03/06/2024
Here’s a list I created of small but important things to teach our children, ranging from personal hygiene to financial dealings to safety tips.
We as Muslims have so much guidance and wisdom in the Quran and the Sunnah for how to deal with life and its situations and dilemmas with adab and intelligence. We must pass this guidance on to our children so that they don’t feel lost or stumble blindly through life.
Parents sometimes forget to teach their children practical life things. Sometimes parents get so busy or so overwhelmed just doing the biggest, most overarching duties, like working to feed and shelter children, that they don’t pause to realize that there are finer details about life they ought to make sure their children know.
Some examples of concrere, practical life advice and tips parents should teach children:
1. How to act in an emergency (if the child gets lost or separated from parent, if there’s a fire, if you are being followed, etc)
2. Memorizing the parents’ phone numbers
3. Knowing your exact home address
4. How to deal with bullies or injustice
5. How to stand up for yourself in situations, including physical self-defense
6. How to resist peer pressure and not follow others in doing haram; how to have unchanging principles
7. How to do basic cleaning things like clean up a mess, wipe a spill, scrub something stuck, pick up after yourself, organize your space, etc.
8. How to make a request or ask someone for something politely
9. How to delicately interject in an adult conversation without rudely barging in and interrupting an adult mid-sentence
10. How to apologize when wrong
11. How to forgive when wronged
12. How to deal with your emotions: sunnah of how to manage anger, how to root out harmful emotions like hasad (الحسد , jealousy), etc. We neither totally suppress our emotions nor fully indulge every emotion. Bottling up our emotions doesn’t work. Pretending or being fake doesn’t work. Concept of open communication, honest self-expression, authenticity, while maintaining respect for others.
13. How to cook basic things (make a simple sandwich, boil an egg, pour milk, chop a salad, etc.)
14. Personal hygiene (steps of washing in the shower, steps of using the restroom, طهارة: tahara/ purity, استنجاء: istinja/ washing after bathroom use, du`a for entering and exiting the restroom)
15. Dental hygiene: how to brush teeth, floss, sunna of how to hold and use a miswak (مسواك), fresh breath, etc.
16. Social niceties: How to moderate tone when speaking, how to walk without bumping into others, personal space, how to maintain a conversation, how to excuse yourself from a conversation, having أدب (adab: manners), etc.
17. How to firmly but respectfully disagree with others
18. How to express yourself authentically or state the truth honestly with offending others, or how to deal with others who are easily offended
19. How to care for/ deal with a baby, if they have a baby sibling (basics: do not carry a baby too heavy for you to safely carry, do not play rough, be gentle, etc.)
20. Basics of money and financial sense: how to pay for things at a store or online, how to make smart purchasing decisions, how to avoid impulse buying or over-spending, how to save, the concepts of debt and riba (ربى, usury), etc.
21. How to dress: the concept of عورة (`awra, that portion of the body which must always be covered), الحياء (haya’, modesty), types of fabric or garments to wear, how to wear clean and presentable clothing and maintain a tidy appearance. (This is a longer discussion for daughters: hijab, and other things must also be taught.)
22. How to address elders: never use an elder’s first name without a title, show respect, etc.
23. How to deal with uncomfortable or awkward situations, fights, learning conflict resolution, and how to de-escalate tense situations
24. How to keep certain things private: maintaining healthy boundaries between public and private spheres, protecting details of family life from nosy strangers, being careful about guarding your own and other people’s privacy, not over-sharing, not giving away secrets. Concept of أمانة (a trust), etc.
25. How to interact with decorum with the opposite gender in a mixed setting: غض البصر (lowering the gaze), الحجاب (hijab as a system, barrier to free mixing), how to politely turn down shaking hands with the opposite gender, how to hold a respectful conversation when necessary, how to avoid اختلاط (inappropriate casual mixing), etc.
26. How to look for a lost item: the du`a for searching for a lost item, retrace your steps, etc.
27. How to deal with a small injury: recite Surat Al-Fatiha (سورة الفاتحة: الشافية) over it, wash a cut with water, cover with a band aid, etc.
28. Food: sunnah of eating, du`a before and after eating, use the right hand, eating halal, eat only when hungry and stop before getting too full, hadith of one-third for food, one-third for drink, one-third for air, etc.
29. Etiquette of entering a room: greet those present, give salam, sit where there’s room, etc.
30. Markers of Puberty: separate indicators for males and females, signs of physical puberty like underarm hair, facial hair, body or voice changes, sweating and body odor, etc. Concepts of بلوغ (bulugh, maturation/ coming of age), accountability before Allah, and no longer being “just a child.” Knowing that Allah is All-Seeing, All-Hearing, All-Knowing (البصير، السميع، العليم). Be aware of Allah in all your dealings.
What would you add to this list?
