a hair and make up trial done for my own wedding, so just wanted to give a big shout out to Clare at Millie Makeup who is based in Windsor, Berkshire. I would highly recommend her for anyones big day!

24/02/2022

It has once again been an absolute privilege to be a judge for The Weddings Industry Award (TWIA) for the 5th year. I am one of 6 judges in the celebrant category who span across different organisations and sectors of celebrancy & training.
Last night was the National Finals in London, a truly incredible evening with breathtaking entertainment.
Congratulations go out to all the regional winners and national finalists, but ultimately to Brighton based celebrant Stewart O’Sullivan who was crowned ‘National Wedding Celebrant of the Year 2022’

01/02/2022

Imbolc Blessings - Welcome back maiden spring

20/01/2022

I am so blessed and grateful that every single day I get to wake up and do something I love, something which I am fiercely passionate about, and something which enables me to follow my dreams.

Best of all however, I get to train other people to do the same. This week I have had the absolute privilege of working with these lovely people who all completed their Certificate in Funeral Celebrancy. Together we shared stories of love & loss, but also shared laughter and joy during our time together.
My heart is full knowing they will now go out into the world and truly make a difference in the lives of so many other families during their darkest times. Being a funeral celebrant often feels like you spend many hours each week on an emotional roller coast - but do you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world!