01/07/2024
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=769377341895686&id=100064702805224&mibextid=Nif5oz
So often people will stand in the barn aisle and say how all their riding struggles are theirs- they know the problem is them as a rider and not the horse’s fault.
BUT  when they are in the saddle, they seem to totally forget what they just said in the barn aisle. 😭
When things go wrong in the arena, you can hear them say “she won’t bend!” or “he’s not taking my outside hand,” or “omg, get off my right leg!”
If you are stuck in your progress, or having fights with your horse, I’m going to take a wild guess that you are focused on what your HORSE is doing wrong instead of being focused on what YOU are doing wrong!!!
 Instead of saying “my horse won’t bend right!” you should be asking “which of my body parts is blocking my horse from bending to the right?” or, “what do I need to do in my body to help this horse bend right?”
If your horse won’t accept your outside rein one direction, go your good direction and analyze your own body to figure out what the difference is on the side that is working, because 90% chance that it’s YOUR one sidedness- not your horse’s- that is causing the issue! (I mean, it could always be something major like a broken off wolf tooth. If you think it is something physical with that horse, this is why it’s always good for us to ride multiple horses- if we have the same issues on every horse we ride we know it’s us. And if every rider has the same issue on that horse, then it likely it’s something up with the horse.)
Whatever it is that your horse “won’t do”, it’s probably you. Sorry, not sorry to be the bearer of good news, but it’s a lot easier to control and change your own shortcomings than it is to fix or control someone else’s. So be happy that you are the problem! It’s a lot easier and more pleasant to learn to step into your right stirrup than it is to get in a fight with your horse and wrench desperately on the right rein ride after ride, hoping for improvement!!!
Also, if your horse is always good during lessons, but you pick a fight when you ride by yourself, TAKE MORE LESSONS!!! Waaaay back a lifetime ago, when I was a heck of a lot less emotionally mature than I am now, I had a horse that I hated to ride if no one knowledgeable was around, because I would so easily pick a fight with her. If I had eyes on me, it kept me a lot more grounded and a lot more patient and that made me more likely to ask myself quality questions about my own riding instead of just blaming the horse and riding accordingly.
If you fight with your horse ever- that is a you problem!!!!! If your horse is heavy, that is a huge problem. I guarantee a Buck Branamann, or a Charlotte Dujardin would not have those same problems.  They might have to take a couple hours to work through the resistance that you already put in there, and that process might not be pretty, but within five rides, they are probably going to have a prettty willing horse!! So if every time you ride, things are getting worse and not better, yes, you are ruining your horse/ you are creating resistance/ you are wrecking that horse’s trust. FIX IT. And the only way to fix it is to fix yourself.
If things are really really bad, I suggest you take lessons on lesson horses and have someone ride your horse for a little while. It’s kind a like you and your spouse both going to your own therapist before you even attempt couples therapy- you both need to break out of your toxic cycle before you can create a new better dynamic.
But even if your problems are quite mild, you still need to ask yourself how to improve your performance by studying your own seat, and your own aids, and your own timing. The only way to influence the horse is through our own body.
So let’s say you are made aware that your horse is bending to the left in the base of his neck, but not at the poll joint. You might be able to dismount, and do some in hand work to make it easier to communicate what you want. But once you climb back on you now, have to ask yourself what it is that you can do in your own body to help your horse have more correct lateral flexion. Your focus always MUST come back to yourself. 
