08/12/2023
Hi there! π
I'm going to get a little personal here, so feel free to stay or move along. We're all grown ups here.
I know this page has been somewhat silent. I've always been the find the bright side β¨οΈ look for silver linings happy peppy person. But that hasnt been me for a while. If I take a minute to be honest it's been a rough 2 years. Maybe even a little longer. Unfortunately I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. With covid things got worse. There was a constant fear of well getting sick. My husband lost his job due to his company basically going to a skeleton crew due to the pandemic. We went from seeing my parents daily to very limited visits due to their health. And basically just shutting in. Yeah that anxiety, got worse.
Then fast forward to my mother getting sick, and passing. It is still the hardest thing ive gone through and will probably never really be okay, but we have to keep going. Then my dad had a very close call with a pulmonary embolism. We were told it was a miracle he survived. This year, my dad unexpectedly had multiple ER visits that led to the discovery of Guillan barre syndrome. I'm still grieving. Because despite what people say, grief has no time period. It has no agenda or ending period. It's literally like waves, it comes and goes. There are good days and bad days. Days I just want to call my mom and miss her terribly and have to shut myself in a room to cry. My 6 yr old still wakes up sometimes calling for her grandma. So yeah, I have not been okay. Very far from it. For a while it felt like I was holding myself together with soggy spaghetti noodles.
That's the thing though, we are forced to say "I'm fine" so often. "I'm okay. Yeah I'm good." And we shut off the emotion or shut them in. We, well atleast me, tell ourselves to hold it together, be okay, suck it up. We aren't told, or weren't told that it was safe to feel our emotions or take time to process. Just suck it up. Coming from a Hispanic background, theres no such thing as anxiety or depression. There's no room for it. But you know what? That's a load of bs. Being an adult has its moments. Being a parent has its moment. Being the oldest has its moments. Surviving has its moments. Just being has its challenges. But it's moving forward and not giving up that makes the difference. Mental health matters. It isn't selfish to sleep in, rest, take a breath. Its okay if you're exhausted, rest! Give yourself grace. Ask for help. You are not alone. Your mental health matters!!!!! Allow yourself to believe that. Allow yourself the space needed to rest & heal.
I am lucky enough to have the small circle I have. Those in it have known I'm not okay. They are the ones that give the gentle reminders that it's okay to not be okay. Because if we're up-to me I'd still say suck it up. Most days I do, but I have to remind myself to give my soul some grace..
The main point is...
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are resilient.
You are brave.
You are loved.
You are perfectly imperfect.
It is okay to not be okay.
It is okay to take it easy.
It is okay to set boundaries.
It is okay to nourish your soul.
It is okay to just breathe.
It is okay to be tired.
You don't have to have it together all the time. If you do, well I applaud you and I'm so proud of you for having it together. π
As far as Pixiesprinkles goes. This time away has really been time much needed to just be. Rest. Reset. Recover. Focus on my little humans. I'm lucky enough that my husband has known from the get go I wasn't okay and has stood by my side being as I tell him, the adult in charge. For a while I was lucky if I remembered to eat. - Crafting has always been a joy. A passion. An outlet. And I just wasn't feeling it. But lately theres been more drive. More want for that joy back. The feeling of not just auto pilot anymore, but wanting that good feeling back when you deliver something you created. That positive outlet. I've missed that joy. There's some creativeness going over on this end and I can't wait to share it. So here's to looking for that half full glass feeling again.
So if you've made it this far, whew! That was like major word vomit huh? Thanks for sticking around. If you've supported Pixiesprinkles Party, thank you. You've supported joy, therapy, kids sports, time with my children, so much more. β€οΈ
Here's to looking for the brighter moments β¨οΈ π
And remember YOU are enough. π»
Just breathe. π
Now go kick some boot-y. Go slay π
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