06/28/2025
In everyday life, many people are reluctant to ask for and offer help. But milestones like weddings lower the barriers to relying on other people, Julie Beck writes. https://theatln.tc/jaWuJ3cA
In the lead-up to Beck’s wedding last year, she and her fiancé were determined to keep things chill—yet some stress managed to worm its way in. Then, soon after they set their wedding date, something remarkable started to happen: Even before they could think to ask for help, offers poured in from their family and friends. “Our wedding revealed just how much support we have in our community,” Beck writes. “It also highlighted for me the complicated relationship many people have with offering, asking for, and accepting help.”
Research suggests that helping other people can make you feel good. Yet for some reason, Beck explains, “many people find that harder to believe when they’re the ones receiving the help.” As a result, the reason people often hold themselves back from offering assistance may not necessarily be because they don’t want to help—they may instead be afraid that their overture will be unwelcome. “Everyone is out here trying to read minds, and doing a bad job of it,” Beck writes.
American culture, with its emphasis on self-reliance, can also make asking for help especially difficult. “But going it alone because you think you should be a cowboy, or because you don’t want to be a burden, can, in a way, take an opportunity for happiness from your loved ones,” Beck continues. That’s why important events, such as a wedding, Beck explains, are moments “when people may feel more comfortable than usual asking for help because no one will be surprised that they need it.”
“My husband and I are rich in relationships, and our wedding made that clearer than ever,” Beck writes at the link.
🎨: Maria-Ines Gul