06/15/2025
There are no good words for this loss; it seems more appropriate to use the language of things she loved instead, to speak in the vocabulary of gardens & birds. She grew herbs in her backyard, daily adding them to homemade sourdough, Sunday dinners, & along the edges of serving platters. At the end of a meal, when dining conceded to conversation, she would often pluck parsley from a cleared platter & chew on it thoughtfully as she listened. “Don’t you love the way basil smells when you water it?” she asked me once, standing beside her plants, hose in hand. Did she know how carefully I was paying attention? How much I delighted in her English rose catalogs or her recalling the flora of Colorado? “Have you ever seen a columbine?” I had not. We were climbing Mt. Casco when she pointed one out, & I marveled at its pleated blue petticoats, grieving that nothing so delicate & beautiful could grow in our punishing heat. Maidenhair fern was her favorite. She shared this while visiting my neighbor who tended a backyard wildscape, a haven for all kinds of birds. The green jays were less common then, & Marilyn wanted so much to see them. We visited Mrs. Gill together, sat in the light streaming into her sunroom & marveled at the brilliant jays. We were leaving when she noticed the maidenhair spilling out of a pot in a shady corner. “The faucet above it leaks,” Mrs. Gill explained. “That’s the secret. The fern loves the constant drip.” I tuck sprigs of my own maidenhair into Marilyn’s flowers now. I learned to grow it from Mrs. Gill too, all those years ago. I want to write Marilyn’s story like this, in the tendrils of the wild passionvine that scrambled up her back fence, in the soft purple of her cherished Birkenstocks, in the stones pocketed on Colorado summits & other sacred locales. Let the peonies & clematis tell of her youth in the mountains & the sprigs of pigeonberry & anacua speak of her love for the Valley & its treasures. Let me gather feathers & nests & eulogize her with a nod to warblers, vireos, & ruby-throats. Let all of it be for her a sort of botanical epitaph, & let it honor her story well. She was such a consequential part of mine.