27/03/2023
Before You Say I Do.......
In the spirit of honesty and transparency, when it comes to marriage from my little soon to be 12 years of being married, very little about your spouse's character or even yours as a person changes because you have undergone a marriage ceremony or even a marriage class. What iv noticed is the character and values of a person is most important and consistent despite all life brings in and out of the seasons of marriage. In my view, Marriage day may signify a change of name but it doesnt change character, marriage amplifies the character and values of a person so marrying someone in hope that they will change is dangerous- they may or they may not but if that's the gamble you want to take for life that is a decision you will have to make and live with. What I usually encourage Single ladies about to get married is treat the decision with uttermost importance, dont stumble into your marriage, be deliberate and sober about your life decision. If companies do due diligence on Partnerships how much more a lifetime commitment. Before he even appears is the best place to start. In view of your purpose and vision, write the top values and character qualities that are non negotiatiable and most important for your spouse to have. Be as clear as possible and pray about them.
The worst thing in a marriage is to first accept someone then start nagging and subjecting a person to conform to your character and value standards everyday nagging Him to change who He is. No one is perfect including you, but to make someone feel bad for who they are when you accepted them as they were and married them hoping that they will change is unfair.
I encourage you to bargain from the beginning, make your ts and cs known and from the beginning observe His character and values, observe how he treats those who may seem insignificant like guards and servants, observe how he broke up with His ex or how he reacts when angered or disappointed, monitor what he spends most of his time and money on, observe if he can be corrected or to whom he submits, which voice does he listen to etc and when he shows you his character and actions believe them and make peace with those because they might just not change.
In this am not underestimating the power of prayer and the miraculous or even the power of counseling and marraige classes however even these require a character strength of being open and willing to learn and change. The greatest gift God gave man in His sovereignty is the power to decide and determine His own course where some even decide for or against God.
I am grateful that when it came to making a life decision, God opened the eyes of my understanding and among the many, i chose a man with a character and values, that I love, value, respect and can submit to no matter what. Despite the big suit and interesting hairstyl among other things I saw in Him 14 years ago, It was the strength of His character that drew me in most and iv seen atleast for the past 12 years of marriage, His character and values have been most consistent. I pray you find a Man you can respect, enjoy life with, submit to and love even as you do purpose together ❤️
