08/12/2024
Hey yall!!! *awkward cough* sooooo I’m alive….lol
I’d be lying to you if I said I’ve been doing ok. To be honest? I’ve BARELY been holding it together. Especially with the holidays coming around, it’s been the biggest emotional storm full of dissociation, depression, anger, confusion, and everything in between.
I often find myself staring off blankly with this epiphany randomly of “omg James is gone.” It’s the strangest thing. I’ll catch myself watching my girls play and I immediately choke up knowing the life they have to navigate from here on out. Wondering if I’ll be enough to help bridge a gap and not fill the space as it’s a void I can’t possibly fill.
I hurt. God I hurt. And with all of this I come to you all and just ask for your grace, your love, and your patience. I wish I could explain where my brain needs to be in order to create the beauty that is my extremely unique editing style- but it’s impossible to. And sometimes, (let’s not lie most times) I find myself staring at the screen with a million thoughts and a broken heart, and I close my computer; and I start the vicious cycle of grief that has some how become this constant I’ll never get rid of.
With that, I owe so many of you a MASSIVE thank you for the beautiful souls who have waited months for their galleries, and an apology to those who should have gotten their images so much sooner and I just couldn’t do it. I want you all to know, that I am still here, I am still shooting, I will still always be the creative force I’ve always been, I’m just learning how to turn all of this pain and use it as a source of inspiration to keep making gorgeous memories for you, as it’s truly my only goal.
My life looks a whole lot different today than it did January 1st, but I don’t know anything else other than to be strong and fight. It’s what I was taught and it’s what I will instill in my girls. Don’t forget about me yall. I’m here, just a little less me than normal, but I’m getting there. 🧡
