Trivia at Dos Mariposas

11/13/2025

NEW SETTING, NEW NAME, SAME RESULT: LOOPERS CHRISTEN NEW VENUE WITH EASY WIN

Despite the distractions innate in playing the game a scant three feet from their very own daughter’s team, the duo of Steve and Roe DeRose proved last Wednesday that their steady leadership means excellence whatever the circumstances, whatever the setting. Their defending champion squad — this week sporting the bittersweet name “Anchors Away” —cruised to victory in the first-ever edition of Trivia at Dos Mariposas (formerly known as Anchor Valley Trivia), taking an early lead and riding it to the finish, despite the best efforts of We Drink and We Know Things, who never overcame their Current Events stumble and thus couldn’t close the gap.

We Drink finished the evening with 48 points and did not receive extra points for adding a pair of fake email addresses that decorum mandates I don’t repeat here to the email sign-up sheet, though the Trivia Master appreciates them coming clean about it when he ran into them several days later at the Jacksonville Inn.

In third place were the always-joyous RaySpots, who flirted with skipping the whole thing because they used to walk until one team member produced a van in which they could all ride together. If there is anything better than the sight of the RaySpots tumbling out of a van, I’m not sure what it is.

Behind them were the young ones, who brought a certain intensity to the evening, with 43 points, and Seager’s Believers (formerly Winnie’s Winners), a new, somewhat hastily-assembled team whose mascot, Seager, displayed an impressive adaptability to the new setting, throwing his hat back in the ring for the hotly-contested title of Official Baby of Trivia at Dos Mariposas.

Next came the Nerd Herd, a Norms splinter group, with 41 points, and the Norms themselves with 40. This was originally supposed to be one team but was divided by the Sergeant-at-Arms when its ranks swelled to eight, not including Hadley, who used her time away from trivia to develop and important skill: she now can walk.

In a shocking development, the usually strong Menage a Part Dos stumbled home in eighth place, despite adding Anchor Valley employee Ellie and her husband, whose name, I learned as they were exiting, is Chase, to the mix. It is not clear if a cheesecake infusion would have buoyed the team or not but I am positive each member is eager to find out.

Finally, ninth place was taken by Martha Brae’s Vineyard, a date night duo whose evening, sadly, ended before the bonus round. It was noted by the Trivia Master and the Sergeant-at-Arms that though everyone enjoys a date night team, in the future it might be best for everyone if couples arriving alone join existing teams rather than try to make it on their own.

Here are you awards for November 5:

OFFICIAL BABY OF TRIVIA AT DOS MARIPOSAS UPDATE: Both babies came determined to establish themselves early and neither baby disappointed, with Seager quickly claiming the center of the room for himself and Hadley, not to be outdone, letting everyone know that rather than waste her two months away from trivia, she learned to walk.

YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART AWARD: To Sherri of Menage a (fill in the blank), who didn’t need to say a word to express her ongoing dismay at the content of tonight’s trivia. So clear was her intent that the trivia master may or may not have written “next time come up with a category that Sherri likes” in his notes.

WHAT I DID ON MY VACATION AWARD: If you get a chance, ask Seager’s Believers captain Erick about his motorcycle trip through Mongolia.

MOST DESTRUCTIVE CATEGORY: I do believe that Super 70s Scandals was the factor that pushed date night rookies Martha Brae’s Vineyard out the door, perhaps never to return. The glazed look on their faces was confirmed by the scant three answers they got correct.

BEST SPIN-OFF: Alas, the Norms arrived with eight players (plus Hadley) and were forced by the Sergeant-at-Arms to split into two teams. From this the Nerd Herd was born, and ultimately to finish one point ahead of their forebearers, the Norms.

FAKE NEWS: Yes, several members of Anchors Away were dinner guests at my home last week. No, I did not share the upcoming categories with them, though their presence is indeed what inspired the Fine Dining category.

SCOFF #1 OF THE EVENING: “What U.S. State is the most seismically-prone region in the world?

SCOFF #2 OF THE EVENING: “When is the proper time to make a toast?”

HARDEST WORKING WOMEN IN SHOWBIZ: Lisette and Gabby of Dos Mariposas, who were pumping out tacos and chips so furiously they barely had time to be acknowledged at the end of the night.

IS THERE A GEOLOGIST IN THE HOUSE? The Trivia Master is not ruled by ego; therefore he felt just fine calling Young Ones’ team captain Lisa up to the stage to ask her if a pyroclastic floe was the same as a lahar. It sort of is.

TOO FAR AWAY: My request is that the RaySpots arrive early on December 3 and choose a table closer to the front of the room. It’s too hard to figure out why they’re laughing uproariously when they’re tucked all the way in the back.

BEST TALL HAT OF THE EVENING: Michael of We Drink and We Know Things. It appeared halfway through the night, was about a foot tall and then quickly disappeared without explanation.

ALSO: Props to Michael for being the first person since high school to ask me if Al Rosen was my father. No. Gerry Rosen was my father. Al(lie) Rosen is my son.

BEST SCANDAL FROM THE 1970S THAT APPARENTLY ONLY I REMEMBER: ABSCAM. I thought Steve from Anchors Away would remember but he was “too busy working and raising kids.”


That's it for this week, folks -- and the people have spoken. Our next trivia at Dos Mariposas will be December 3. Hope to see you all there!

11/05/2025

Ever wonder which fork you're supposed to use for salad? Come to tonight's inaugural run of Trivia at Dos Mariposas Winery and maybe you'll find out.

Send a message to learn more

11/04/2025

Our long national nightmare is almost over: two months without trivia comes to an end this Wednesday, at Dos Mariposas (3976 Bellinger Lane, Medford). Doors open at 5, play begins at 6.

And don't forget to check back here earlier on Wednesday for an all-important clue.

Send a message to learn more

09/10/2025

LOOPERS SNAG FINAL AV TRIVIA CROWN

A bittersweet night ended in victory for the international-tinged team from South Loop Road Wednesday as the Looping Collies burst out of the gate and held their lead throughout, settling into a four-point win over We Drink and We Know Things and the surging (and, frankly, terrifying) Magneto-istas, AKA “The Revolution,” which will, indeed, not be televised. The four-point win made the Loopers the last team to hoist the AV Championship belt overhead. That they managed this despite the absence of core team members Steve and Roe will go down in AV Trivia annals as a remarkable feat.

As impressive as this was, the win took a back seat on this, our final night at the Jacksonville Anchor Valley. Our hosts shut their doors and decamped for their sleek Phoenix location this past weekend, leaving us, much like the biblical Israelites, doomed to wander the desert in search of a new home.

But fear not, Trivia fans! Ours will be a wandering much shorter than those of Moses & Co. Your trivia team has already begun the process of finding a new home and plans (tentatively) to decide on a spot by the end of September. We’re hoping to restart trivia during October. Please check this spot for further news.

Meanwhile, the last night at Anchor Valley was a celebration — only melancholy in parts. It’s difficult to stay melancholy when you’ve got babies, puppies and Aussies in the room, though the evolution of the Magnetos from heartwarming family-friendly organization to armband-sporting radicals was somewhat unsettling and the fact that after 2.5 years and more than 50 sessions of trivia, the Trivia Master’s final Anchor Valley category turned out to be 175% easier than he’d anticipated left him wishing he’d stayed with his intuition and used the since-discarded “Who said it?” category presently taking up space on his hard drive.

No matter. Though E = MC Hammer chose not to defend their title, This is Not a Drill took their own advice and evacuated the bar, the De Roses decamped for Pennsylvania, the RaySpots were sadly MIA and Winnie’s Winners captain Erik was off riding a motorcycle in Mongolia, our final Anchor Valley night was a springboard to future hijinks and good times. We are all excited to see how Ferment & Outnumbered continues to develop, if Menage a (Fill in the Blank) will manage to sustain its new, carefree attitude, We Drink and We Know Things will find a way to get me to incorporate Bunko rounds into the evening and if Norm will finally get the help he needs from his caregivers. Until we reconvene to find out the answers to these burning questions, here are your awards for this, our last week of trivia at Anchor Valley:

OFFICIAL BABY OF ANCHOR VALLEY TRIVIA UPDATE: As our term at Anchor Valley comes to a close, it’s time to finally announce the Official Baby of Anchor Valley. Thanks to a late surge, that baby is Hadley. “She put in the time,” said Tanner, her father, after learning of her victory. “It’s all about consistency for her.” It’s true that it was not easy to outrun Seager’s natural charisma, but Hadley nailed down the victory by showing up on the last night in a tie-dyed sundress while Seager was not present and rumored to be in Mongolia, riding a motorcycle.

DOGS ON PARADE: No one will touch Winnie’s status as the Official Dog of Anchor Valley Trivia, and it is likely that our next home will be sans dogs, so it was appropriate that on this, our last night at Anchor Valley, we were treated to Sadie, who was kind enough to do a promenade lap through the crowd and the Irrepressible (and difficult to herd) Fritz, whose secret (that if you scratch him behind his ears he’ll be your best friend forever) is obviously not safe with me.

OUTSTANDING TEEN: We’re always lucky to have an appearance from Looper Kelsey, who has tons of homework to do but doesn’t feel like doing it, even though she thinks it’s kind of dumb that anyone would care which Van Doren invented Vans tennis shoes.

FOUR BANDS PEOPLE THINK EAGLES FAN BILL POWELL LIKES: AC/DC, Metallica, Def Leppard, Florida Georgia Line.

LOOK OUT, WORLD: Here comes We Drink and We Know Things. They set a precedent on Wednesday when they arrived armed with a printed set of warm-up questions.

REASONABLE GUESSES: The question was “which actress recently announced she’d fled the U.S. for England.” The answer was Robin Wright, but I can totally understand why people thought it might be Rosie O’ Donnell, Chelsea Handler or Lena Dunham.

BEST SCOFFS: It’s well-known that the questions in any rock and roll category will earn a series of scoffs from Menage a (Fill in the Blank) stalwart Brian, but did you know that his range of scoffing (which may or may not include exaggerated “bring it on” arm movements) extends to scary movies as well? I do now.

MILD-MANNERED NO MORE: Maybe it was the addition of RaySpot Sue but the Magnetos completely abandoned their easy-going persona this week and went full-on revolutionary instead, sporting camo armbands (Jeff wore his as a bandana) and periodically raising their fists in full “power to the people” mode. The “Magneto-istas” threatened law and order and found time to finish tied for second, their highest finish in quite some time.

NOTABLE: Besides presiding over the continually and impressively well-behaved Headphone Kid, Fermented & Outnumbered rose all the way to fourth before stumbling over the Man, I Need Vans category. Their continued dominance of naming conventions continued unabated, however.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY A TEAM LACKING ITS IDENTITY: Minus the entire Barney clan (including Winnie), Winnie Xtra Light started slow, picked up speed and roared into fourth place on the strength of nines in Man, I Need Vans and Scary Movie Plot Summaries (Bad Guy POV), despite spending much of the evening needing questions repeated because they were competing with the music being played over the house P.A.

AND FINALLY: The results of the “Trivia: What Comes Next?” Survey are in. A majority of respondents want to continue in Jacksonville, either downtown or “adjacent.” Anchor Valley Phoenix came in third and Medford fourth. Conversely, someone wrote “Medford: what? No.” And apologies to whatever homesick Longhorn wrote in “Texas.” We’renot going to Texas.

People’s priorities seem to be having something other than wine available, along with light food but not dinner (which is good since nobody we’ve talked to so far allows outside food) and affordability. And if they had their druthers, they’d keep it somewhat family-friendly. And someone who might or might not have been Joe added “Anchor Valley is the best!”

Indeed it is. If we can get half of that from wherever we go next, we’ll be great.

Check this space, emails and the page for what comes next. In the meantime, bone up on some ridiculous trivia. We appreciate you all.

09/03/2025

You won’t want to miss tonight’s final edition of Anchor Valley Trivia to bid farewell to our hosts, find out which team will walk with the belt for the last time and to give your two cents about what comes next.

Of course, if it’s too much for you, you might want to consider watching scary movies all day to get your mind off of it…

08/27/2025

DEATH STAR PREVAILS AS BRAD TURNS 60

Spirits were running high on a night that heralded not only the return of the Trivia Master and Sergeant-at-Arms but also the 60th birthday of E= MC Hammer mainstay Brad, a night that ended with a slim victory by the aforementioned Death Star Collective, whose ranks ballooned to at least 15 during play, though reportedly only six participated in the actual game. The Hammer led wire-to-wire, taking a two-point lead out of the opening Current Events category and holding that same, slim lead for the balance of the night (despite a Bonus category unwittingly tailored by the Trivia Master to maximize their score).

So many bodies hovered around the core Hammer squad that their corner of the room took on a decidedly festive air, bolstered even further when Kimberly served cake. The dessert, which came two-thirds of the way through the competition, may or may not have distracted or sated MC Hammer’s competition. It is difficult to say.

Running close behind in a two-way tie for second was the latest version of the De Rose squad, this week calling themselves “I Wish I Was Scottie,” and the erstwhile Celebrating Mediocrity, coming in hot with the name “This is Not a Drill! Please Evacuate the Bar!” followed by the late-surging Norms and two-time defending champs Menage a Trois (B Side), whose impressive performance came despite missing Trivia MVP Molly. Next up were the RaySpots, who were within three points of the lead after Round Four only, in nostalgic fashion harkening back to the days when you could set your watch by the late-game RaySpot collapse, to stumble through TV Moms and the Bonus Round and finish sixth.

Tied for seventh were a greatly reduced Winnie squad (appropriately named “Winnie Light”) and We Drink and We Know Things, who faced an uphill battle immediately upon arriving to find every table filled. They posted up at the bar, the first team to do that since AV Trivia #2, way back in 2023. Rounding out the standings were Fermented & Flummoxed, who continue to dominate the room when it comes to creative team names, and the Magnetos, who halfway through the night began to insist we called them “Magneto-istas,” perhaps because they were planning a socialist-based overthrow of the entire operation. The Trivia Master made sure to get out of the room before that could happen.

The mood later turned bittersweet when AV wine club members received their email informing them that Anchor Valley will be closing their Jacksonville location as of September 7, leaving us trivia enthusiasts one more session before we go into hiatus as we try to figure out our next step. Doing trivia at 150 S. Oregon has been wonderful and the community we’ve built is second to none, so we’re going to do our best to find a new home and keep the party going.

To that end, we will be sending out a survey following the final trivia night, taking input to maximize our chances of keeping as many players as possible as we move into our next phase, so keep a look out for that, show up on September 3 for our send-off and to see who will be the last team to wear the Anchor Valley Trivia championship belt.

Meanwhile, here are your awards for August 20:

OFFICIAL BABY OF AV TRIVIA UPDATE: Both Hadley and Seager were late arrivals, but Seager made the most of his truncated appearance. Something about how his mother looks at him was cracking him up so much that he almost fell out of his stroller. It’s tough to top that.

CONTINUED SKILLFUL OPERATION OF A HAND-HELD FAN: We’ve discussed Sherri Sutliffe’s fan skills here before, but our continued admiration makes it worthwhile to mention them twice. Her fan work is smooth, efficient and stylish. She should lead a clinic.

MOST BORING CATEGORY: The Salad Course sounded like a great idea but sucked most of the life out of and otherwise rambunctious room. Really, who loves salad enough to answer ten questions about it?

WHY HAVE THE VACATION OF A LIFETIME IF YOU FORGET ABOUT IT SIX MONTHS LATER? The smallest country in Asia by population is the Maldives. One person in the room vacationed there last year. His team was the only to get this correct, but they spelled it “Maldese.”

BEST WRONG ANSWER: When the Trivia Master added the detail “his lack of genitalia” to a question about Ken, the children’s doll, he couldn’t have imagined that a confident RaySpot team would conclude he was talking about John Wayne Bobbit.

QUESTION WITH THE SHORTEST SHELF LIFE: Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson have already broken up.

MOST ENIGMATIC TEAM NAME: Given their consistently strong performances, it was definitely time for Celebrating Mediocrity to jettison their team name, but I’m still trying to get my head around This is Not a Drill! Please Evacuate the Bar! I won’t deny, though, that it’s pretty fun to say.

MILITANTS: You neve know what you’re going to get with the Magnetos. Some weeks their ranks swell to six; others they shrink to three. Sometimes Trent is there. Sometimes Jeff wears a hat. But who could’ve predicted their mid-game name change to “Magneto-ista?” What’s next? Are they all going to show up in fatigues and berets, shouting about “the revolution?”

MOST DIFFICULT QUESTION: Nobody believed that there is a human being in the would, not even a human being who is a Croation free diver, who can hold his breath for 30 minutes.

BEST PROVIDER OF CAKE: Kimberley did not actually participate in trivia, but anyone who brings two separate cakes to share with everyone is worth mentioning in the recap. Twice.

MOST LOW-KEY CHILD: I unfortunately don’t know the names of the parents or the child and I’ll bet at least 75% of you didn’t know there was a third kid in the room on Wednesday, unofficially a member of Fermented and Flummoxed. He spent the entire night wearing headphones and quietly playing on his iPad and did not seem at all flummoxed.

BEST LATE-GAME SUB: We Drink and We Know Things, from their perch at the bar, subbed out one team member for a (very) late-arriving reliever who they felt was more likely to know all three of the Los Angeles Dodgers’ winningest pitchers.

… in contrast to Birthday Boy Brad, self-proclaimed Dodger maniac, who wins this week’s MOST EGREGIOUS ERROR AWARD for not only knowing only two of the three Dodgers but also, despite spending a career in and around government, only three of the four officers in the line of succession should the President of the United States be unable to complete the duties of his office.

That’s it for this week. Remember, September 3 will be our last trivia until we find our next home. Look for a survey in your email next week and, of course, thanks to you all for making this such a special event.

08/21/2025

Better late than never with this clue. We’re right about to head down to Anchor Valley and you know what I’m looking forward to after five weeks in Norway? The chance to eat a nice salad with dinner.

08/13/2025

Degenerates Go Wire-Wire for Back-to-Back Win

For the second trivia session in a row, Anchor Valley Trivia was without the Trivia Master and Sargeant-in-Arms. Left rudderless, Rick and Kylee Otto took the helm as interim Trivia Master and In-House Counsel. While it had all of the appearances of a Central American coup, the Interim Trivia Master assured the crowd that sanity would be restored in two weeks with the return of the Rosens. In the meantime, there was controlled chaos at 150 S Oregon Street.

As usual, the evening started with Current Events. Among the worthless trivia we learned was that the Seattle Kraken’s hockey team has a blue troll as a mascot that is named Bouy, and he was recently chased by a bear in Alaska. There’s a lot going here - why a blue troll? Why is he named Bouy, and why the hell was he in Alaska? One thing I do know after his time in Norway, Larry the Trivia Master does not like trolls. And apparently, the bear is not a fan either. After the first round, the Degenerates jumped out to a two-point lead with a solid 9 out of 10.

The second round started a series of categories directly related the Interim Trivia Master’s life before his arrival to the Rogue Valley (as selected by the Trivia Master himself). Unfortunately, the first category entitled the Tragic Kingdom proved to be as difficult as forking over $160 for a one-day admission ticket to Disneyland. Proving there was no collusion, the Interim Trivia Master’s home team, the Dog Days, struggled with only two correct answers. Somehow, they missed that the back side of water is indeed experienced on the Jungle Cruise. Clearly, team members Roe and Steve need to take their granddaughters to Disneyland very soon. After two rounds, the scoring bunched up at the top with five of the six teams within three points of each other.

Round three highlighted many of the Interim Trivia Master’s favorite movies. It was comforting to know that many in the crowd shared a like for the same movies, as two teams scored a perfect 10 and two others had nine. Except for Norm & his Caregivers, who were not in an agreement. At one point, a team member declared the Interim Trivia Master had a sick taste in movies after providing the answers of Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Blazing Saddles. Hard to argue against that point.

Round four of Californication was a blood bath. Despite most of the crowd admitting to having lived in California at some point in their lives, they apparently did not live there during the 4th grade when kids learn about the Golden State. That’s when you learn that the state fruit is the Avocado and the largest tree is in Sequoia National Park. Of course, when I was in 4th grade, Grey Davis had not been recalled as governor yet. Although, most teams got that correct! I particularly enjoyed one team thinking Arnold Schwarzenegger dated Linda Ronstadt – a good guess given the Terminator’s dating history…

The round five category of American League West Teams and Cities was embraced by some and scorned by others. Understandable. Although, the Interim Triva Master received universal scorn for being a life-long Angel fan. Pity would have been a more appropriate response. By the end of the final round, it was clear two teams were going to be battling it out in the bonus round, with the Degenerates and Winnie’s Winners separated by one point.
The Bonus round question of naming the original American West teams from the 1969 season was just plan evil. Four correct answers out of six was the best any team could do and that was impressive! Every team did remember their World War II history class by correctly identifying Hiroshima and Nagasaki as the two Japanese cities destroyed by Atomic Bombs in August, 1945. At the conclusion of the Bonus round, the Degenerates held on to take the coveted belt by a razer thin margin of one point over Winnie’s Winners. The rest of the field looked like this: We Drink & We Know Things, Fermented + Outnumbered, Dog Days, and Norm & his Caregivers.

A few final observations that confirmed the evening was mostly controlled chaos.

1. Despite struggling most of the night, the multi-generational Norm & his Caregivers were having a good time, especially Hadley.

2. The Fermented + Outnumbered team name had a nice subtle reference to their excellent new restaurant Ferment & Fire.

3. We Drink & We Know Things could have got extra points for their alternative team name of We Drink & We Concur during the movie category but then could have lost points for their team name of We Drink & then Fall Asleep during the baseball category. Hopefully that was an acknowledgement of alcohol being a depressant (or baseball being boring) and not a commentary of the Interim Trivia Master.

4. We got to sing happy birthday to Ohna (I apologize if I am misspelling her beautiful name), a team member on Winnie’s Winners. Thanks for sharing your birthday with the us!

5. And Finally, being Interim Trivia Master is harder than it looks, so I thank In-House Counsel for being my Jiminy Cricket, constantly reminding me to read the questions twice and for being the official score keeper, among her many jobs. That said, I will be the first to embrace the Rosens upon their return to Anchor Valley Trivia on August 20th!

08/06/2025

Who’s ready for some trivia? Wish I could be there but we’re still in Norway, where the landscape looks totally fake. Like it’s Disneyland or something.

07/23/2025

Ménage a Spinoff Crew Takes Crown. Internal Probe Ordered.

Anchor Valley Trivia convened last Wednesday despite the absence of the Trivia Master and Sergeant-at-Arms, who were busy that day almost being stranded at the Frankfort International Airport, but for the help of a gate agent with flawless English (who did, however, lose the Sgt.-at-Arms’ luggage, leading to a forgettable day in which she made her Norway debut clad in the Trivia Master’s Viori swim trunks and an oversized white t-shirt). In their place rode the Sutliffes, Sheri and Brice, to serve as interims, respectively. That their Ménage a team, cleverly disguised as Don’t Bring Me Down, Bruce/Brice, walked away with the belt did not go unnoticed by Internal Investigations, which has launched a probe into Wednesday’s results.

For now, though, they are the reigning champions. This recap will be brief as I was not present to witness the proceedings.

What I do know, however, is that Team Sutliffe ran a tight ship, leading an impressive nine teams though five categories, including an unusually challenging Current Events (“Lots of controversy,” - S. Sutliffe) that saw one team, Sherlock’s Homies, tie the all-time AV Trivia record for futility with one correct answer. I also know that it was a sweltering night (though not as sweltering as the series of unairconditioned rooms we’ve inhabited in Norway, where the weather has been, naturally, 15-20 degrees above average for the past week) and that the reigning champs, Rebecca and Friends, did their Champion’s Walk to Buster Poindexter’s “Hot, Hot, Hot,” without irony.

I also know that Winnie’s Winners came in second as their usual late-game surge left them two points short, and that the RaySpots finished in a three-way tie for third after their usual late-game fade, knotted with We Drink and We Know Things, who cemented their status as perennial contenders, and Pickle and Vine. I wish I knew what team that was but I was asleep them you were doing trivia because it was 3 AM in Norway. Ronless, the Magnetos and Sherlock’s Homies followed, with the Norms, obviously unable to outrun the Curse of the Couch, in the cellar.

Next up for interim Master is Rick Otto, who will bring the In-House Counsel with him to host on August 6. Since I wasn’t there last week I can’t really tell you who won what awards, but here are the 10 Things I’ve Learned In Norway So Far, coming from our balcony at the Kviknes Hotel in Balestrand, where it is still light enough at 10:16 to type. In the absence of photos from last Wednesday, I have included three from our trip. The first is of the sergeant-at-arms trying in vain to capture the magnificence of a Norse waterfall with her aged iPhone, the second is our favorite bar in Bergen (“The Unicorn Sea Shack”) and the third requires no explanation.

CLIMATE CHANGE IS NO FRIEND TO THE SCANDANAVIANS: we brought an entire bag of winter clothes, which has remained zippered shut for the entire trip so far. I eagerly anticipated sitting out summer as I spent July dodging raindrops in my new Patagonia water-resistant fleece. Instead it’s been 80 degrees every day (25 Celsius) which would be fine but there’s no air conditioning in Norway. I’d say this is because they’re better than us but even the locals have been grumbling about what is, in fact, spectacular weather. It’s just that it’s also 80 degrees indoors.

IF YOU’RE GOING TO NORWAY, BRING HOT SAUCE: So far I’ve seen only a few condiments, mostly mayo and odd jams. The hotel breakfast ladles out the scrambled eggs and potatoes. There is no end to the scrambled eggs and potatoes. But there is only mayo and jams. Tonight I broke down and bought my own bottle of “taco sauce.”

FJORDS? AS ADVERTISED: though they can sometimes be mistaken for parts of Washington State (the Puget Sound is, in fact, a fjord), the Fjords of Norway are spectacular. Huge, steep cliffs running down to the water, glaciers peeking out from in-between peaks, evergreen trees as far as the eye can see. Pictures don’t do it justice but if you’re interested, the Sergeant-at-Arms has attempted to do so on her Facebook feed.

NORWAY: GREAT FOR FERRY ENTHUSIASTS: which I am. So far I’ve chosen three routes longer than they needed to be, just so we could ride a ferry. And what ferries they are! Plush, silent, smooth, with updated interiors. Washington State could do itself a favor by studying the great Norwegian ferries. More, please.

LUFTHANSA, THE AIRLINE OF CHUMPS: there was some confusion as we left the Cleveland airport last Tuesday, but we thought “no big deal. We have all of our boarding passes and our luggage is checked through to Oslo.” Imagine our surprise as we strolled through the boarding line in Frankfort when we were told, “you are not ticketed for this flight.” And imagine our surprise, several hours later, when we finally landed in Oslo (on a much later flight), only to find, via the magic of Find My Phone, that two of our bags were stalled out in Frankfort. And imagine our frustration 24 hours later, after spending most of our first day in Norway sitting in our (sweltering) apartment, waiting for the bags, to find that the tracking company basically had no idea when they were coming. Props to the guy who finally showed up that night with our bags. By then we were ready to nominate him for the Nobel Prize, just for showing up.

NOT CONVINCED ABOUT ELECTRIC CARS: smooth, fast, silent, but we’re still working on the infrastructure, at least here in Norway, where 80% of the vehicles on the road are electric. Today we had to admit that Elon Musk knows some things when, faced with a crisis of epic proportions after learning (at a cheesy rest stop in the middle of nowhere built around something called “Viking Land”) that some chargers only serve locals, a friendly Belgian told us that if you register with Tesla you can use Elon’s chargers. Bailed out by the ultimate tech bro.

ABOUT THOSE NORWEGIAN ROADS: they are narrow. And winding. And narrow. And in some places, even more narrow. Today, day four of driving, I managed to have only two near-death experiences, down from a half-dozen the first day, as I dodged oncoming semis on roads I’d generously describe as 1.17 lanes wide. But scenic. Very scenic. I’m told.

DO YOU LIKE WATERFALLS? If you do, come here. Amazing waterfalls. Waterfalls 150 feet tall. Waterfalls that run down the side of very narrow canyons, seven waterfalls in Flam, and even more in the spring. More waterfalls than you’d see in Lauterbrunen, Switzerland, which is the world capitol of waterfalls simply because Switzerland has a better PR team than Norway. I’m not kidding. Waterfalls.

GLACIERS ARE NO BIG DEAL IN NORWAY: you’ll just see them on the side of the road. “Are those clouds behind that mountain?” “No, that’s a glacier.” The Sergeant-at-Arms is busy at work as we speak trying to find a glacier tour that includes us wearing crampons. It shouldn’t be hard.

IF YOU BREAK YOUR ANKLE WHILE HIKING THE PREIKSTOLEN, THEY WILL SEND A HELICOPTER TO GET YOU: after completing the challenging and spectacular Preikstolen the Sergeat-at-Arms and I were enjoying an adult beverage at the lodge when a helicopter appeared, hovered next to a spot high up in the trail, and flew away. We asked our waiter, a charming young Swede who was “living out (his) pirate years” before starting college, if that was a rescue. “Oh yeah,” answered the blasé post-adolescent, “that happens every day or so.”

There you go. Ten things you might not have known about Norway. Hope to hear that you all made it to the next trivia session on August 6. I’ve got to go take a shower now because it’s 10:45 and it’s starting to get dark out.