10/18/2025
It was 12 or 13 years ago when the term “CAE” entered our cultural lexicon. I should know. I was there. I created it.
From my Facebook memories today:
Since the Critter Keeper page is a place where you can learn things you might not learn anywhere else, there is no more appropriate place for readers to learn about the CAE. This practice is relatively widespread, but you probably didn't even know that it existed, or if it did, what the term was for it.
The Clandestine Animal Exchange (CAE) is a practice that I personally have been involved in for a number of years. In fact, I must inform the reader that it was I, your humble Critter Keeper and Critter Keeper page Adminstrator, who actually coined the term “CAE.” I did so not more than an hour ago, when I participated in yet another CAE.
CAEs are done on the “down-low,” not because they are illegal (although I am sure that might happen from time to time, although I have never knowingly been involved with such a transaction), but rather, because the types of animals that are exchanged would draw undue attention to the participants and the animal itself, and/or feasibly cause panic in the nearby vicinity.
I personally have been involved with CAEs in schools, libraries, gas stations, banks, private homes and driveways, and any number of parking lots. The locality in which CAE is conducted is agreed upon by the participants with one criterion: That it is as convenient as possible for those involved. In these exchanges, the animal is typically temporarily housed in an indiscreet, non-transparent container. Sometimes it is a box, but often it may be a cardboard box, bucket, tub, pillowcase, or canvas bag. Sometimes money is exchanged, often not; sometimes, one animal is simply traded for another.
Today's CAE involved a large, beautiful Chaco golden-kneed tarantula, and the location was Aisle 3 at Trader Joe's, an organic food market.
Personally, I don't see what the big deal is about “organic” food. I have never eaten non-organic food to my knowledge, although some of that dehydrated stuff I ate in the Navy may very well have been non-organic. I'm a black and white kind of guy, and words mean things to me, and I was always taught that organic meant that it contained carbon, and inorganic meant that it didn't. Meat and vegetables are “organic” period, and I get a little tired of everybody redefining things and actions by using a word that originally meant something else... but I digress.
The tarantula was in a jar, wrapped up in a sweater, in the bottom of my friend's food cart. Of course, one must always examine the animal before receiving it into one's care, and I was anxious to see the big beautiful spider. I had been assured of the spider's docility, and for an instant, I was tempted to plop it out onto my hand. Regrettably, the presence of the elderly gentleman browsing the shelves behind me, and the expectant mother with a toddler behind my friend caused me to wax prudent, something that I am not always prone to do.
I am confident, had I asked, that I could have borrowed my female friend's colorful sweater to conceal the jar containing the spider while I made my way out of the store. I'm secure in my masculinity; it wouldn't have bothered me in the least. I was simply thinking ahead, and didn't want to have to arrange another CAE to return the sweater.
So, I did my best to completely hide the jar in my hands, concealing it with my body an arm as I made my way out of the market.
It was about this time that I became acutely aware that there were security cameras in the store, and that my actions may be construed as “suspicious.” I could easily be mistaken as a shoplifter.
With that, I returned to my friend.
“You know,” I told her, “I'm not going to try to hide anymore. I'm walking right out of here with this tarantula.”
“What if somebody sees you?” she asked.
“Let's get our story straight,” I replied. “We found it in the bananas.”
