Did you see the not accepting help Meme? I cackled because it is so true for me, even though i've made progress, I saw it shared a bunch, thought of so many clients that have struggled through the same.
But then I got pissed….
Why do so many of us struggle with this?
Not asking. Not accepting help. This is a trauma response…..
This is very layered so I'll do my best to sum it up…
When you've been made to feel bad for asking. A huff, a sigh, negative comments all count, when you've been let down over and over, say they'll do it 3 days later not done, you're struggling with something and a, "well you should've just asked" comment, outright anger or disgust, when you witnessed the same, I could go on….
Why the help doesn't come…
on the other person….Is it distraction, is it laziness, I can never do it good enough anyways mindset, thinking it's not their job, cultural, familial, manipulation, power struggle, weaponized incompetence, I could go on and on
On self….have I identified what I need, have I expressed what I need, do I shut down, do I feel like a nag, am I keeping the peace, am I willing to get uncomfortable?
Being uncomfortable is an opportunity for growth and if it's moving you to taking better care of yourself and having better relationships then it is worth it.
When you ask for help, or even pay for help, it allows you the time and space to do those things that actually bring you joy, happiness, fulfillment.
It can only get better if we expect and push for better 🫶
How to unpack this? A few places to start…
#1 is recognizing that this is a pattern of behavior that come from past hurts that can be changed
#2 It's ok to ask for help no matter the response or outcome
#3 it's ok to let someone know that what they're doing isn't actually helpful.
#4 everyone has their own perspectives, their own stories, their own hurts…if we can come together to do our best things could work better
#5 recognizing some people aren't willing to change
I outlined the practical in yesterday's post and recorded my thoughts on overwhelm and even the benefit of it.
And then at the end I talk about the spiritual and metaphysical side too. It's important to examine all aspects of our being.
Sometimes I forget that people aren't having the same experiences i am where they have daily access to tapping into the Divine, into past life lessons, into the unconditional love and peace of the in between times, into hearing what truly mattered in someone else's lifetime, to be a witness and holder of space to see people on a soul level and just how special each person is.
The sessions I offer and hypnosis does let the busy analytical part of the mind step back, to welcome in peace and calm to let it all go for a bit. OR to allow us to take the step back and see possibilities and solutions that we can't always see in the thick of it.
~Alena
Do you have a #grief journey story?
Do you get hard on yourself or lash out? Do you get #sad or #angry?
Are you still in a place of dramatic ups and downs?
Of course, we need to acknowledge and process, but it can't be at our own expense or be taken out on others.
If you find that happening I encourage you to reach out to me for a session, find another therapist or a grief group. There are so many resources available and you deserve to take time to take good care of yourself.
You can find me here and I'd love to #connect www.celebrateeverystep.com
~Alena
