02/14/2025
I'm often asked what is the most important word in life I always say "relationships."
"Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.
Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it’s fame and money, you’re not alone — but you’re mistaken.
“Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
— Robert Waldinger
Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies; they protect our brains. And those good relationships, they don’t have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long at they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn’t take a toll on their memories.
Aging is a continuous process. You can see how people can start to differ in their health trajectory in their 30s, so that by taking good care of yourself early in life you can set yourself on a better course for aging. Take care of your body as though you were going to need it for 100 years, because you might.
The key to healthy aging is relationships, relationships, relationships.
Those who were clearly train wrecks when they were in their 20s or 25s turned out to be wonderful octogenarians. On the other hand, alcoholism and major depression could take people who started life as stars and leave them at the end of their lives as train wrecks.
It’s easy to get isolated, to get caught up in work and not remembering, ‘Oh, I haven’t seen these friends in a long time so just try to pay more attention to relationships than you used to."