12/16/2021
40 and free.
I can’t believe that I am saying this, but I am finally free….. from my own chains. I didn’t realize how badly I had stopped myself from being the best version of ME until this past, incredibly transformative, year.
After the end of an abusive relationship 7 years ago, I moved back to my hometown (Stockton) and began the journey which I now recognize as the start of falling in love and accepting myself.
I dove into faith, giving back to the world and my community, removing toxic friends and family members from my life, entered into a - finally- healthy relationship (it’s since ended but we remain friends) and just this past year letting go of self hate…. I had no clue what I was doing, truly, but I woke up one day and said to myself “this is it, I’m done, STOP beating YOURSELF up and CARING what people think” The combination of these two things is crippling.
In March I started meditating, journaling, listening and reading self help/mindfulness podcasts and books on a daily basis, sometimes for 2 or even 3 hours every morning. I cried a lot and it was so painful, but as the clouds of my self inflicted turmoil started parting, I began to discover inner peace.
Now I can finally say that I am on the right path in my life…. Accepting who I am, loving who I am and actually being proud instead of artificially searching for others to validate me.
I’m goofy- definitely still young at heart- vivacious, driven, dedicated, loyal, loving, adventurous and successful. Still working on not being such a stubborn or dare I say it, a selfish pain in the t**h, but the point here is that I know this about myself. I know my strengths and my faults, and will forever work on improving them because once you are self aware, this is what you do. Know when you’re wrong and humbly accept responsibility for your actions.
(Continued in comments)
