03/28/2023
I try to do whatever I can to quiet my thoughts, but often, nothing works.
The television, music..anything I can find to drown out the deafening noise of my mind.
I tell myself that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to, but my heart won’t rest and my thoughts never quit.
I replay where I’ve been and what’s happened,
the turns and twists of our relationship, and still, I lie there and stare at the ceiling..
Consumed by the relentless overthinking that is my way.
I can’t remember a time when I could turn off my mind, and I’ve come to accept that’s just who i am..
But when my heart battles my mind at night, it can become almost overwhelming.
My head tells me to let it go, make peace with the broken road I’ve traveled, but my heart won’t let me.
It tells me to keep fighting, to hold on, that loving someone means struggling and making it through the hard times together.
I can’t help but cry in these times when everything inside me is at war with what I should do.
The tears flow as I fight to regain my composure, but it’s impossible sometimes to keep it together.
Maybe when I get up tomorrow, I’ll feel better or have some ideas about what I should do, but right now, I just feel utterly lost.
Conflict wages inside every corner of me, with no end in sight.
I just want..peace.
I close my eyes and think back to simpler times when love was new and hope was fresh.
I find myself slowly drifting off as those warm thoughts wrap around me like a comforting blanket, giving me much needed peace.
As my heart and mind slow, my dreams whisk me away to a more serene place and my last thought before succumbing to exhaustion is but a simple wish..
Maybe tomorrow, somehow, I’ll find my way to a happier place..and there,
I’ll remember what it means to be content again..where my mind and heart can finally agree with what’s best for me.
Until then, I’ll just do what I can with what I have..
And the simple reminder that gives me solace if but for a moment as I drift off:
It’s always darkest before dawn.
I know that tomorrow will have to be a better day..
If not, I’ll just keep pushing forward and hope for moments of quiet midst my thoughts.
For me, for now, that will have to be enough.
|ravenwolf
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