18/07/2023
📣 LONG READ 📣
So, I’ve worked out that I am not neurotypical. This is my personal realisation, and I believe that the sooner I acknowledge what I am, the earlier I can take proactive steps towards self-improvement. It's like uncovering a hidden truth and accepting it as my new normal, paving the way for a better, healthier life. It's almost akin to coming out.
While I still await official confirmation through NHS procedures, I have but quite possibly some other dysphoria. During my childhood, I experienced extreme nervousness and restlessness, which resulted in a diagnosis of a condition called "nervous stomach syndrome" (🙄). Note this was during the final days of communism in Poland, and ADHD wasn't a recognised term at the time. Without treatment, I have struggled throughout my life, and my self-medicating with various potions was an attempt to alleviate the tensions I encountered at every turn. Now, you might think we all have our quirks, but when your own actions seem to work against you, each step feels like treading the same ground, despite knowing the consequences… only now, as the spectrum stigma is starting to slowly dissolve. I was able to finally understand myself.
However, I'm determined to embrace this reality and learn from it. My goal is to hack my brain and become a better version of myself. I want to avoid the rollercoaster of manic highs and subsequent lows. Given my predisposition to depression, it's crucial to address untreated ADHD and prevent potential future complications. At present, ADHD greatly impacts my daily life, hindering my ability to follow a consistent and successful routine. Consequently, it has affected my financial situation. Understand that my self-diagnosis stems from a desire to improve my life, boost self-esteem, and enhance overall quality of life. Your support and understanding mean the world to me. But, to make things straight: when you see me next, I am still the same person I was when we last met, don’t change the way you are around me, but perhaps you can reflect on the reasons I have acted in a certain way.
Help me to create an environment where we can learn from one another and foster empathy.