24/12/2023
When people ask you while I’m single the first thing that comes to my mind is ,maybe it’s because I’m ugly.. The Second thing is,no maybe it’s because you’re ugly f**k face!!! thanks for asking…. And the third thing that comes to mind is….You haven’t met my mother…She hated my dad and secretly and subconsciously hates me to… Merry Christmas to my family and thanks for leaving me on my own again this year for Christmas and the holiday season again!! No Christmas trees or present for me this year Again… not even a Merry Christmas …Not one… There’s no excuse for it. It’s just petty and spiteful behaviour from my family that hold grudges from way back when I was eight years old and I would but I’m certain after having to deal with this basically bring myself up and go through life alone doing everything, the hard way I’ve learnt a lot. I’ll become a better person for it so f**k you and your superficial bu****it. Congratulations!! you’re all heartless thoughtless cowards…it’s Embarrassing to see people with so much arrogance and ignorance with bad attitudes towards me when they haven’t even taken the time to get to know who I really am..what are absolute waste… It Is that Dunning Kruger effect…. Everyone of them are teachers, but I bet they can’t even tell me what that even is or expect me to know about it that we wouldn’t even engage in a conversation about it is that would be admitting somehow that they’re wrong every single way…I know more than they do about a lot of things… those who can do, those who can’t teach…. Don’t necessarily mean that as an insult, but it’s hard to have a conversation with people that don’t even knowledge that what you have to say has any value whatsoever, but you have to sit there and listen to them talking about themselves in such a matter of that self righteous way I’m quietly try and keep the peace while it’s peaceful now because I’m not there at all any more and to be honest if I had to sit through another load of bu****it conversations about things I think they know about but don’t and won’t allow me to enlighten them or educate them because I left school and get a apprenticeship for that somehow makes me dumb. They all went to university and became Workaholic overachievers to the point they don’t even know their own brother…. If I can get myself a compliment, it would simply be that I have more heart than I ever will but I feel more than neighbourhood and I’m more insightful than I can ever see in front of them when it comes to me, I don’t see me straight through me like I’m not even there guess what?? I most definitely am here and it’s your loss… I give up trying to hold my family together. I’ve been protecting them. I’ve been trying to make them aware of certain things that they don’t even want to discuss the matter how serious they are big. They had me all worked out, but I’ve grown become wise and have a lot of natural intelligence and always have. I love the planet. I love music I love every single living creature I’m all for peace, and I can’t tolerate having to fight a little war.Every time I open my mouth. Just to be dismissed time, and time again, I need them all very much and they’re still hurting me, even acknowledging that I exist is the biggest failure of the entire lives positive, but I could in which they live. I could make them smile. I can give them a reason to be happy when there isn’t a hell of a lot to be happy about that pushing me away hasn’t helped at all. I just make things worse but on the bright side, at least I know now I know not to waste my time any more trying to fulfil the promise to my grandparents to keep my family together at all costs are gonna work unless it’s at my expense and trust me it has been very much at my expense to continue would be futile, pointless and only harm myself even more for trying… going to leave me for trying to encourage them, but trying to keep it all together, trying to allow ourselves to be who we are with that judgement and ridicule to the point where they can’t even talk to me any more, and a silent treatment is nothing other than a form of abuse in my direction. It’s also the method of cowards and people that I don’t put myself above. They put themselves below me, that’s different to me putting myself above them the way that have always done to me…. same time not recognise having more value than egotistical ridiculous superficial Indian man up with nothing and relationship important in our lives and how we perceive the world ..It’s about Recognises the good and the bad in your soul, Soechting, both sides of your personality and who you are and put them together and make yourself whole again… do that,Is real success…, with all the challenges we face throughout our lives, most importantly to not to allow ourselves become angry bitter, and hateful …. But to be at peace within ourselves, and with each other and with the universe itself… Real success, Doesn’t come with university qualification, huge salaries and all the superficial things you need to have around you to keep you happy because you know deep down inside you’re hot you’re in pain and you have done nothing about it because you’re too scared to face reality is that the main point of what I’m trying to say that my family do not have the courage, strength, and the wisdom to face what is actually real and dance around the idea and then use the entire point of life…To live we must love… with all they strive to achieve, The most important, and the most necessary lessons cannot be taught to the people that are close minded and far from open hearted… that’s not good enough for me… And I’m well past making any kind of apologies for that. If I want to be heard by anyone anyway I’m the one who deserves the apology, and the recognition for all that I’ve done all the difference of tried to make, it was basically never allowed, I could never sleep I was never taken seriously I was always for you, but I remain silent and full. I couldn’t take it any longer, and a lot of my emotions come out in frustration and anger, and that all they see, the negative is all they focus on… Leading my life into a self-fulfilling prophecy of paying for your spare, and finally exile …They don’t see me.How could they when never taking the time to really know who I am is easier than admitting they maybe just maybe they are wrong and me and about everything missing from there lives…could well be if not definitely within my life and my identity my personality and my love for them all completely lost on the ego that prevents them from understanding what really drives us all…And that’s the feeling of being loved and loving each other… Did they question it to the point where it doesn’t even exist? different from that they had mainly missing from there. The only difference is I know it and they don’t….. I have a genuine desire to fix the important matters,the most important matters of the heart … It’s a personal trait they just seem to be lacking, especially when it comes to me and how I might be right back. I know I’m right on Saturday and that’s what keeps them at such a distance people that do they know everything. Don’t want to be told something by somebody that look down upon..they can only dismiss and look away, close their eyes, they close their ears, so as to never leave themselves open and brave enough to show their vulnerabilities... without doing that, I really honest open, genuine, loving caring human being ? You can’t….so you fail… Was that people like me with substance will be able to see in them and inability just to treat a human being like a human being, impossible for someone who doesn’t treat themselves with love and respect… to Not be courageous enough to face the fears we all have …fear of being judged and alone looms over them and , so ironically it’s the way they judge me and segregate me, simply because I can face the reality of who we all are in side…In fact I embrace it…because it’s a beautiful human trait to suffer from tragedy, pain goes away, but the sadness becomes beautiful… Pain Becomes a beautiful sadness… So we are all going to need each other no excuses, no exceptions ,all of us together…Try as I might, they just don’t see it that way.. I’m not gonna keep hurting myself for people that should see me struggling and at least say something…Not the silence., anything but that …..to sit back and do nothing is the biggest mistake of all and I’ve spent too many years trying to be the best person I can be to still be overlooked under loved and dismissed….I’m sorry to my Nan and my grandfather….I’m sorry to my Dad…But I cannot for fill the promises I made to you…And I losing myself in trying…And I know and understand that you would would not want me to continue this way as I have for so long…It’s painful to say it but I give up on my family, after so many years have gone by as my loyalty pushes me to my limits of what I can do to keep the love around us when I’m left feeling alone exhausted and alone…But most of all unloved…I guess I needed you to be here to help me but of course that’s not possible….I love you…. You know I do…But without you here it’s just never going to be enough…..Merry Christmas everyone!!
Keep the love alive even if you are alone….You are enough….
